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What could have happened?

RockyRoads's picture

Sorry if I am being bothersome but I have to say things on here because I have no one to turn too. SO siad the reason that SS is having problems with his entire group friends is that one of them paid the others to not talk to him. I said nothing because you know, it doesn't matter . But I am always curious. I would have asked step son again what actually happened and if he stuck with that story I would be calling the boys parents who paid the other kids.No one would be doing that to my child and me staying silent about it.  Isn't this borderline bullying? 

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RockyRoads's picture

He has actually bullied someone before.  I wouldn't put it past him to be lying because BM and SO were wondering why he didn't have plans with his regular freinds for two weekends . If he has done something to cause he isn't going to let them know. But if it is true I would definitely be doing something about it as a parent. All they are doing is babying him even more then they normally do. And honestly I really don't care anymore I just wanted to see what people thought. 

Yesterdays's picture

My step son talked big about wanting to punch kids at school. Then would claim be was being bullied. But I think it was him bullying kids as well. He had problems at multiple schools. I think sometimes it's hard to tell what's going on. As a parent I would be skeptical and ask a lot of questions to the kid. 

Rags's picture

As for DH. How willfully manipulated and self delusional can a supposed man be?  His spawn has hurt fee fees because his friends are being paid to not talk to him?  

SInce this kid has a history of being a bully, it sounds to me that his friends have called his crap and have purged him. As he has earned.

As for parents intervening in bullying, nope. Their job is to raise their children to deal with these things for themselves. 

IMHO.

I had a few years where I was the target of bullies.  At multiple schools.  I hated fighting, It frightened me. It still does.  I was an easy going kid, friendly, middle of the pack in accademic performanc, sports, and social standing.  Not a star, but not a bottom dweller either.   Just notable enough to get the attention of the bullies.  So, I was bullied. Until I came to the realization that getting hit hurts whether I was fighting back or not. So, I fought back.  Not just a little bit.  I learned that bullies no longer bully after being taken to the hospital to receive stitches or reconstructive surgery.  After I started standing up for myself, I went to the top in accademic performance, sports performance, and social standing.  Learning not to be afraid was hugely freeing and confidence building for me.

I never got in trouble for defending myself.  Though the bullies were expelled or suspended.  After I ended a bullying problem I would be called to a Principal's office where my file would be open on their desk. I would be asked what happened, I would explain, and back to class I went.  The first time, the Principal asked me "Who the hell are you?". I had been in his school for almost 2yrs and he had no idea who I was.  I had decent grades, never any problems.  Until I sent a bully to the hospital.  Which ended up not being a problem.

My parents never got involved in bullying issues.  The only time they got involved was when I was assaulted with a switch blade by a nearly 18yo 9th grader.   Mom picked me up from school that day and noticed a small hole in my T-shirt and some blood.  She asked about it, I explained.   I was waiting in the foyer to be picked up, I do not recall why I was there after class. Some sports thing probably.  The huge adult sized student walked into the foyer and instructed me to kiss the school emblem in the floor or the foyer. I refused, he proceeded to try to drag me over hte emblem.  Tradition was that if you stepped on it, you had to kiss it.  I had not stepped on it,  As we scuffled he shoved me against the wall flicked out his knife and put it against my solar plexus. I still refused to kiss the emblem on the floor.  So, he nicked me with the knife.

At that point a cheer leader walked around the cornner at which point the thug put the knife away and tried to convince her that I had stepped on the emblem and he was just trying to make me kiss it. I told her that I had not stepped on it and he was full of shit.  She told us to knock it off.  He walked away.  Interestingly, her brother was the bully that I had sent to the hospital a month of so earlier.  I appologized for injuring him. She told me no, it was his fault and their dad had layed into him pretty good for bullying and that getting his bisected lip and loose teeth fixed were his lesson.

A parent interjecting themselves against bullying of their kid can be devastating for that kid. They will likely long be known as the cry baby whose mommy or daddy had to get involved.  Not a good label for a kid to have.  Ever.  Physical assault beyond relatively minor scuffling is one thing, but intervening for hurt fee fees or  minor bruising, a black eye, a fat lip, or bloody nose.... nope.  A kid needs to figure it out and solve the problem.

IMHO anyway.

Newly hired young adults who bring their mommy to work when something the kid does not like is going on is sadly, not unheard of these days.  THat type of thing starts when mommy or daddy interject in things a kid should address theselves.  In the adult world, your feelings are irrelevant.  That lesson needs to start in childhood.

Nea

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Sounds like SS is a little jerk and his former friends are ostracizing him for it. If he is a jerk at home and a jerk to his dad, chances are he's a jerk to the other kids. If SS is a good, nice kid, and these others are jerks, he would be better off focusing on school and sports and finding new friends. The fact that it's a big drama with SS, DH, and BM makes me think SS isn't taking accountability for something.

There have been a few times when my teen was having interpersonal issues at school. After much discussion, we talked about what my kid could do differently. I had to gently tell them that their actions and words played a part in the conflict. They changed their ways and have not had any issues this year.

ETA i bet SS really doesn't know what he did wrong. It doesn't sound like his parents taught him very well as far as taking accountability, etc. 

BethAnne's picture

Sounds like a lie. Why would a whole group of his friends agree to that and which friend has enough money to bribe all the others?

Winterglow's picture

Nope, not buying it. I just can't imagine a teen wasting his money on bribes to freeze someone out - there are so many other possibilities to achieve that goal  without wasting a penny. I reckon the kid plays a superior PITA at school because that's his norm and he truly believes he's superior and the other kids just can't stand him anymore. 

RockyRoads's picture

SO brought it up again and said more had to have went on. That SS will just have to find different friends and he feels bad for SS. SO said there is nothing he can do but be there for him even if SS is to blame.I can't believe how much non -parenting there is.

ESMOD's picture

I don't think for a minute that a kid literally PAID the other kids to ice him out.

BUT.. I do think that if that other kid is well off.. he may be enticing those kids to hang with him and excluding SS.. come to my  house.. we will ride the gokarts and order sushi (or whatever expensive thing the kids are into).. your SS doesn't get the invite.. so technically.. the kid is "buying" friends.. 

But.. you know the reality is your SS is a bit of a turdpiece.. so it's likely his attitude has made it easy for his friends to ditch him.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

It sounds unbelievable and presumptuous from your SS to think that the only way his friends stopped speaking to him is through payment!rofl thats some funny stuff!

Listen the boys dont want to talk to him because he is an Ahole or maybe they are the aholes but the fact is they dont care for him so instead of forcing things or getting the child the attention they want, just ignore it. He can make other friends or he can remain alone and learn to like it, he is old enough to handle this without having parents get involved in childs play

 

RockyRoads's picture

SS had no friends to hang out with over the weekend. There is so much going on here that isn't being said.