Venting about communication.
So I am with the birth mom, we are a mom/step mom house. My SS4 and SS5 don't see their dad a lot right now because he works out of town but they are going away for the weekend with their dad. We all have a pretty good relationship, that has taken some work to get to. One of the things that biodad gets mad about is that my partner over-parents the kids and don't trust him be the parent when they are with him. (This is true and she has been trying to work on it, because he is a good father, just parents a little differently then my partner does.)
Last night SS4 asked me to pack him food for the trip, the boys both have got new lunch boxes and are excited to pack lunches. So I packed them lunches to take, I then asked my partner when she talked to their dad to tell them about the lunches and that it had been a request of SS4 because he was excited about his new superhero lunch box.
Well communication is not one of BM/BF's strong skills and she forgot to tell him, this morning when he picked up the kids SS4 said "riekate packed us a lunch because her and momma doesn't want us eating at McDonalds." BF's anger exploded, after the kids were in the car, and starting yelling at me about how they are HIS kids......I wasn't even able to get the truth out there. It is true that we pack lunches if WE are going somewhere because WE choose not to eat fast food, but I don't think McDonalds a couple of times a month is going to hurt the kids. I understand his feelings in this situation. Just frustrating because I feel like we took a big step back and all my partner needed to do was say an easy little comment, and I end up looking like an over-contolling step mom.
One of the hard things about being a step-parent is the lack of control that I sometimes feel.