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The Yo-Yo Game

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:02am

Going about my perfectly imperfect path in life, I still try to hold out hope that Bozo and I can come to an understanding. It never takes him long to demonstrate to me that such hope is futile.

Working Out the Details

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 12:00pm

Working Out the Details - by Donna Miesbach

Every time I offer a prayer
A whole new world unfolds.
Every time I harbor a dream
Universes collaborate
And stars gather
To form committees
Because they know---
That the wish is mine
But working out the details
Is entirely up to them.

Letting Go

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Wed, 09/28/2011 - 8:27am

"Letting Go" - Author Unknown

To "let go" does not meant to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

Thanks to all for the kindness and inspiration!

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 11:20am

I just looked at my last week's blog entry and there was yet a new kind wish for my birthday. It's been a great gift and blessing to have the support of ST members through this messy bit of my life. I thank you all. Those who say comforting things, those who say difficult things. Everyone who has taken the time to type at me has said something important that is worth taking into account.

Being Awake

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 8:02am

Still slowly letting go of Bozo. Saturday will be the end of 4 weeks since I changed the locks. Today is my birthday. I am grateful to Bozo for pointing out to me that it is my 51st rather than 52nd (was a year ahead of myself somehow), but that is the only 'present' I'll get as he and his Jehovah's Witness family don't celebrate b'days.

Truth hurts, but at least it's truth

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:43am

In my final blog entry of last week, I felt rather chewed out for not having cut all ties with Bozo. As previously stated, I'm working to break a cycle of continually falling into bad relationships. I have always cut all ties and simply walked away from these men in the past. Yet the same or similar problems keep happening again with new men. In this instance, I took my space and got grounded enough to observe the cues that I'd been (erroneously) falling for in the past.

Provident separation

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 7:40am

Bozo has been helping me prepare my truck and trailer for the upcoming competitive season with my animals. The season runs through fall and winter. He's saved me a lot of money and I'm very grateful. Thanks to him, I've managed ~$750 of critically needed equipment on my truck for $104.

Rules of Being Human

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 5:16am

Rules of Being Human
(Author Unknown)

1.You will receive a body. You may like or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial-and-error and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."

Two weeks hence

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Submitted by reluctantgma on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:34am

Been living alone for a touch more than 2 weeks now. I've enjoyed a lovely trip to my former town to visit with my younger daughter, grandson, her friends, their babies and grand moms (who were my friends when our girls were growing up). I've gone to a CoDA meeting and will go to another later this week. I have undertaken an intense personal assessment and improvement quest using the "Love is a Choice" book and workbook that I've been blogging on. I found a wonderful church last Sunday that agrees with my spiritual outlook and attended service.

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