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Just a paycheck and a piece of a$$

Redredwine's picture

I know DH doesn't believe he sees me that way but it sure seems like I get treated that way quite often. Just because he isn't a jerk about it doesn't mean it's not happening.

He really had no clue how much was spent on the lawyer and GAL. His response was to tell me I supported him and what should he have done, not fought it? That wasn't my point.

I laid out my points:
My credit rating as through the roof when we met. It's not bad now but it's not what it was.
I managed the bills for three years and with my paycheck adding to the bottom line his extra divorce debt that BM left him with got paid off...and it wasn't a small amount.
He didn't pay any attention to the amount billed by the lawyer and never remembered to look at the balance on that card so I have been the one making sure it got paid and the one to transfer money to cover.
We have carved a significant chunk out of our/my savings for the latest lawyer stuff.
Never once has he added it up, looked at where the money came from, and/or said thank you.

Vacation days are only taken when it conveniences him except for one half day I had to practically beg to get.
He always takes off of the skids will have a day off even though they are old enough to be alone and usually hang in their rooms.
He makes plans to invite people or go places and I'm supposed to be fine with it or take days...without really asking me if it can be a plan.
If anyone else is around he seems to forget I'm present. Or it's like I'm his sidekick.
But if he doesn't have anyone else to do things with then I'm his play date.

When we got married me and my son moved into his house that he and BM bought and modified. I spent my money supplementing the payoff of his bills and used money from the sale of my house for the lawyer when it was supposed to be for he and I to do more things to the house and maybe I'd start to feel like it's mine too. I'm so tired of him being mr nice and helpless.

Now who wouldn't feel a little used? A simple acknowledgement of the money spent and a thank you would have gone a long way.


thinkthrice's picture

Vent away! I think a lot of us are in that position. Either you get the "well you SHOULD do this for me because you luuuuuuv me"

The "it's to be expected" entitlement route


The full blown "bite the hand that feeds me" route where no matter WHAT you do, give, sacrifice, etc. it's NEVER enough and the complaints just keep on a flyin'

thinkthrice's picture

If he's anything like the usual daddykins around here there's no way he's going to have an epiphany after seeing the entire whopping sum and say:

"Gee, honey, I really owe you a debt of gratitude; I'm so LUCKY to have you; you've done SO MUCH for me, I don't see how I could ever repay you but I'm going to try my darndest"

More than likely he'll say:

"Well you KNEW I had kids when you met me"


"That's just the price of LOVE"


"That's not a lot considering everything I give to youuuuuuuu"

or the ever popular

"It's OUR money remember? We're a TEAM!"

BethAnne's picture

or....I think the kids are worth every cent, don't you?
or....I would pay triple that to make sure the kids are ok.

Redredwine's picture

Ooh, you're so close. It's our money and I supported his decision to fight the fight so that meant I was okay with him using his lawyer like a therapist. I stopped participating when it was just the same discussion over and over. I'm sure the lawyer loved it.

kathc's picture

Screw that. He better start appreciating the heck out of you! Maybe his gravy train needs to stop. That might get his attention.

thinkthrice's picture

#3. Come to think of it Chef does this all the time. I'll pull in the driveway and one of his "work buddies" has stopped in. Sometimes I'm not properly dressed in the morning on a weekend and up will pull one of his work buddies wanting to borrow one of his tools because he's already told them "just come over and get it" :barf:

Redredwine's picture

Been starting to do all that except that when I told him I'd take back all the bill payments he got pissed that I don't think he can do it. He can, he doesn't. It's always by the skin of his teeth.

Redredwine's picture

Oh and I pointedly told him he's never said thank you. He came back some defense and I said to think about it for a minute of where he would be financially at this point if it wasn't for me.

thinkthrice's picture

Ha Ha; Chef has often tried to turn that one around on me:

Chef: "If it wasn't for me, you'd be in blah blah blah dire straights financially"

Umm, no just the opposite.

Also he tends to think quite highly of himself and that he, Redneck Extraordinaire pulled ME from a life of low echelon debauchery. Which is so far from reality I can't begin to name the galaxy where this came from.