Should I go to SD's Sweet 16
I'm thinking no. SD turned 16 this week. We already went out to celebrate (and she picked a fancy restaurant where we couldn't bring DS1, of course) but her big Sweet 16 party is this weekend. We have a sitter for DS1. I bought a nice dress. But after all of this I'm not in the mood. DH will be socializing with family and friends and having a great time and I will have a permanent sour face. I floated the idea of DH maybe going by himself and he said whatever I felt comfortable doing was fine but he thought we would have a good time.
Things have calmed down at home. Last week was spring break and BM took the skids on vacation, so I got a breather from the hostility. DH did not hear much from them. They came back this weekend. SD is tanned and relaxed and in a great mood enjoying her special "birthday week". The anger from her last visit is gone and she is back to her old self again which means one word answers or silence with me/DD/DS.
DH and I start marriage counseling in a few weeks. In the meantime I'm seeing my therapist and I went twice last week. DH came to one of them and it helped a lot. We all agreed that SD needs real consequences for her behavior which DH has attempted to give her. But therapist also pointed out several things I was doing that are not at all helpful to the situation and I'm working on that.
DH and I talked about consequences for SD. We finally agreed on chores for the next month (2 weeks of which she is here). I had him add more and more things until I felt it was suitable in both quantity and grossness considering her behavior. I felt vindicated. That's not the right word. But even though there was no apology she would have to take time out of her birthday week and ruin her manicure scraping our garbage cans clean. He gave SD the list of chores and the deadlines on Sunday morning and she had no reaction. She just shrugged and said ok. Yesterday I saw SS out in the garage scrubbing away at some spilled paint and I told him SD is supposed to be doing that. He said his birthday present to SD was doing her chore list. I had been feeling pretty good and I got angry again.
I am thinking I'm not going to have a good time at a party celebrating SD16. If DH told his family DS1 was sick and I had to stay home with him they probably wouldn't think there was anything strange about my absence and they would not take it as a snub. But I'm also thinking I would love a night out with dancing and an open bar at a fancy country club even if I have to see SD's face everywhere. But I probably won't go.