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SS may have just ended my marriage

Ram's picture

Dh and I have been fighting non stop since ss fed our kittens to his snakes. He is tired of hearing about it and I am worried about our newborn. I can't trust ss near our dd. He has no problem harming pets what about a baby? What is the difference to him? I am not sleeping and I refuse to let him near my baby. On Sunday I took a phone call while dh was holding the baby and when I came back in ss was holding the baby feeding her a bottle. I had an epic melt down on dh and told ss never to touch my baby again. SS tossed yes tossed my newborn onto the couch and said, "Whatever. I'm going home." He walked out of the house and other ss and sd walked out with him. Dh ran out after them and they got into his car and left. 3 hours later dh comes home and doesn't say much. I asked if is going to punish ss for tossing our daughter and dh had the nerve to go off on me! We fought all night and when he went to sleep on the couch I told him ss is never allowed in our house again and dh said fine. Last night he got home late and said he found a rental house and he applied for it and should know today. I was shocked!! I asked what he was talking about and he said he won't be one of those men that abandon his kids for a woman. So he will move out till his kids are grown and then we can live in one house again. His dd just turned 12. So at least 6 years. Our dd will have 6 years without her dad living with her because of ss! I told him it sounded great and I will help him pack.

I told him great but I am incredibly upset and stunned. Our baby is 6 weeks old. I was supposed to take the next 4 years off from teaching till dd started preschool. Now I will have to go back to work in August. I am waiting till 9 to call my old school and see if they have any spots open. I shouldn't have an issue finding a teaching job so that isn't an issue. My life just turned upside down and I am so pissed off!!!!!

Comments

Kiwiflowers6's picture

Did you miss that her ss tossed the 6 WEEK OLD NEWBORN on the couch!?!?!?! Sorry but If someone tossed my baby, I would freak out! Shaken baby syndrome is REAL, you do not have to actually shake baby for this to occur, and jarring to the head causes swelling and crystallization around the brain and could lead to SIDS. You wanna risk your own child being killed by another person?

I don't think she overreacted to begin with since she has legit fears for her baby.

SS fed kittens to his snakes, ss clearly has no regard toward other pets. who knows what he would do with the baby. ( especially if her dh wasn't sitting right there. sks act different around the bio parent than the step parent in most cases from what i have read from all of you on here over the last couple years)

she is right to ask that he not hold the baby. It isn't like she said he can never come around, she just doesn't want him holding her for the fear of what might happen. Sorry but better to err on the side of caution then to dismiss and end up with a dead kid on your hands.

HER mothering instincts are kicking in and telling her to protect her daughter. Instincts aren't there for no reason.

*devils advocate*

hereiam's picture

He has no problem harming pets what about a baby? What is the difference to him?

The difference is, the stray kittens were not pets, he did not torture them for kicks, he merely saw them as food for his snakes. Nothing about that indicates that he would hurt the baby. Let it go.

YOU are causing the problem in your marriage.

New_to_this's picture

I was just about to post a similar post on having DH move out because I feel that soon I will no longer be able to live with SS. Your SS is a lot worse than mine though. He killed kittens and tossed a newborn baby! You are absolutely right to want to live in separate households to protect your baby and yourself. I feel for you and I feel the same way. I also have a toddler that I'm trying to protect. I can't leave DH because he will have the baby half the time and I won't know what is going on in his household during that time. DH doesn't want us to separate, but is also concerned about the situation and mentioned the two household compromise to me. I also left my job after the baby was born and now I am looking for jobs much earlier than anticipated because of SS. I don't have any advice, but I know how you're feeling. Take care of yourself and your baby.

HadEnoughx5's picture

First of all...((((HUGS))))! DH is willing to sacrifice one child for the other on who gets a Dad. I don't think you were over reacting at all. SS is harming animals. Your job is to protect your baby. I'd see if he will go for counseling about this. Hang in there.

HadEnoughx5's picture

I agree to disagree with you. I think we just need to be understanding and let her vent her frustration.

KinaTina357's picture

I hate snakes, I'm really afraid of them. My SO had a small python when I met him and I couldn't sleep over because I was so scared she'd get out and crawl on me in the night. I just don't get the appeal, they'd eat you in a heart beat if they could. It's not like they love you at all. The cat thing is really sad, if the snakes were in my house, I'd say they have to go, but that's just me. You can get pretty good money for them.

That being said, I have to agree you are stretching the whole serial killer animal torturing thing. If it had been the family cat, or he broke there legs before or something, then I would see where you are coming from. Boys like to destroy things and watch animals eat each other. Think about the ants and the magnifying glass or how they ALWAYS have to throw patio furniture into the pool when no one is around. It's part of there nature.

He is your DH's son, and he's not going anywhere. I think you need to calm down and try to compromise and blend the family. Your daughter is your SS's sibling and I bet it made your DH happy to see him holding her and feeding her. Don't ruin your marriage because you want your daughter to be the DH's first priority. Think about how much you love her. That's how DH feels about ALL of his children. If he thinks you're one of those women who make him choose, he'll resent you and you guys will never make it.

Disneyfan's picture

But she provided the kid with the kittens knowing darn well he had a pet snake,so calling CPS may hurt her.

Disneyfan's picture

Normal people do not abandon kittens in the wild to be feasted upon by wild animals like the OP did. Both the OP and the kid sound nuts to me and I hate cats.

twoviewpoints's picture

You're aware, I'm sure, that some cultures of humans actually dine on cats and dogs? They see a "soft cuddly animal" , kill it and serve it for dinner.

I realize that's not the point you're going for, but there has been absolutely no sign (mentioned from OP except this cat as snake food) that this kid randomly runs around killing/torturing animals in the manner you are running with.

twoviewpoints's picture

Courts don't rule on " Perhaps this is it? ". Pure speculation. You know that.

FieryEscape's picture

Ummm I don't think he told them he wanted the kittens for snake food ...where did you read that ?

twoviewpoints's picture

It's over. You killed it. Now get on with it and have your lawyer start the divorce.

Just remember DH has a good change of shared custody . Meaning your SS will be spending plenty of time with his baby sibling on Dad's time. You'd have to have much more than SS fed a kitten to a snake to CO his banishment from baby's presence.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Some people think dog fighting is part of normal childhood behavior, just depends on what part of this lovely country you are from.

I think it is weird the kid fed his snakes kittens but it is certainly not that off base and doesn't mean he will harm your child.

Cocoa's picture

It seems everyone is overlooking the fact that SS didn't tell OP the reason he took the kittens. Of COURSE she's gonna be shocked! I would too! He didn't tell her because he KNEW she wouldn't agree. And frankly whether he had snakes or not would never cross my mind. Those kittens may not have been proper pets but they were receiving love and attention from the family. SS knew exactly what he was doing. And I'd NEVER trust this monster around my baby either. If DH is willing to break up his family over this kid who obviously needs help I'd tell him to not let the door hit him in the ass. DH doesn't know what being married is about. And I would consider this a separation, go make it legal and file for child support. I would absolutely refuse to speak to DH unless we received marriage counseling and take it from there. I'd bet this isn't the ONLY instance your DH sided with his kids over you

Cocoa's picture

Even had I been aware of the snakes I would never dream the kittens would have been used for food, but I'm not suspicious that way. SS PURPOSELY didn't disclose that fact

Cocoa's picture

Yeah I read it but forgot to comment. SS doing that proves the fear OP has. I'd lay bets that SS is heading for prison. OP you may be dodging a bullet here.

Disneyfan's picture

The baby isn't just the OP's baby. Clearly, dad doesn't think the son is a threat to the baby. He didn't think the boy tossed the infant on the couch.

Surely the kid didn't JUST turn into some monster that the OP fears. Who the heck knowingly brings a child into a family/home with a budding psycho animal/kid killer???

still learning's picture

My 14 yr old has a snake but it stays at his fathers house. DS has asked several times to bring it here but I am not a snake/reptile person and don't want it in my home and getting loose. exH's caged critters get loose all the time and he thinks it's funny, me, not so much. We have cats and a dog, they are cuddly and that's the way I like it.

OP, rather than getting rid of the ss how about relocating the snake? I do understand your reaction, if the snake is big enough to eat kittens then I would be freaked having it in the house w/a newborn.

robin333's picture

Put me in the confused category too. Who can look at a kitten and see food? I need happy thoughts now.

HadEnoughx5's picture

I agree with you LadyFace. It's not like the skid fed it crickets. Skid got pleasure out of it either for himself or to get attention.

Growing up a kid in my neighborhood physically hurt one of my rabbits. Didn't kill it but did something to its eye. The next thing she did was set 2 fires in the neighborhood. One home was totally destroyed and torn down.

Cocoa's picture

Because it's going to take those paychecks time to start rolling in and he abandoned her with no warning

Cocoa's picture

I didn't see where she banned him. He walked out and said he was going "home". This obviously needed discussion between husband and wife, but her DH chose to leave.

Willow2010's picture

OP way over reacted to the boy holding the baby. (still not sure the OP is not crew though) Get on some hormones.

And I am pretty sure you can’t feed kittens to snakes legally. Kinda like you can’t feed kittens to dogs. You can bet your butt that if someone threw a little kitten in with their dogs so the dogs could eat it…they would be arrested. I am surprised at the people that really think it is ok, normal AND legal to feed a kitten to a snake. Lol.

The 15 year old is a weirdo and will probably end up being a crazy killer.

robin333's picture

Eggs are not living, breathing creatures. Would your boys feed kittens to a snake? I doubt it. Please tell me that I am not wrong.

Willow2010's picture

LF...I did not say that. AT ALL.

Camper...I call BS. Too many people get arrested or charged for animal abuse for this to be legal.

Willow2010's picture

And a quick google search shows that a lot of sick efers have been arrested for feeding kittens to pet snakes.

Teas83's picture

I would also be very concerned about the skid tossing a newborn onto a couch.

Teas83's picture

The OP said she called her school to see if there are any openings and that she shouldn't have trouble finding a teaching job.

Teas83's picture

LOL.

notsobad's picture

My cousin breeds snakes and raises mice and rats to feed them and to sell to other snake owners.

She said that while kittens and bunnies are food for snakes, none of her associates would ever consider using them for food.
She also said that it's best to kill the mice and rats first. Gassing can harm the snake. Feeding them live animals can do damage to the snake, they will scratch and bite and fight for their lives.

So this kid either put live kittens in with a snake and watched them get eaten or he killed that kittens first.

As for him not being one of those parents who abandons his kids for a woman, well he's abandoning his newborn. So how is that any better.

These two adults need to get some counseling and figure out how to work through this.

Disneyfan's picture

He's not abandoning his newborn. If separating from or divorcing your wife equals abandoning your children, then every man posted about here is guilty.

notsobad's picture

Personally, my take on kids hunting depends on what the adults teach them. Are they going to take their deer/turkey to a butcher and eat it? Are they teaching a survival life skill and respect for the animal they kill? Or are they teaching trophy hunting?

My Dad hunted and he took my brother. They ate what they killed, they didn't need the food. Not the way people did in the past but they still honored the life of the animal by using the food and hide.
That brother is now a vegetarian, so I'm not sure what he learned hunting?

I am completely disgusted by big game hunters. They stalk and kill for the pure thrill of it and they don't even do it in a fair way. They bait and draw the animal out of the bush or away from reserves, disgusting.

Cocoa's picture

If he were a responsible snake owner he would have let OP and Dad know the reason he wanted to kittens. There is NO defending this.

notsobad's picture

Whether this is a troll or not, this thread has brought up an interesting topic.

The way we look at animals and food.

Snakes eat meat and only meat, they are carnivores. There's no getting around that.
Most adults are okay with that as long as we don't have to kill the food ourselves and as long as the food is something that we look at as a nuisance. Mice and rats.
As soon as we think about that same snake eating kittens or puppies, we are disgusted and appalled.

We eat meat, but only if it's an acceptable animal. A cow, chicken or pig. Wild meat can be okay and rabbit falls somewhere in the middle.
You start talking about eating horse meat and people get upset. Talk about eating dog meat and people loose their minds.
There was an incident in a Vancouver public bbq area. A family from Central America were roasting a guinea pig. It's a very common food where they are from and they didn't see anything wrong with it. People in the area called the cops and they were horrified.

I am not defending this kid (if this is real and not a troll, the woman has a newborn and her husband just moved out, being on a website isn't her top priority right now).

However, I do think we need to think about where we stand on meat and the food chain. My brother is vegetarian because he doesn't like the way big farm treats it's animals.
Another friend only eats meat from the small time farmer a couple of miles away from him because he also doesn't like the way big farm treats animals.
I also worked with an Asian woman who will anything if it keeps her alive. She believes humans are at the top of the food chain and it's our right to eat everything.

If I had to catch or kill my meals, I wouldn't last very long. I've never had to kill anything and don't honestly think I could.

robin333's picture

I think much has to do with whether an action is active or passive. It's passive to eat something put in front of you that you didn't raise, slaughter and process. It's another thing to feed live creatures to something else. Even the thought of feeding live rats to a snake makes me cringe.

My adorable cats kill birds, squirrels, mice, rabbits, etc. That doesn't appall me in the same way. I am not presenting live, breathing and warm creatures to my catsin an entrapped environment. They are doing it on their own accord and the poor bird, rabbit, mouse has a fighting chance.

And for the record, I haven't eaten a mammal in 20 plus years. And have been vegetarian for a while- I am still struggling with dairy. The way these animals are treated is atrocious and that's my personal act of defiance against the food industry.

And let's face it, fermented fruit (wine) and vegetables ( vodka, whiskey) rock over meat anytime Smile

notsobad's picture

An aside, did you know that some wines are refined with isinglass, which comes from fish or are filtered through bone char?
Same with some beers.

I learned this from my brother and his wife, I had no idea!

robin333's picture

NO!!! I had no idea.

Is nothing sacred? First, cute, cuddly kittens are food and then animals are used for wine and beer? Well, I guess I have to research this weekend to find truly animal free wine. Geez!!!! It's wine.

Anything you want to share about spirits?

Peridwen's picture

1. Literally tossing the newborn - Very bad. But also are your overprotective mama instincts making it worse than it is? Are you so upset over the kittens that you see evil in normal?

2. The kittens - I didn't comment on your other post, but DH and I both had the same reaction to it. Feral kittens = snake food to a snake owner. Meh. Then again we eat fluffy bunnies for dinner - my grandpa made a delicious hasenpfeffer. And we eat Bambi. So I guess DH and I don't buy into the "It's so cute I can't eat it." I don't eat cat, dog, or horse but I refuse to condemn anyone who chooses to do so; it would be rather hypocritical.

a better life's picture

you make some excellent points in #2. We are a country of meat eaters including many people who raise their own animals on a farm, often with the kids even naming them, petting and being kind to and them being pseudo pets (for awhile). They are then sent off to market and eaten by people. It definitely does add up with making this kid out to be a monster over this. It is sad that the baby will be without her Dad 1/2 the time now (most likely this is going to end in divorce) but I can see why the Dad did what he had to do in this case.