Dh told me he wants a divorce. They win. I lost.
Dh tried to enforce visitation this weekend and his kids refused to answer the door or their phones. So dh texted bm he would be calling the police as he has 50/50 custody. He took his CO to the police station and the officer he talked to basically told him that it sucks to be him and he needs to hire an attorney. DH texted his kids and said he wanted just him and them for dinner and none of them responded to him. He is really upset and i am trying to support him but I feel awful knowing they won't see him because of me. How much longer till he realizes I am not worth it?
SO dh let bm and his kids know I will be coming around and staying with dh and them on the weekends while we try to mend our family. Well his kids called dh and told him they wouldn't come over anymore if they had to see me. Dh told them they had no choice. Well guess what? Dh hasn't seen his kids his last 2 visitation times and his attorney told him not to fight it because bm would win. Dh had sent her some texts reassuring her I wouldn't be around the kids anymore during my sickness and now they can be used against him.
I got to thinking yesterday and decided to broach the subject with our marriage counselor and I sent her an email. She brought it up and dh was wishy washy saying that when his kids are 18 and grown we can live together. She asked him why and then proceeded to ask him why he would abandon his grown kids when they are at the fun age and need him the most for life advice as they start out on their own. She told him that makes him a horrible father. She said waiting till they are grown to push them away with me is worse than doing it when they are underage.
DH and I have been doing great. We are seeing each other every day and spending the night at each others house although we aren't having "the sex". I don't want to risk getting pregnant again. I had ppd with my first and this time I completely lost it and myself when dd was born. I believe the reason I let him have joint custody of our newborn was because I was scared of becoming overwhelmed and harming her. I don't worry about that now and I feel fantastic! Dh gets the big snip done on the 19th. We have a 3 month wait after that and he gets a test to be sure he is in the clear.
I met with my therapist last night and we got to talking about what I should be focusing on and goal orientated towards now. My next goal would be for dh and I to move back in together but not right away. She wants me to invite dh to my therapy session next week and see where his head is at and what his goals are. If we have the same goals she is going to refer us to a marriage counselor and I will check in with her as needed.
I am feeling so much better. My meds have kicked in and I don't have a foggy head anymore. My therapist has seen an improvement and mentioned it last night. We are going to hold steady on everything for a while and see what happens. Dh and I are still separated. We stopped dating for a while but the last 3 weeks we have been going out and having fun. Ds and dd are doing great. I hate to admit this but it helps that dh has her 50/50. It gives me a break and allows me to work on me. I hit the gym, go to a book club, shopping and just try to do things for me and spend time with ds.
I will admit I am not seeing things clearly. It's like I am in a fog right now. I need some help understanding what happened at switch off last night. SS had tutoring so dh came and got him afterwards. I told him I was sorry and I wanted us to be a family again. I didn't want a divorce and that we can work this through i just need some time to figure out my depression issues. He responded by saying take all the time you need, I will always be here if you need me as a friend. I was surprised and said just as a friend huh? He said that is what we are now, friends.
We had our counseling session last night. I took your advice and I mentioned that I was having jealous feelings over the tutor. I told dh that this separation was to much and I felt like I was losing him. I told him I wanted us to work towards living together and being a family again. I told him that I would like to see the stepkids and work on rebuilding my relationship with them and he said no. He said that his living situation is working out better then he hoped. His kids are happy, he is happy and that I am happy. I told him I wasn't happy and that I missed our family.
Dh and I are living apart but dating. We have 50/50 of our 4th month old and he has 50/50 on opposite weeks of his other kids. We live apart because his oldest scares me, for more background I left my past posts up. Kitten killer is flunking out of school and needs a tutor. Dh hired a teacher from the middle school to help him after school at their home. She comes over and helps him 3 days a week from 6 to 7. Dh is always home when she is there and on bm's weeks dh still does the tutoring at his home since bm isn't always home.