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Proud of my son (Skid) but my heart breaks for him too.

Rags's picture

Recently my son (SS-19) called my parents to tell them that he would like to spend his ThanksGiving (7 days) and Christmas leave (10 days) with them at their house. They were thrilled and they told him he is always welcome. Dad asked him if he was going to Oregon (SpermLand) for part of either holiday. He said "No Deepa, I am not ready to go back there yet. I want to relax with family." I was proud of my son for making his decision based on what he wanted and not in response to a toxic guilt trip, and I hurt for him at the same time. What kind of sick dramatic crap does a family have to subject a young man to in order to get him to not want to spend the holidays with them?

He knows that mom and dad will welcome him, expect him to participate with the family, ask him a ton of questions about his life in the USAF and his plans for college and the future, give him advice and guidance, ask him to go to the farmers market with them to pick out stuff for the feasts, go hiking at Enchanted Rock with dad, and help clean up after dinners. But he also knows that their love is unconditional, they won't lay any guilt trip on him, try to get him to give them money, give him crap for being privileged, harass him about joining the military, etc, etc, etc......

Though they can be PITA and petty and bitchy your Skids know who has their back. No matter how much they may behave otherwise they know. Kids are not stupid and they know which blended family household has their backs and which is toxic. It is our job as parents/sparents to parent, inform them of the facts and prepare them for viable adulthood even when the opposition seems hell bent on lying to them, leading them to inept entitlement status or to be eternally dependent on the toxic parent.

So, my son is seemingly progressing to viable adulthood and is learning how to minimize the toxic influence of his SpermClan while addressing his desires to have some relationship with them.

Go kid go. Your mom and I are so proud of you.



emotionaly beat up's picture

Lovely story, it is nice to read something nice on this site, relief from the stresses and strains so many of us are living with. Well done, your SS sounds pretty well adjusted I can understand why you are proud of him.

Rags's picture


Yes, I know I can be bipolar on this issue. I truly do want him to have a relationship with the SpermClan. My preference would be for that relationship to be entirely on his terms rather a reaction to their toxic vitriolic manipulations.

Undoubtedly he will make periodic trips to SpermLand to be poisoned by THEM and I also know there is nothing I can do to stop it nor would I want to. His mom and I will do what we always do, have his back. We will give him guidance from our perspective but we will have his back.

Good to see you my friend.

Best regards,

icecubenow's picture

Isn't that what "they" say? Skids will eventually grow up (except for Tatum, SA) and their eyes will open to those who have been there forever. Without fail, you have been steadfast throughout your SS's life.

I admire the way you have kept your cool and have stayed positive, in light of the bashing and gnashing of teeth on BM's side of the world.

paul_in_utah's picture

You know, I have heard the same thing - "When they are older, the will appreciate all that you have done." For a long time, I wanted to believe that, and seeing examples like Rags shows that it is possible. However, the majority of postings on here have shown me that most skids never "come around." After years of hoping, I have resigned myself to the fact that SD17 will always be a lazy, arrogant, manipulative, and entitled brat.

BabyDoll's picture

Thank you for such a wonderful blog entry. Your SS is so lucky to have such a nice stepfather/role model as part of his life.