O/T. Getting close to the end of my rope... and DW is nailing it at her new firm.
Work has gone ballistic. Idiot decisions at very Sr. levels. Panic in every direction.
I very well be done at EOM May.
Hopefully I am hit in a RIF and can leverage unemployement and my Vacation pay out for a break and to fund my next job search.
We are selling our home. It has been fully furnished with all utilities on, alarm system active, etc.... with no one living in it other than occassional check-in trips by DW and/or myself.
DW is there getting the pantry cleared out and our personal treasures loaded so the realtor and the staging photographer can get the listing pics taken on Sat.
She had her partner review meeting on Monday..... they have put her on accelerated partner track after only 90 days at her new firm. Go beautiful go!!!
She really is a Rock Star.
I, on the other hand, am an aging former Rock Star who is seriously contemplating retirement. However, my preference is to go another 6-8 years and then retire with my Rock Star bride.
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Transitions
You know the 2 things about transitions, right? 1) they"re hard and 2) they end. Not fun to go thru. You've been living with stress with your recent subordinates, just look forward to that issue going away.
I'm glad your DW is settling into her new position well. Now it will be your turn.
TY for the reminder
I appreciate the empathy and guidance.
I need some decompression time.
Possible retirement
I know you want to continue working, perhaps you have that "male as provider" thought. But in case that doesnt work out, let me share a couple thoughts.
First, retirement cost less than I thought. No work expense (transpo, clothes, lunches). Less service provider cost (lawn, cleaners). You have more time and energy to think about your expenses and align them with your true feelings.
Second, your DW might love you being retired. When DH85 retired before me, he took on all errands: bank, drug store, cleaners, gas, groceries, etc. It was heavenly, I didn't realize how much that stuff wore me out before work, lunchtime or after work. He also stepped up around the house (vacuuming) so when I was off, I could rest more.
So, if retirement turns out to be your path, be prepared for good surprises, for both you and DW.
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Unless the spouse
Is a mad spender who thinks money grows on trees. I retired at 62 and highly recommend it. I'm just as busy now though because you see how much you neglected working full time.
Fortunately, neither one of us are over spenders.
Yes, we live well and occassionally splurge, but... we have always been fairly modest compared to our income as far as housing, cars, and goods expenditures are concerned.
We have bought $250K homes when we could qualify for $750K homes. We have bought cars on about a 10 year interval and spent less than half of what we could comfortably have spent. We attended moderate cost grad school programs when we both were accepted into top tier programs. Spending ~$39K rather than $80K+ for each program. We did the pay as you go model rather than schools loans and used employer school benefits whenever available.
DW's family were low income and extremely frugal shoppers... though they have always had a major problem with instant gratification spending when it comes to worn out valueless farm equipment. DW learned that buying cheap and having to replace items on a regular short term basis is far more expensive than buying quality once..... while spending more money initially.
My family was increasingly successful and remained modest in spending.
Our son, is ... our son. He is a fully self supporting adult. Unlike anyone in his SpermClan including the Spermidiot or the SpermGrandParents. His three younger SpermSibs are tragic failures. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind #3.
Selling the house we will profit significantly, eleminate 100% of our debt, and cut our monthly living expenses by about 60% over supportintgtwo homes in separate States. Investing that over the next 6-8yrs will allow us to retire debt free while paying cash for a retirement home.
A notably comfortable retirement. Not on the level of my C-Suite younger brother who I am extremely proud of, but not a retirement to sneeze at by any means.
In the relatively past few months, we have worked the numbers
and they are far better than we had originally projected. The recent housing ramp has put us in a very good position to go debt free, add to our investments, reduce our monthly expenditures, and max out our investments over the next half dozen+ years.
Once the house is sold, we can comfortably live on either of our incomes and invest 100+% of the other's income while both maxing 401K/IRA investments including my catch up higher contributions.
THe challenge will be supporting DW as she works through not owning a home. We have owned a home for all but 3yrs of our nearly 29 year marriage. I grew up in Expat company housing for most of my childhood so for me home is where the family is. For DW growing up always staving off foreclosure... home ownership is hugely important and a defining element of stability. Even if we do not live in the same State as the house.
Not so fast
When you say that she is on partner, are you saying she is a lawyer?
if so, you are getting out at the correct time because if she has a partner track, she is going to be miserable until she retires. The hours are awful. Sure, the money would be good if you enjoy selling your soul for a living. I am a lawyer. I would know. That is why I wouldn't "the partner gig" unless I owned the firm outright.
CPA.
Her current firm has very strong work/life balance culture and policies. Unlike the last firm that she nearly killed herself for.
Nearly 5years of more than 1000hrs of OT per year, never ending tax seasons (primary, non profits, extensions, etc...) failure to adequately staff, continuous turnover of new hires due to no training, etc, etc, etc... Great money, shit work life balance.
Her new firm more than matched her total income including OT with their base salary offer. Now, she earns more than she did working herself to death and only works 40-50 hrs a week instead of 60+. They do not pay base OT like her past firm, but this one is a large highly regarded multi State firm instead of a sincle office specialty firm.
She has worked for a number of very good firms over the years. Initially primarily in Audit and assurance, then with a high level of Tax focus. A her new firm she is a Manager in Entreprenuerial Svs's and the ESG Tax SME. She has thrived at firms that have miltiple work flows. When she has been a single service leader (either audit, or tax) it wears her out. At multi services firms, she thrives. She kicks ass at any firm. But, multi services is where she blossoms.
If you want to get out
I hope you get RIF'd. I can't remember if Mrs Rag's work is remote but if it is, you'd have more scope to look for a opportunities outside of your current city.
As JRI says, its sometimes good to have your partner take over the domestic side of things. I know that while I'm still full time it is great that my DH has taken over all of the cooking and cleaning since he is semi retired.
She is no longer remote. Though her new role is hybrid.
She works in the office and from home though her preference is the people interface in the office. Nearly 2 years of 100% remote was not healthy for her either emotionally, or professionally.
As she increases her income, our retirement investments are growing substantially. Though I am ~20% below my peak earning levels she is closing the income gap and will certainly match me in the next relatively few years. I have no need to be the primary earner though I also do not want to be a burden.
I am having some guilt over the last 13yrs of transitions every 2 years. Transfers, moves, buying and selling homes, some periods on the bench while she was the primary earner, etc...
Not due to some testosterone he man complex. Due to the stress it puts on my DW and the anxiety it drives for her duedue to the frequent changes and transitions.
A life of adventure and Expat opportunities does have costs in emotional strain and lack of roots. I thrive on change. That is hard on her and due to that, I am struggling with some guilt.
Intellectually I know that we have always made solid decisons with the information we had at the time. I am not a "why me" person. DW, does struggle with that perspective. That tires me out. Not as much as my nomad chasing change wears our DW.
TY all so much for letting me work through this and for the
advice and guidance.
You are appreciated.