Just stop already.
It is time for people in relationships with the master creators of toxic progeny to just stop, extricate their heads from their own asses, and get out.
No more grasping at the straws of non existent positive qualities, no more enabling, no more making excuses, no more. Just no more.
Please people. Have some testicular fortitude, have some self respect, grab hold of some element of sanity, take off the rose colored glasses of the tingly feeling that the creator of toxic progeny creates in you, and just stop already.
For some reason it never ends. The number of people who are voluntarily infecting their own lives with these people and their toxic progeny and who have no business in the lives of any decent person is mind boggling and beyond the bounds of sanity.
It is so infuriating to see it happen over, and over and over again. Few ever learn, and there always seems to be an endless supply line of people to take up the self destructive cause of having a relationship with these morons.
Why can't people see what is plain as day right in front of their faces, recognize the pain that keeps smacking them in the face, and just purge the toxic from their lives?
Rescue projects never work and so many people keep sticking their happy bits in the proverbial light socket of continual pain with these people and then cry, gnash their teeth and lament the pain while continuing to fry their happiness over and over and over again.... on purpose. Even though it is perfectly clear that they are making idiot decisions over and over again.
I just don't get it.
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Bravo Rags,,,bravo.
Bravo Rags,,,bravo.
Life is too short.
Annnd
that is why these Disney Parents need the 666 tatooed prominently on their foreheads. Of course that still may not stop some masochists.
So true
Rags, I haven't posted much in the years I have been reading this site, but one of the aspects I have come to know is your opinions and advice, of people in general and step situations are very much on par with my own. Do I always see things in my own relationship with the 20/20 vision I should, no, but I do pay attention and gain wisdom from your posts.
I appreciate your no nonsense approach to life and people and a generally the same way in my normal life. I don't suffer fools gladly and will call out people when required. My DH is different in his principles and doesn't understand my choice to cut out toxicity from my life, he rather tries to see (or make up) the good in people, even when there is none to see. Sometimes this makes me question my attitude and second guess if im too much of a hardass and if I do focus on the negative in people. Maybe I do, or maybe I just have standards which when breached by people provide me with the choice to keep allowing toxicity in, or cutting them out.
At this stage of my life I have had enough outside toxicity infiltrating my life to know that I don't want or need it. I prefer to focus on the good loyal and loving people in my life and let the others go on with their life, without me in it. My latest dilemna of if I should allow my toxic SD back into my life was second guessing my own principles because my DH tried to make out that I was being cruel and negative, essentialy the toxic person in the scenario. I had to stand back from myself and look at what I would say to a friend in the same situationn as well as take on board the advice from fellow stalkers to see the reality. Then it became clear what I should do - trust my own intuition, principles and judgement and, as you said, not take in a rescue project.
Sometimes it takes looking at a sitution like you would an investment opportunity, analyse the benefits vs costs and come to a conclusion if the situation will add value to your life or take it away. For me, bringing SD back into my life with take value away.
Thanks Rags, I really like reading your posts. You give great insight with a no bullsh*t apraisal of the situation.
I just want people to stop
I just want people to stop torturing themselves and to stop serving themselves up to these toxic people. As was said, "life is too short".
It is better to take a do over and move on to a chance to be happy than to eternally embrace self delusional torture with these people.
You could've told me this
You could've told me this over and over years ago when I was with my exH. I knew it. Oh, I knew it...all of it. Still, somehow, I wasn't ready to leave. Wasn't brave enough, was still holding on to that ridiculous family notion and "for better or worse" crap.
People are only ready when they are ready. Sometimes they never are ready. It's horrible and painful to watch but that is just the way it works. You want to scream at them or just kidnap them and save them. Fix them...glue them back together.
Still...they are only ready when (if) they are ready. And it is heartbreaking.
I think that people can
I think that people can choose to live their life how they choose. If a life of service is what they want to do, then so be it. If they want to think about themselves a bit more that's also their prerogative. Ultimately it's down to what an individual chooses to do.
It's a slippery slope to purge "all toxicity" from your life. I agree that minimizing it is beneficial, but to completely sever it all is to be a person without compassion for others. It's almost disconnected, in a way. I don't agree with it.
Compassion can be applied in
Compassion can be applied in many directions that do not include having compassion for toxic people. Though certainly one can choose to be compassionate towards those who chose toxicity.
I do understand your perspective. It certainly can be a fine line between writing off toxicity and not being compassionate towards others.
Logic dictates that compassion and love both require others to earn it at some point. Toxic earns nothing. Not tolerance, not compassion and certainly not love. For the most part children certainly have unconditional love from parents .... to a point. At least the ones blessed with decent parents. After that point love requires reasonable behavior.
That point is the choice of each individual.
Just my thoughts of course.