How can a role that exists because of failed marriage and broken families be positive? That is THE question and THE goal of Sparenting.

On the surface being a StepParent in a positive way may seem daunting or even impossible.

Sparenting is likely the most difficult emotionally intense role anyone can willingly accept. But, oh the rewards. A child who's life has experienced so much uncertainty and upheaval can come to us, in our homes and feel loved, a part of a strong family, and truly belong to something that provides them with stability and a foundation to grow in to adults of personal character and of standing in their communities.

Because of what we can offer them as bonus parents they can go on to successful marriages and have truly stable and strong families of their own.

Our battles are rarely monumental. They are constant small struggles to guide StepKids in a positive direction. They are often a constant pressure of gentle guidance used to direct our spouses to make decisions and take actions that are truly in the best interests of the kids and not just giving the kid what the kid wants when the kid wants it. Sometimes our efforts and influences are not so gentle and roughly akin to writing the RIGHT decision on a 2x4 and beating our spouses over the heads with it until they get it. Learning how to apply progressive motivation in order to leverage the right effort from our spouses and from the blended family opposition is one of our biggest challenges. And yes, sometimes progressive motivation does require the message to be written on a 4x4 and applied liberally to the craniums of our spouses, the Xs and the Skids when the 2x4 did not get the message across.

Our roles are ones of providing assists for our spouses and our Skids. We are always there, always ready and always, always, always or at least nearly always under-appreciated. And we rarely if ever get to be the lead.

Our wins come when the Skid sits by us on the sofa and places their head on our shoulder after several days of willfully antagonizing us, in our homes when all we were doing was providing structure and stability.

Our wins come when our Skids friends say "Your Mom/Dad is really nice" and the Skid glances at you with a smile and a wink. Our wins come when our spouses thank us for being there after a particularly brutal phone call from the X.

No matter how well things seem to be going the fragile veneer can shatter at any moment and we can go from being the coolest, most loved parent and spouse to evil and unsupportive.

True victory comes to StepParents when a young man or woman moves on to their own lives with a hint of our swagger in their steps with some of the values we have provided and with a small glance over their shoulder and a wink letting us know that they know full well that they put us through hell but also know that they always have a home to come home to. They can always come home to us. The ones that will tell them the truth, the ones that know that their Mom and Dad have often hurt more than they have helped, the ones that see what the Skid is going through often far more clearly than anyone else.

We are the Bonus Parents. Every one knows that the salary or hourly wage pays the bills but the bonus's make the cool memories. We may not be the primary contributors but we can provide the cool memories.

If we choose to.

Sparenting is not an activity with an end. It is a journey that never ends. Right when you think you have nailed Sparenting down and are successful, the Skid, the spouse or the X find the discarded 2x4 and smack you in the head with it.

So you always have to ready to duck.

And in my opinion ......... the view is definately worth the climb.

We are the bonus parents and bonuses are always positive.

Just my thoughts of course.