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Is it worth it?

Rachel29577's picture

I have 2 boys 10 and 9. My boyfriend has a girl 7 and a boy 5. My boys are laid back and quiet most of the time. His two kids are very overbearing, constantly fight, and even simple tasks like walking the dog becomes an argument because one wants to hold the leash for this amount of time and the other wants to hold it the whole time. Even if I clean the windows the daughter will ask if she can help I say yes then his son comes over complaining cause he isn't cleaning windows!? My boys dislike them and don't want them around. Their mom also makes remarks about me and is constantly trying to piss my boyfriend off. So I'm wondering is he worth it? I love my boyfriend but not what he comes with. Do I just suck it up or break up with him now? 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Well, does your BF parent his kids? Does he tell them to stop squabbling or neither of them will walk the dog? Does he set limits on his kid who insists on doing a chore just because his sister is? If not, then you have a long road ahead of you.

Rachel29577's picture

Yes he tells them to stop the fighting. They just don't listen. It's an all day thing where he tells them then he gets extremely aggravated resorts to yelling then his daughter runs to the room crying. I have a cat and dog and they act like the animals are novelties. They bother them all day long won't let the cat sleep. I tell them to stop, he tells them to stop. I hate when we have his kids. Their mom calls every night we have them asking what we had for dinner, what did we do today, etc which for me is an invasion of privacy. Why does she need to know what I made for dinner just so she can go "yuck" on the phone. 

tog redux's picture

Telling them to stop isn't really high-level parenting. Do they get consequences?

I'm guessing you know all this because your kids are well-behaved. But his poor parenting is really the issue here.

Rachel29577's picture

Rarely. And the consequence would be taking away his sons game controller usually due to his son yelling at everyone else for "cheating" because he didn't win the game. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I'm picturing Willy Wonka when he keeps saying in a bored voice "stop, don't, come back" every time one of those little bad kids is about to do something that gets them zapped or turned into a blueberry. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

Same here! My kids are very easy to deal with. They're so easy to be around. SD9 is a nightmare. Overly dramatic, attention seeking, ass kissing, super fake, sneaky, dishonest, disobedient, obsessively competitive, self-absorbed, crazy, beyond annoying, and the list goes on. After six years, I can honestly say that it's NOT at all worth it. My SO is my best friend and we have a great relationship (except when we are fighting because of SD). He treats me like a queen, for the most part, and still, dealing with SD is NOT worth it. I suggest you take your kids and run.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Unfortunately, yes. I need to get some things in order before I can walk away from the situation. It would have been a lot easier for me to walk away in the beginning. Don't get more stuck than you already are. I promise, it's not worth it.

Rachel29577's picture

It's just the thought of being alone again starting all over again. And I do love him, but at the same time his kids are a packaged deal. It's heartbreaking. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

I understand. I love my SO, too. Things would be wonderful between us if SD didn't live here full-time. She causes so much drama, anger, and resentment. Don't be afraid of being alone or starting over. You know you can do it! Just do it when you're sure and ready.

Rachel29577's picture

I just don't want to end up in this same situation. I felt like since I have kids meeting someone with kids was right for me. We were talking about marriage just to have to end things because of his children. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

Oh, I get it! Blending families is so much harder than it is in the movies. LOL! You will figure it all out. Just put yourself and your kids first!

CLove's picture

Thoroughly, read through the Blogs and the forums.

It will be VERY eye opening for you.

Its like Internet Stephell Groundhog Day:

- Disney Dad who Doesnt Discipline/ Guilty Dadeee

- SpySkids who "play the houses" against each other

- Toxic HCGUBM = High Conflict Golden Uterus Bio Mother who thinks she is the perfect parent, the better parent, who just because she gave birth means that she can also control yuor household because her precious poopsies are being abused there.

- Competitive Houses

- The Murky Swamp of Custody Orders & the Dungeon of Family Court.

If you have your ducks in a row and have moved out/are ready to move out, consider dating him, not marrying him.

Rachel29577's picture

So as of one week ago my boyfriends ex wife put a claim into DSS stating that their father, and my two sons were abusing her children. A caseworker came by questioned my children and me. She's claiming there's physical and sexual abuse. The caseworker told me after interviewing my children and my boyfriends children's that there was nothing concerning going on that she was told by the kids. He is going to the lawyer on Monday to see what he can do regarding stopping her from making anymore false allegations, defamation, etc. What would you do if in my situation?