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Update on my Ex that is trying to quit smoking.

queensway's picture

Well he is doing great and seems to be back to his normal self. Thankfully. I did encourage him to stick with it and so far he is doing great. But here is the problem. He now wants his new wife to try to quit and she is not having it. That is his problem not mine. But she is telling our friends that if my husband and I didn't encourage him to quit he wouldn't want her to quit. All we did was support him when he said he wanted to do this. We didn't make him stop smoking. She has been posting things on Facebook about how mad she is at me and my husband that we supported him. My ex and I have remained good friends after our divorce. She knows this so not sure why she is upset with me and my husband. I could care less if she smokes or she quits.

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Smoking is an addiction. She doesn't want to give it up, but her husband is pushing her. Instead of being mad at him for pushing/chiding/whatever he is doing, she is blaming you two. It's easier to blame you than it is to admit to herself that yes she is addicted, yes it is negatively affecting her quality of life, and yes other people (i.e. her husband) are going to call her on continuing down what they see as a self-destructive path.

I would butt out of it entirely now. Offer a "congrats" if your ex says something, but don't offer any additional advice or encouragement. It's not worth the drama in my eyes.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Or you could apologize on facebook for wanting both of them to live a little longer, lol. }:)

Dovina's picture

So let me get this straight the new wife is complaining that her husband is trying to get her to quit a life threatening addiction :? . I agree with the above poster, just wash your hands of it. Mind you, you really weren't butting in (or out, no pun intended).

secret's picture

Maybe she's projecting... the ex-wife supported him more than the current wife... maybe she feels like a donkey... or maybe she just feels that you are influencing things in her life and she doesn't like it.

Who knows.

She won't quit if she's not ready to quit.

queensway's picture

She seems to be more upset with my husband. My ex and my husband played on the same golf league this past summer. And they are friends. But you are right she will not quit until she wants to.

ESMOD's picture

I can't imagine many people would applaud her NOT supporting him from doing something so expensive and damaging.

Honestly.. this makes you guys look great and her look stupid and petty.

You are being selfless and supporting an EX do something that is truly bad for him. Her.. she won't support her husband by quitting with him.. smdh

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Honestly I'd ignore it because only an insane person would side with her.

I mean really you guys are bad guys because you helped support someone quitting smoking? You guys are clearly bad people.

Peridwen's picture

My paternal grandmother smoked two packs a day from the time she was 15. My father (the youngest who was also raised mostly by his aunt due to family issues) was the only one in that family who didn't/doesn't smoke. Grandmother's response to anyone telling her she or one of her loved ones should quit was "Darlin, they haven't killed me or mine yet. Don't bother me with that nonsense anymore." Our choice not to smoke excluded us from many of her social activities and therefore a relationship with her. It may be that the new wife is like my grandmother and sees your Ex quitting not as a healthy, beneficial choice, but as a rejection of her lifestyle and company that was cheered on by the intrusive BM. (Yes, I know you don't see it that way and I'm not saying it's reality - just her perception.)

queensway's picture

She is actually a very nice person. We are going to a Halloween party on Oct 28th and she will be there. Maybe she will say something about him wanting her to quit smoking. But I am staying out of it now.

strugglingSM's picture

I agree with the posts above, if your ex's wife doesn't want to quit, so won't be successful. He should stop pushing. However, her blaming you publicly on social media is childish. I'm surprised that she's not ashamed that she smokes.

My dad smokes - has since he was in high school. He knows he should quit, but feels that he would be unsuccessful, so, so far, he hasn't tried. I bring it up, but don't push him on it. He sometimes gets angry at me because he feels I'm pressuring him, but he doesn't lash out like that. He would be too ashamed to admit on social media (if he had social media, which he doesn't) that he was refusing to quit. He made it very clear to me that if I ever even considered smoking, he would be so angry and disappointed with me. Her response could be one of shame...or just a need for an attention grab.