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Something happened last night.

queensway's picture

Last night I was cleaning out my clothes closet and found a old journal from almost 10 years ago. I thought I had thrown out all of my old journals but there it was. So I sat down on the bed and started reading. Within 5 minutes I started crying. Everything I wrote about was when I met my now husband. My fears about his children. His family being so judgemental. My concerns about getting to involved with this man. I wrote about our date we had and how great it was. (something I had forgot about). And that I was falling in love with this man even though it looked like the odds were against me.

So this morning I feel like that journal was my prediction on about my life in the future. Guess what everything I wrote about his children and his brothers, sisters and mother came true. EVERYTHING!

I kind of feel like I was sold a bunch of bad goods in a way. My DH was so good at telling me all the right things. That the kids were just adjusting to him being divorced. That his Mom and brothers and sisters only wanted him to be happy and would take me into the family with open arms. Guess what none of this happened. His kids must still be adjusting because they are the most spoiled and entitled grown adults I have ever seen. And the other family members are still the most judgemental aholes I have ever seen. I feel sick today about this. I know this feeling will pass but wow was I right about everything.


ESMOD's picture

Well... I know he didn't probably really mean to lie to

I'm sure that he just liked you so much that he was willing to say anything.. live in a fantasy world just so he could keep you.

In some ways, it is a lesson to others to really examine and make your own mind up.  If there are red flags, look at them squarely and decide if these are things we can live with for the next 10, 20, 30 years... In the end, the same decision may have been made and second guessing is hard not to do, but do you think that after it all that your relationship is still worth it?

queensway's picture

Lately we have had some problems with one of my skids but all in all I really love this man so yes.

ESMOD's picture

That's the right answer then:).  Of course, it would have been kind of nice had you been wrong

theoldredhen's picture

The big problem, ESMOD, is that one is so blinded by love that all things seem possible. Reason and commonsense fly out the window! 

Dickmatized is also a factor....

queensway's picture

Redhen I did get into this relationship believing it would be different. I guess you could say blinded but it was just so weird to read my own words that came true.

Dickmatized, LOL

futurobrillante99's picture

Many of us have been dickmatized, so don't beat yourself up. When I read things I've written over the last 4 years, I can't claim I didn't walk into this clusterf**k with my eyes wide open. I just had a ridiculous amount of optimism and was delusional about how much things could improve.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Honestly I think some men are in this weird denial... Like they forget reality and just want things to go a certain way, and they fool themselves into thinking that is reality...

queensway's picture

They fool themselves into thinking that is reality. That is it in a nut shell. Back when we first met and sometimes even now.

StepMamaBear6's picture

I am sorry that everything you predicted came true.  They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.  Is there anything you can do different to change your results (ie, to have a better marriage and relationship with your DH's family?)  

queensway's picture

As far as my DH's family goes I really am fine not having a relationship with these people. They are just not loving people. On the other hand my marriage has love and I do cherish that.

Dovina's picture

As hard as it is, if in the end you know you are with the right man for YOU, release the dysfunctional unwelcoming family from your mind (as best you can), and enjoy your life with DH. Thats why this forum is so good, its a place to come and share our joys and mostly our misery. It gives us strength to embrace the positives, and how to discard, and deal with the negatives.

queensway's picture

Thanks Dovina. I can't change the way somethings are but I can embrace all the positives. You are so right.

notsobad's picture

Sit down with him and read that journal to him. 

Talk about all the things that have happened and how all your fears came true. Then talk about what the two of you are going to do to change them. 

Write about the changes you want to see. Write out what you want to have happen in the next ten years. Where you want to be in these relationships, how you want your life to look.

I'm a big believer in journaling and vision boards and asking the universe to provide what I want and need. Ask for ALL the good stuff! You’ll be surprised by how much of it you get.

queensway's picture

Notsobad I love vision boards. I haven't done one in a while. I just might have to make a new one. Great idea! That could pick up my spirits today. Thanks

notsobad's picture

I have several from years ago and when we moved I was shocked to see all the things that came to fruition! 

I need to make a new one too. Lots of travel on this one, I’m thinking.

StepUltimate's picture

Me too! I love making those, and did so regularly in my 20's & 30's with a group of friends. We'd get together & bring posterboards, magazines, scissors & glue sticks, and spend an hour not talking, just listening to music, as we cut out the images & words that spoke to us and laid them out on the posterboards. Then, we'd turn the music off and each person would show their Treasure Map (I think our guiding book was by Shakti Gawain (sp?)). It was really fun!

CLove's picture

I too kept a journal. And feel very lucky that I found this site. In a way, my blog posts have also become a journal, as I made my journey forward, with the man who is now my partner in life. Would I have stuck with him knowing what I now know? I dont know. Am I intending to be with him now and in the future? The answer is a definite YES. I am lucky in that I have the support of his family and his friends, and his youngest and I care for each other very much and she is a very nice person. His eldest wanted me out, I know that now. She is a sociopathic liar (like TBM), and she has the nasty temper of her mother. 

Looking back, things have really turned around in my favor significantly. Eldest is living a few towns away, living her life peacefully. Toxic Bm - well, the longer they are divorced (I went through the divorce with him, super ugly) the longer they are divorced, the more real it becomes to her and her fangs are blunted, the poison is very very weak. She still tries things like asking to borrow his truck (er no), and asking him to hang a mirror for her (er Heck to the no). But she has been told no, and told the reason, so it feels like we have reached that "other side".

Im sorry for your pain. Sometimes reading our journals brings all the past up again and we feel it all over again as our present self encounters our past self.


queensway's picture

Finding and reading that old journal did bring up past feelings. Thanks for your kind words Clove.

advice.only2's picture

Its hard when you see you had the forethought to know these things in the beginning and how the more involved you get the more blind you become to it.

When we got custody of SD at 10 I told my DH it was going to destroy our marriage and that it wasn't going to turn out good.  Here I am 9 years later and it really did affect our marriage down to the core, so much so that it's altered how I react to him.  And we have zero relationship with SD...everything I cried to him about that fateful day we got custody came true.

queensway's picture

So you get it.Thanks. I can't say I made a huge mistake getting married later to him. I was just shocked at what insight I had during the time I wrote that journal.

StepUltimate's picture

...from my 20's & 30's are extensive. I used to pour my heart out on the page in ink. I have like 2 boxes. I would almost like to burn them, but I can't because I also recorded quotes from my dearest friends & fam, and also tape photos & concert tickets in there.

Maybe they'll be fun to read when I'm an old lady. For now, I journal on this site & in a Google doc. Extremely belpful.