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What a week.....

proud mom's picture

Last week was unreal and this one is not starting out much better. Lets see where do I begin. In case you haven't read my other blogs my h2b slapped my youngest in the mouth for spitting in his face about 2 weeks ago, my ex found out and said he was going to have him arrested. Well he didn't have him arrested (yet) but he did file a compliant so last week on Tuesday, which started out to be a great day because h2b took his written test for CDL and passed, I just got home from work and sat down to relax and a knock on the door I opened it to find a county deputy standing on my front porch. Anyway he talked with both of us and wanted to talk to both of the boys but they were not home they were at their dads and not coming home until Wed night. So Thursday the officer comes back to my house and records a statement from both my 6yr old and 10 yr old and myself. He then tells me he needs one from h2b well he is at work, so he asked if he would come down to the office and fill out the statement the next day. Not a problem we go down to the "office" and fill out the statement on Friday evening. Now it is the waiting game he has to go talk to the teachers at the school he already talked to the sitter after he gets all of these reports done he will have to turn it into the prosicutors office to see it they are going to charge h2b.

The weekend, Sat h2b called out to go to work he leaves at 6 pm should be home early Sunday, doesn't make it home until 3am Monday morning. So I spent Easter alone my kids were at thier dads and my family all went camping but I had to work part of Easter day so I didn't go. Boys come home from dads all sugared up can't get the little one to sleep he finally crashes at 11:30 I am exhausted I've been up since 4am I lay down and crash I don't more than lay down and the dog starts so i deal with him until 12am finally sleep nope the phone rings it is h2b on his way home trying not to fall asleep needs help staying awake hand up with him at 2:15 phone rings again at 2:45 he hit 2 deer with my car it is drivable but pretty tore up. What a way to start the week!!! Hopefully it gets better I can't handle much more!!!

Crys

Comments

anonymous's picture

Your h2b shouldn't have hit your son in the mouth to begin with. It's really difficult dealing with step kids, but when it comes to discipline he was really out of line. Other methods could have been used like sending him to his room which the kid wouldn't have liked either way. You probably are aware of this but it needed meantioning. I am a step mum and in no way would I discipline my husbands kids. They already hate me because I am the wicked step mum. Anything that gets in the way of their mother and father's union can't be good! You don't know what gets put into their heads while theyre at your ex's. I hope it all goes well for h2b. But I wouldn't want a guy around that beats on my kids. NO matter what the reason. Youre not married to the guy, he may get worse later on. Maybe everything you went thru is a sign of the things to come, take heed!! I can hear the music from the twighlight zone....dododododo!

proud mom's picture

My h2b does not beat my kids in anyway it was a bad situation! I don't think it is your place to acuse him of beating him. It was in the morning getting ready for school and if it would have been me I would have done the same thing (yes even if it was his daughter) They are our children he is not the Dad but he helps provide for them and take care of them and being disrespectful is not going to happen in my house weather I am home or not.

septembers_child's picture

In my opinion her H2B certainly should have popped the kid in the mouth! I happen to have a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old step daughter and sending them to their room doesn't phase them.

In fact to punish the 15 year old we have to ground her out of her room for periods of time. I am sorry but sending a child to his room for spitting in an adults/parents face is not adequate punishment at all.

I have no issues with displining my step daughter. She lives with me and is in my care 24/7. Her mom is not in the picture at all. But regardless, I would not be willing to take that brand of disrespect from any child in my home, SK or BK.

Ask most cops or others who work in the criminal justice field, on their personal time, if they would have done the same thing and a vast majority of them would say "yep".

Cops know the difference between providing a child a well deserved smack and abuse also..This one will be throw out of court, in fact, it probably won't even make it past the prosecutor..

New Stepmom's picture

My mom or dad would have done the same thing to me growing up if I had spit in one of their faces. I would have gotten popped so fast I wouldn't know what happened. Granted, I wouldn't do that to my skids, just because there are no telling what the repercussions would be from them or the BM, but if my own child did that to me, I wouldn't hesitate. Spitting in someone's face absolutely should not be tolerated. Whatever the case, just because he popped the kid doesn't mean he is a child abuser - it was probably a knee-jerk reaction.

proud mom's picture

it was a knee-jerk reaction. Normally under different circumstances he would not have hit him either because of the repercussions we are now facing.

septembers_child's picture

Yepper, as a kid growing up, I wouldn't have considered spitting in anyones face, especially an adult and an authority figure or I would have been picking my lips up off the floor! Their is a huge difference between abuse and a firm pop in my opinion. Frankly, I think that the reason that kids are so out of control these days is because governments involvement in parental discipline.

Had one of my children spit in my husbands face. My husband would not have slapped them but when I got home from work I probably would have! And yep, I have popped my SD in the mouth when she decided to pop off and call me an "Fing B"! Tell you what, she won't say that again...

Giving a kid a well deserved fanny warming or pop up side the head is not abuse..

Little Jo's picture

I swear. Growing up I would have had my ass handed to me if I even thought about spitting at someone.

It it so flipping sad to think as an adult we have to take that kind of shit from a kid and if we stand up for ourself or try to pop one swing, It's abuse.?????

Case in point. My BF tried to disipline the girls. He talked, he took things away from them and yes a few times put his hands on them. The girls screamed abuse. DK lets them do what ever they want. Now look at these kids. A sexually active 16 year old drop out, a 14 year old sexually active smoker who is failing 8th grade for the 2nd time.

Someone, please tell me where the answer is.

Proud Mom, I am so sorry the police are involved. That's so sad.

stamina's picture

road where physical punishment is concerned. I didn't spit on my folks growing up nor did any of my kid or skids spit on me. However, I there isn't anything that they could do that would warrant my reciprocation of a slap and spit or anything. I would leave the situation until both could talk more rationally and we would discuss a suitable punishment with their parent, my DH. Sensitive subject but kids can turn out just fine without a smack, a wack or any of this nature.

septembers_child's picture

Stamina,

I see where your coming from...But then you havn't dealt with my step daughter either...LOL...I raise her, 24/7/365. Bio mom abandoned her 7 years ago, she hasn't heard so much as a boo from her in all this time. Hubby is a soldier in the ARMY and is deployed a lot so consulting either of her bio parents is not always feasible..

I must point out that I have never smacked her hard enough to really hurt her, just to stun her a bit. I wouldn't condone smaking a child hard enough to leave a mark, let alone a welt on them..But, no 10 year old, that I am doing the job of both her bio parents in rasing her, is gonna stand in my face, in front of my other children and call me an "Fing B"..

The way I see it if DH expects to be "consulted" before a mesure out disipline to his daughter then he needs to send her some where else and let someone else do him and bm's job for them.

I do see your point though..

stamina's picture

I know that I could not take on what you are doing and I commend you for that. Basically you are the only parent present in the home...what a responsibility! I know that I could not do this 24/7 because I would lose it! However, some counselling might help this child as she must feel kind of lost with both parents out of her life off and on. How about counselling for you too just to help with coping...that is a lot that you have to deal with!

he calls me mommy's picture

i was reading this and i just turned around and told my stepson that if he ever ever ever spit in my face i would slap him and then take him to the bedroom and spank him. my husband looked at me and said well you damn well better! and my stepson is such a nut. he tells me alright but dont slap me with your ring on k?

i take care of yours; respect me!

Anne 8102's picture

There's definitely a difference between discipline and abuse. This was a heat of the moment thing, but I would've popped my child on the cheek in a heartbeat, heat of the moment or not, for spitting in my face.

My son is 9 and maturing more and more every second, but he went through a stage recently that was just downright awful. He had discovered the art of "talking back" and had developed quite a talent for it. When he was 8, it was at it's worst and he was getting to the point where no one wanted to be around him because of his mouth. I'd asked him to do something one day and he started spouting off to me. Well, I'd had enough. I popped him on the cheek. Not hard, but hard enough that it certainly got his attention. I haven't had a problem with his mouth sense. It's not about the physicality of the punishment or hurting the child, it's about grabbing their attention quickly in a major way when they've done something over-the-top. A child that age (6, I think) and who has an attention problem isn't going to sit still and listen to a long lecture about disrespecting parents and even if he did listen to it, he'd forget about it ten minutes later. But I'd bet dollars to donuts that he'll remember getting popped on the cheek!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)