I do agree with cocco, you could drive yourself crazy. But I'm sure there are many here that would say they never expected to deal with the situations they find themselves in today. However, I do think there are some things that can be avoided. Have you discussed finances, wills, what if one of your parents becomes ill & has to live with you. I don't know your personal situation, but things like how are you going to spend your holidays (his family vs. yours), what about college, who is going to pay if these aren't his kids & your EX renigs on his responsibility? I think the big issues of $$$, kids & discipline, household responsibilities, do you want another child definitely need to be discussed. These are very tangible issues that can be addressed up front. Perhaps pre-marital couples counseling would help. If your BF is accepting responsibility for your children, perhaps discussing some of the issues "we" have/are dealing with, as posted on this board would help you to "get on the same page" and not experience some of the challenges we have... Is his definition of a step-father the same as your expectation of him? How does your EX fit into this picture? I think these are questions we wish we had all asked & addressed up front.

But that doesn't necessarily mean they will change for the worse.

You can take any "normal" couple just starting out without the baggage of ex-spouses, stepkids and job stress and I can promise you that they will experience just as many ups and downs as us stepfamilies do. It's not better, it's not worse, it's just different. Change is a part of life... every life.

You don't fall out of love, necessarily, but it does change over time. Your definition of love changes from not being able to be apart for longer than a potty break to not wanting to even be in the same room with him when he's gassy. Love isn't always sunshine and roses. Sometimes love is belches, farts, ball scratching, irate ex-wives, job stress, money fights, saggy boobs from YEARS of breastfeeding, forgotten anniversaries, bad birthday gifts and buttinsky in-laws. It changes, but those changes can be good. Yes, that gaa-gaa feeling is fabulous, but who wants to go through that gut-wrenching high school is-he-going-to-ask-me-to-the-prom feeling when we're in our thirties and beyond? Not me.

I love remembering the early days of my relationship with my husband. There are times when that seems sooooo much better than what we have today. It was certainly more fun. But then I think about everything we've been through to get to this point. Most of the time, I don't wonder if it's been worth it, because I know it has, and I wouldn't trade what we have today for what we had back then.

If you love each other, then you can make it work. If you're not 100% sure, then you can wait until you are 100% sure. Or maybe we can never be 100% sure... maybe it's about taking a leap of faith and then making the best you can of what you've got. Poll any married couple in the world if their marriage turned out like they expected. Most will say no. But just because it isn't what you thought you wanted, doesn't mean you can't want and treasure what you have.

Sometimes looking into the future gets pretty scary, especially when you have a lot of uncertainty and other people are pulling your strings. It helps me a lot when I get overwhelmed to just look as far as I can handle looking at today.

The game of life is kind of like the lottery... you can't win if you don't play!

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

I've been married 3xs and each time I questioned the what if. To this day I still question what ifs in relationship and other areas of life BUT if nothing else in life I have learned that worrying about the what ifs prevents a lot of good things from happening. Jump in, enjoy what you have and know that you lived without it before and if necessary you can again...it wouldn't be what you are looking forward to, and it sure as hell wouldn't be easy but if your strong enough to love a man and be a stepmom your strong enough to weather what ifs in life.
Lisa Dawn

Things only change if you both let them. That piece of paper is just that. A piece of paper... Things will change but only for the good if you go into this with the full understanding that no matter how hard or bad things may get there is light at the end of the tunnel. And also tell or remind yourself that you do not want to let it end. YOu will work hard at this marriage. Communication is huge, and if you can communicate always you will be ok.. (boy do i need to take my own advice). Yep.. I know that..
remember always why you fell in love, remember why you got married. And remember that you two made a commitment to be one, and work as a team together on one. Remember that nothing in life is easy, if it were we would all be millionaires and have fake boobs.. LOL about the boob part.. Remember when he is down you are suppose to lift him up, and when you are down he is suppose to lift you up. As a married couple you are suppose to bring the good out of each other not the bad. There are plenty of others who can do that. Try to remember that his child is a product of him and try to leave BM out of it, hard to do I know.. Also set boundaries first and let them both know what you expect out of them and let them tell you what they expect from you as wife and SM.

I hope we all have helped you here.
Its ok to be scared, none of us wanted or wants to get married to have it fail. But it cannot fail if you choose to work hard and work together on the same team.
hugs and luck from :
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..