You are here

Well it Happened

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

First I would like to say, you'd be proud of me. I did ZERO snooping, my sister was the one that came to me with information.

Last week the X was trying to cinvince me to come over for a hookup. Obviously I turned it down. TOld him absolutely not and I'm not a hookup person.

So my sister calls yesterday, tells me to sit down.  X has made a new Fakebook and has a new victum... er... girlfriend.

Anyways, for soe reason it all hurt a LOT more than I was anticipating.  I think it was a combination of him being the douche and feeling he should spend at least some time mourning the loss. And the other part just feeling super replaceable. And the other being that I'm just super pissed off that he was trying ANYTHING with me when apparently he's dating some new b****, that for all I know he was talking to before we even split, because it seems his style.

Regardless, I had a giant flood of emotions. And did not process it awesome. SO I booked an emergency therapy session that I had this morning. It helped. She thinks I'm experiencing a lot becuase I was actually attatched.  BUt she reminded me that we expected this, and I said so myself.  Especially sinc ehe seems to lack attachment to anyone and just want the next doting woman on his side.

It also hurts because I miss SD6 and SD11, and I admit there is some jealousy that they'll have another woman in their lives when I don't get to be there anymore.

So flood of emotion. My therapist is keeping me grounded. It's just a sucky day.

The emotions are this weird eb and flow.  On Sunday I found a crow hanging in the brambles from his leg, I legit started crying because I couldnt' get to him... (I made roomie get shears and we cut around the brambles and rescued him.  He's doing great and at a wildlife rehab center, they don't think he'll get use of his right foot again, but the rest should heal up nicely)

So I guess I'm kind of a mess right now.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Ugh, sorry.  Just the fact that he was trying to hook up with you while dating someone else tells you everything you need to know.

Grieving the end of a marriage is important.

Good for you for rescuing that crow - I once rescued a bunny that got hit by a car and took it to the vet. I'm sure it died, but I did my best. That's all we can do, always.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I agree, it just reminded me what was toxic, it just also sucked.

The grief part is rough, it's almost like a mini midlife crisis going on.

Poor bunny Sad But I'm glad he had someone looking out for him.  I used to rescue birds that were attacked by cats in the neighborhood. Animals are largely innocent beingings, they deserve to be looked out for.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

You are due some good karma for looking after Mr Crow

hereiam's picture

Tell your sister that going forward, you really don't need any tidbits of info on who or what your ex is doing.

justmakingthebest's picture

What a douche. He probably was dating that woman while still asking to hook up with you. Not that you should reach out in anyway to this woman, but don't be surprised if she doesn't find you one day asking what "really" happened. She is being duped just like you were and those poor girls are the biggest victims of all of this! 

I am so glad you met with the therapist. I would also tell your sister and friends and family ALL that you don't want to know. If you see something, don't say anything. You are trying to move on and him being brought up is just hurting you more. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm absolutely sure he was. That was only a week ago.  So he def was. Or at the very least talking to her. SO.  Bring back the liklihood that he was doing similar during our entire relationship.

I feel awful for the girls. My biggest wish would be that I could magically make it all better for them and take them away.

ITB2012's picture

I think you're mourning what you had imagined you would have, and now it's clear that was not gonna happen. Maybe changed your sadness to pity.

You can think to yourself: I'm sad for me but I don't pity myself. I pity him and his inability to have a healthy relationship. I pity the new woman who has no idea what she's in for. I pity the girls because they don't deserve a dad like that or the disruption of multiple women coming in and out of their lives. I am sad for them all because I feel pity for that situation and pitied myself when I was in it. But I'm not in it anymore (thank goodness) and now I have new hope, I will be fine, and I can be happy.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I would agree on that.  I always told everyone I was a "one and done" person.  That I had picked carefully and was putting everything into X.  SO I'm probably mourning the loss of what I saw as my ideal too.

The new girl is a victim herself.

ndc's picture

((((HUGS)))) to you, PA!  Please rest assured that any decent human being would be mourning your loss big time, and a good, giving person such as yourself would not be easy to get over.

The fact that your asshole ex is dating his next victim (and trying to get you to hook up) says nothing about you and everything about him. He's a selfish user. OF COURSE he has a new girlfriend, because he NEEDS one to parent his kids, clean his house, cook his meals and ease his financial burdens, among other things.

Stick with therapy and take care of yourself. You deserve better - much, much better - than your ex.  I hope this is all far in your rear view mirror as soon as possible.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

THank you ndc Smile I really appreciate that.

It is completely selfish, and I agree, he believe he NEEDS someone else.

One day, for now I really have to heal alone.  I don't believe that I should welcome someone in until I feel ready and have gotten to a point of healing where my past isn't going to sabatage and hurt them as well!

Livingoutloud's picture

Longer you continue seeing exSkids and be friends with exMIL longer it would take you to move on. You'll be running into your ex when you go see skids. And you'll be finding stuff about him and dwell 

you two had no children together. In divorces like this there is zero reason to hang out with family and keep those ties with your ex. Zero reason. 

You also need to block him. He is able to ask you for a hook up because you continue being in contact. There is zero need to maintain contact with this person 

Felicity0224's picture

I'm sorry, that IS sucky and it's understandable that you'd feel hurt. Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing this the healthy way. Being single for a while, going to therapy, and taking the time to fully heal and process the lessons you've learned. YOU are growing! And growth can be painful sometimes, but in the end it will lead to you being more fulfilled. HE is just repeating old patterns and will continue to have the same results over and over because he is stagnant.