As my children make the countdown to Christmas morning with each new day, I make a countdown too. But mine is how many days I have to wait until I meet with my attorney. I have an appointment in early January, shortly after the first. I'm resolved to end this insanity with the emotional fuck currently known as my husband. The wave of happiness that washes over me every time I think about how I will NEVER have to deal with twat waffle bm, hear her name, see her face again makes me almost giddy. I have to stifle the emotion. Everyone will win. I will not have to deal with any of them ever again! Horse-face bm will find a way to reconcile with dh "for the sake of their son", MIL and FIL will get to have "their daughter back". And I'll get to be the lead in my own story again, instead of a bit actor.

There is an uneasy peace in our home currently. I'm pretty sure dh knows the jig is up, but he's too terrified to confirm it. I only wish that I could've reached this decision before the holidays. It seems to detract from some of the joy that a 'drama free' holiday could bring.

I know my limits. I hit it. I got sick and freaking tired of coming in way down the line. And the cock juggling thunder cunt bm was never going to stop. I had to make a decision. And I am not capable of turning the other cheek all the time. It's not in my nature. When you target me, I will retaliate. It will keep escalating, like the arms race, until I win or die. And then, in what alcoholics refer to as 'a moment of clarity', it hit me... I don't have to live like this. So I'm walking away. I care about dh, I do. But this whole situation has just become too much to endure. And I'm happy with my choice. Thank you everyone who has allowed me to vent and shown solidarity in my plight. I appreciate you all and wish you all the happiness in the world. Step-life just wasn't for me...