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Disengaging from dh now...

princessmofo's picture

So I tried, yet again, in vain to talk to dh about some of the money issues I feel have become a large problem. And of course he went on the defensive which is in the "standard dh playbook". It went a little something like this, "Dh we need to find a solution to this money crisis. The lawyer said this IS going to get exspensive and I don't want to run thru the little money we have saved. I think it's time to rethink selling some of those exspensive toys (4wheelers) that you have to help pay for this." - Princess Mofo. Well the proverbial shit then proceeded to hit the fan. He started with his passive-agressive two-step about how my kids bio-dad is a deadbeat (duh, no surprise) and DH does Everything for my kids (not true, nights I work my parents watch them not dh) and how he treats them like they are his own (again, not true reeking favoritism). And I don't recognize that. Once he completed that dance he moved onto the guilty mambo number. That involves shock and awe. He has to find the nastiest things to say and make me shut down and stop the fight. It goes like this, "Princess Mofo, you and your piece of shit exh deserve each other. All you think about is money. I never had money and it's not a priority to me (yes, because you are content to spend mine on bs). I never do xyz for myself (yeah, right look at your designer closet). It's OUR money and I am going to use it to get my son back! I can't help that I have a $600 a month truck payment (you can't?)! I pay the mortgage around here (again, emphatically UNTRUE). So as our dance winds down we end the evening with the douchebag waltz. It's a lovely slow number that truly displays the vile and degrading personality traits of dh. I told him that our tax return did not mean we could just spend it on whatever. If he want's to put his half towards the lawyer (which I already have paid $1000 towards) that's his call. But at $200 an hour it will get costly and when his half runs out I don't know what to tell ya. He then tells me he'll remember that and when it comes to my kids we will only be spending $$$$ the same half on a lawyer for them should their bio-dad ever take me to court. Well then, steppers...

I proceeded to exit the room. I closed myself in the den and watched tv with a glass of red wine. I knew at that moment, we were over. I cannot tolerate it any longer. When I went to bed I put a pillow in the middle to seperate dh and myself. He attempted to kiss me on his way out the bedroom this morning to which I rolled over and covered my face. I don't want this man sharing air with me, let alone touching me. So I am disengaging from dh. I'd like to thank you all (Lynn123 I know you hear me). For awhile there I forgot who I was. I remember now. And nobody treats Princess Mofo like this. My stregth has returned and I am prepared to see this thru to the bitter end and regain MY life. Goodbye, dh. You had your chance.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

It's OUR money and I am going to use it to get my son back! I can't help that I have a $600 a month truck payment :jawdrop:
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Damn girl. Will he go to some type of therapy? I try not to push married people to divorce but dang he is a spoilt ass brat. Glad you are getting stronger!!

princessmofo's picture

Thanks, ladies. He's so incredibly manipulative. I am beginning to think that maybe BM left him for a reason. Perhaps she wasn't entirely the problem in the marriage.

princessmofo's picture

Lavender, they could be twins. I too drive a much older car that is paid for. And if I dare mention selling the "toys" all hell breaks loose. He's a douche.

checkedoutsm's picture

Princess, I know what you are feeling. DH over spends every month. He just bought a motorcycle on credit without telling me. He takes out loans on our 401k to buy crap for the kids. I know I have no say and no control over big purchases and our budget. I guess to my husband I am just not an equal partner in our marriage.

oldone's picture

Best thing I ever did was give DH no access to my money. He does have a charge card - but I dole out the cash. He charged something for SS once a year ago and I had a fit. He did it again recently and SS was supposed to pay me back.

It's only $25 but it is the principle of the thing. I don't want 25 cents of MY money going to the crotch dropping.

fedup13's picture

Money has always been a huge source of trouble for us as well. My husband has no concept of money, that there is only a certain amount each month, that we have priorities, he is like a little kid. When he wants something he buys it and it doesn't matter what kind of a bind it puts us in. I have taken away his debit card, which helps, but then it causes other problems because he resents me for treating him like a child and doling out money to him. I could not even begin to tell you how many times he has caused us to be overdrawn. He sounds very much like your DH, this sense of entitlement, and the passive aggressive manipulation. I worry about money nonstop. Not because I am greedy, but because there never seems to be enough no matter how much I try to budget.

princessmofo's picture

That is Exactly how I feel. There never seems to be enough no matter how hard I budget because dh will not stick to it. Last year my folks gave me a $100 prepaid gift card to get my boys back to school clothes and shoes. You know what happened? Dh whined about what poc ss needed and used it to buy him a $75 pair of shoes (and he's 6) and gave it back to me saying well there's still $25 on it for you to get your boys shoes. Srsly?! WTF!!

fightingforpeeace's picture

that really sucks that you had to go through that. 

that you had to experience the reactions of those that cannot or will not gain and maintain their own responsibilities, but instead pour all that anger they hold inside... due to not attending properly to their own responsibilities... right onto you. it is painful, it is rejection and vile and cruel and narcissistic in behavior and it is damaging to everyone around them. 

I am glad you have the strength to move forward for the self now. the silver linings shall be brighter for you now.