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The Birthday Blues. . .

princessmofo's picture

So Step-talkers posting a question to you all. When it is one of your bio's birthdays does your stepchild get a gift too? Apparently, in our home that's what happens. I sure wish I had two of everything, like my ss does. Two Wiis, two bikes, two tablets, etc. That's what happened this weekend. I should've known dh had something up his skeevy sleeve when he asked to go shopping with me for bio-son on Friday. He knew I was buying bio a bike. So we get in the store and he lays on the guilt. "SS needs a new bike, the one he has is too small at our house, it's only fair." Really?! He's here only half the time!! He has a bike at his mom's! Ask to borrow it for f*ck's sake. Are you and evil stink wagon bm really so f*cking petty you can't share a bike for your child?! My bios have NO one but me and my parents. That's it. There is no Child Support Fairy who visits the first of every month and deposits a magical amount of $$$ in my account like horseface. So I bought my son a bike for his birthday. . . and one for ss too. And ss did not even thank me. So when I asked dh about it his reply, "Well he thanked me." You are an asshat, sir. He needed to thank me since I bought it with my freaking money, on my credit card. Clearly dh's douchebaggery knows no bounds. Oh, and to top it all off when we went to pick ss up for the birthday outing with my bios at bm's house, she handed dh a card for my bio. The card was from dh's traitorous mother!! She couldn't mail it? She had to give to horseface bitch devil cunt. Which is, once again, living proof that their relationship is strong as ever. This entire situation is just mind boggling. I wish I could freeze a part of my day and look at it later and say, "this is not my life".


SMof2Girls's picture

If DH wants to buy gifts for his kid, let him. Let HIM. No reason you should have to foot the bill for excess for HIS kid .. especially if you get no appreciation/acknowledgement for it.

As for sharing bikes, I can't imagine ever doing something like that with our BM. Not only would she refuse, but we'd get a lecture about budgeting and proper financial planning so we can afford the finer things in life :sick:

princessmofo's picture

As I stated, ss has a bike at our house. It's just not "brand" new. He will eventually outgrow it, but it easily could've carried him through the summer. Dh simply has to make EVERYTHING about ss. He didn't want him "left out" because it was My bio's bday.

princessmofo's picture

Thanks, Red. I was second guessing my rage for a moment... Glad you helped put it in perspective.

RedWingsFan's picture

I remember once my mother telling my brother about birthdays. See, he's 4 yrs younger than me. My bday is in Sept, his in Nov. So, when I was celebrating my bday, he had to wait two more months before his. He always wanted a present too. Mom said "this is HER day. You have your OWN day. Be patient and wait for YOUR turn". That was all. No tears, no begging, no bullshit. It was simply, this is NOT your day, wait for YOUR day...

Nowadays kids get gifts for taking a shit on their own!

PeanutandSons's picture

TThat's exactly that I tell bs4....well, what I told him when he was two and three....this year he didn't even need a reminder and was happy for his siblings birthdays.

No tears, no jealousy, no pouting....if BS could handle it at 2 I find it so ridiculous that sd10 still gets pouty at the other siblings birthdays. Her signature move is to fake sick/hurt or to fake an asthma attack on o get the attention on her. That or to randomly start crying about her mom.

RedWingsFan's picture

^^Yep - not a difficult concept. Kids have to learn that it's not their turn EVERY TIME!

luchay's picture

"Her signature move is to fake sick/hurt or to fake an asthma attack on o get the attention on her. That or to randomly start crying about her mom."

OMG - that is my SD12 to a tee. If her ridiculous pleas for attention by illness, hurt whatevers etc don't get everyone focussed on HER we get the tears because she missed her mummmmeeeeee - your nearly 13yo, FFS grow up!

PeanutandSons's picture

Nope. I put my foot down about that early on. It kills dh to watch our son open gifts and the skids not get anything, but that's life. Funny how it doesn't bother him with its our son watching the skids open stuff on their birthday... That's totally fine.... But not the other way.

Dh usually finds some excuse as to why the skids NeED something right after bs's birthday. This year it was jeans and socks. Cause people really need new jeans in May, in Florida. So the day after BSs 4th birthday he had to follow the skids around as dh bought them clothes. Got nothing for BS of coarse, but at least my son isn't growing up to be entitled and with the need to be the center of attention.

princessmofo's picture

:jawdrop: I agree. Jeans? In May? In Florida? Yes, I'd like to think I am raising better human beings this way, Peanut.

FirstLady's picture

I live in a world with 2 BM's. BM1 had the nerve to call and complain about a big ticket item that was purchased for SS4. "SD doesn't have one", those words actually came out of her mouth. Like a child! If you want her to have one you and your husband can purchase one.

Who says all of the children have to have the same things. SM certainly should not have to foot the bill. I don't even think they need 2 of everything (one at each house)unless it's absolutely necessary. Birthdays should definitely NOT be shared. That's a special day for THAT child only!

princessmofo's picture

Mad at the guilt trip. Dh racks up frequent flyer miles he takes me on so many regarding ss. And I didn't want a big blow-up and be on people of Wal-Mart when I put my foot down in the store. It's classic dh, Willow. He always does this in public because he gets his way then. I needed to vent.

Willow2010's picture

Your DH is an ass.

You are going to HAVE to stand up for your self, your kids, your beliefs.

Maybe counseling would help you in this area. It could give you the backbone to tell DH grow up and it is NOT always about HIS kid.

bulletproof's picture

My DH pulled this bullshit last year. And karma bit him in the ass VERY hard (and then I rubbed it in).

He had already given me part of my gift, but wanted to get something for me "from SS and him." We had met for dinner (all 3 of us) and DH told me he had to stop at the shoe store with SS on the way home (we drove separately) because he needed tennis shoes. I questioned this because BM told me she was going to get him some a few weeks prior and she never goes back on stuff like that. SS was quick to badmouth BM and say "she forgot." I tried to tell DH not to do it, but he did anyway.

They got home, and the gift from SS and DH was a pair of running shoes for me. SS didn't give two shits about them, he was too busy bragging about his new shoes that DH got at the same time as they bought mine. I was furious. I sent SS upstairs to play and laid into my DH.

Those shoes weren't worn for weeks. SS wore his old shoes. About three weeks later, he came home in new-looking tennis shoes. I asked where he got them, and he said "My mom bought them for me." I asked when and he looked like he was going to throw up. I asked again and he told me he got them the week before my birthday. I told him to go upstairs and get his shoes and his father. They both came down, I made SS tell DH that he lied to him to get an extra pair of shoes, and then I made SS give me the shoes and he never saw them again. I sold them at our next garage sale.

If my husband does it again, I will castrate him and sell the sperm from his balls. Seriously.

This should NEVER EVER happen. I just posted about Father's Day because I'm pregnant now and wanted pointers and was advised to consider that SS will feel out of place because of the baby. Guess what? That's fucking life. These kids are not the center of the universe, no matter what their bio parents may do to make it seem otherwise.

MommaSaSa's picture

That is so frickin' RIDICULOUS. Especially since it was your money! You should tell your SS he needs to tell YOU thank you. When I took over raising my skids from my DH and his mother, my 3 year old SD was so self absorbed from my MIL constantly doting on her, dressing her up and buying her things. She didn't do this for my SS, so my SD thought the world revolved around her. IIII have set her straight. Me! I tell her to give her brothers their moments and that everything isn't always about her. She resisted at first, but is a better human being because of it!!! You just gotta stand your ground. Don't freak out and fight. Disagree smarter than fight harder.

princessmofo's picture


Shook's picture

Mofo, your DH is donkey for thinking this will help his son become a man one day. And for SS thanking him & not you???? That makes him an even bigger donkey.

Shaman29's picture

I never could understand that kind of thinking. I never received gifts at birthday parties for my brother or sisters. They got the gifts. When we went to my cousins' parties, they got the gifts. Not me.

This entitled if the bio gets one, then the skid gets one thinking is so ass-backwards.

This kind of thinking is makes me extremely cranky and stabby.

misSTEP's picture

Is it assembled yet? Can you return it??

No need to fall for the guilt trips. This is just as much about training your husband as it is training the skids!'s picture

This is bullshit, My SD's don't even come around my my bio's birthday. My bio get's ignored by them and when it's their birthday it's a whole nother story. Sickening

This is different but it's got me on one today. I got home Sunday and since FDH gave SD15 a key her and her boyfriend were there and I was PiSSED- theres no reason they need to be there alone or can't tell someone they are stopping by she said she was "looking for her shoe" FDH refuses to tell her she can't come over when no one is home bc they already have a rocky relationship and he doesn't want to make her feel unwelcome.........

ANYWAYS SD15stb16 says to me " ya know what you can get my for my birthday? A pair of sperry's...I want some so bad" :jawdrop:

How f'ing rude

I didn't say one word- I couldn't because I would have had volcanic diarrhea of the mouth and I wouldn't have stopped. I completely ignored her. She has been beyond AWFUL to me for the past year and uninvited me to her birthday dinner last year- uses me for a scapegoat and is a greedy little fucking bitch and she is so delusional to think *I* am buying her a gift???!!!!

HA!!!! She's gonna be disappointed! I'm not buying that bitch shit. :sick:

Rant over- sorry I needed to get that out and this post made me think of it!! Wink

stepsonhatesme's picture

Well, when ss birthday rolls aaround does your son get gifts too from Dh? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.
p.s make your dh pay for it out of his own money!!

but no ss should NOT be getting something/anything on your bs bday

Drac0's picture

Your DH and my DW must be sharing the same brain. Whenever one of my bios birthdays comes around DW must do something "special" for SS too even though SS won't be attending since he is usually with his Dad. I just don't get it. The kid has two of everything already; two cell phones, two gaming consoles (and two copies of the same video game to boot!), two bikes, etc. I really, REALLY would like to understand this unexplanable urge to somehow cater to the child who is A) not *HIS* birthday to begin with and Dirol Won't even be here for the birthday celebrations!

This bugs me so much. I can't feel sorry for any kid who doubles up on all holidays and birthdays like my SS does. So when DW tells me to remember to put aside a piece of birthday cake for SS, I *suddenly* get hit with memory lapse.

princessmofo's picture

I am so glad, Drac0 from a guy's perspective, that you see the lunacy in this. Bless you kind, sir. Smile

Bojangles's picture

How sad that he completely undermined the specialness of your sons birthday gift by buying exactly the same thing for the child who didn't have a birthday. Totally crazy and stupid.