Apparently my love has limitiations when it comes to dh....
Which is why I filed for divorce yesterday. Dh has until the 5th of July to vacate my home. The truth of the matter is my love didn't come so much with limitations as much as it came with expectations.
I, foolishly, expected a partner. Someone to share the load with, which is what I was promised repeatedly. But over the years I have been reduced to the same servant/maid I was in my first marriage. Only now, I'm working a full time job as well.
During my first marriage I carried the burden of most of the homecare, as I only worked part-time. So, after that divorce, I was accustomed to doing everything on my own and had become quite adapt at it. Enter my now dh. He sold me a false bill of goods. He repeatedly made promises about sharing the load. I would never have to face things alone again. He would be a rock I could depend on.
I grow weary of the phrase, "you've changed" being echoed repeatedly. Yes, I have changed. I've adapted to the lifestyle you presented me with. I found out how ineffectual you truly are. You have dropped the ball on countless little things over and over again. And when I attempt to convey my grievances and concerns, I am emotionally starved by you and gaslighted. I will not be emotionally blackmailed and made to feel guilty for your shortcomings one minute longer.
This divorce has less to do with my step-situation and more to do with dh. My ss is an ok kid for the most part. We have a decent relationship. And I wish him well as he will need it. I pity that child for having to deal with two adults who are toxic and self-centered.
Dh has created an abyss of resentment inside me. The thought of him makes bile rise in my throat. It isn't hate, it's out right resentment. The kind that festers and poisons you over time. Perhaps he isn't the only one to blame, though. I guess I allowed myself to be used. I didn't think I was. But by the time I caught on, it was too late.
So in closing, I wish you all a fond farewell. I will continue to lurk and check-in but alas, I feel as I no longer belong to the "tribe" if you will. Many blessings be upon you all and thank you for giving me a safe and accepting place to vent.