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princessandthepee's Blog

Please Pay In Advance

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I'm done. I feel bad for my kids, my husband. If I am with my husband, the dynamics of dealing with his children will kill the most precious thing, the innocense of my children. If I am not with him, we will both whither and die in the most important ways.
I'm lost. My husband is lost. We have realized that it is not workable to have princess and the pee in the same home as me and my sons.
My guts feel like a wide open scream, it hurts so much.

"Buddy's dead."

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I was getting ready when my husband reported this to me. After sabotaging pee's birthday last weekend and leaving without saying goodbye to anyone (she actually snuck out and drove off in her fully paid for truck, which people had to figure out later), princess hasn't been here. Which allowed for a relatively peaceful week.

S.O.S. pads

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Look out, I'm into the S.O.S. pads today, scrubbing things up. The jig is almost up, my husband walked into the room while I was at the computer and he asked me why I was smiling. Ok, the fact that I was smiling and it was noteworthy is not a good sign, I know. He's a genius, and will very soon figure out my dirty little secret - Step Talk.

Hi, My Name is Peggy

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Any of you viewed those credit card commercials with the Russian, Yugoslavian guy, whatever, dealing with frustrated American women? I want to be Peggy. Peggy doesn't give a rip, Peggy wears super awful brightly colored hand knit gross sweaters. Peggy gets to work while tangling himself in phone lines and sitting upside down under a desk. Peggy gets to create perfect circular un-accountanted for reasons for dischord. I want to be Peggy.

"I Love Seeing My Bones!"

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Princess and I have some fundamental differences. I really don't like seeing my insides, at least not physically, which is in part why I did in fact have the pleasure of reacquainting myself with the local ER staff because of my pesky ulcers (You should take better care of yourself, stop drinking Diet Coke, get more sleep ....). I didn't go in for the follow up endoscopy after the last episode, which I should have. But I didn't. I really don't like seeing my insides.

Skid Marks

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Okay, so here's what I told myself this morning: I've been immersed in my own negativity, my husband said to me for the first time last night that he had nothing more to say to me. I interpreted that as there must be something pretty wrong with how I've been approaching things, as he is a very reasonable, calm and accessible man. Ugh, my head hurts writing this.

Apples and Oranges

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I have to first thank all of you women for your helpful comments and the support they have given me. So maybe I'm not crazy (and maybe I am!) for feeling the miriad of emotions I do about this situation. I've been a therapist for twenty years and heard about this stuff, but never, ever got it, which I didn't realize and probably still don't realize the extent to which I didn't get it. Being a trusted confidant who can share observations and ask what are hopefully thought provoking and constructive questions is so wholly different than living it every moment of one's life.

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