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Safe to be My Edgy Self

princessandthepee's picture

We had a few hours peace. Those occurred while he was out of the house and my sons are with their dad. They occurred while he was at pee's wrestling meet and princess had a good and well understanding of her order to stay away from me. I am done with all of this.
There was a period of time when my husband got back from the wrestling meet and I had changed into nice pjs and changed the sheets, made the room nice. There was hours of clinic work to do, granted. But there was co-existence and communication. But there came a point when the clinic work was done and he had deflected my insight into the insidious communications from his kids wanting one thing, guess what: money. First for fast food, then pee wanted his social security number, then somewhere in the house they found money. Probably my sons' room. Before the divorce, before all this, I had European trips and education planned for my sons. Sometimes I think the way my own sons throw coins back and forth is a signal of their anger over all they have lost. They treat money as if it is nothing, and I have taken all of it away, not only because it will be stolen (my fears) but because they do not understand it. This was after the divorce and my ex exuded and continues to do so all of his energy at taking every penny from me he can. Guess it's a night for the pain to emerge. Usually the anger follows shortly, just need to change the music. It's my driver.
I had one night of peace. Then the onslaught. I told my husband my bottom line, that I will not raise my sons this way. I don''t care anymore about the house I fought for. I love him and will always be married to him, but I will not raise my sons this way. I told him I am going to look for apartments next week and he can visist us every other weekend. I am DONE.

Comments

icecubenow's picture

Your edge is soft tonight...the curt, damning edge seems to suit you better. One could almost feel the release, sense a sigh coming from your part of the world (wherever that is). Perhaps, that was when you were actually venting. Seems as if you've moved on to the calm of being DONE.

Princess isn't worthy of the trophy. She has not won here.

(((hugs))) to you for all you have endured in the recent days.

icecubenow's picture

A coiled snake appears calm....until its power is unleashed. Once the venom spews (or is injected), the snake has been released from its furor.

princessandthepee's picture

Well, let's see. princess turned on the waterworks this morning to her dad, saying how much she just wants all the 'family fighting' to stop. He told her it's up to her to make that happen. He told her she needs to grow up and stop being a negative factor in this house. He said it's on her to fix this and that the siutation could not be more serious for her. Later in the day princess decides she wants to clean out the fridge. Immediately I don't like this. My husband specifically told her and pee to put anything they questioned on the counter and to not throw it away and we would look at it. They agreed. They said they wanted to go grocery shopping. princess and pee must be running out of munchies. So I go down after the three of them left to go grocery shopping. All of the condiments are gone. You know how those add up, how you use them for cooking every day. All the salad dressings, barbque sauce, lemon juice, special jams and butters. Funny, their chocolate sauce was still in there. They are not on the counter, where could they be? So I check the garbage, nope. Oh, there they are, bagged up and dumped into the recycling bin, many of them emptied. Minor, minor point, but recyclables are supposed to be put in clean. Soy sauce all over the garage floor.
They never stop. He let them have it in the car because I texted this to him.
Will I move out? I really don't want to, I fought for this home, and as I've mentioned, my ex is vicious. But I'm also not going to raise my boys this way, 9 and 6.
So I thought, I'll continue to clean. I haul the vacum up from the basement. It's a pretty nice vacum. I had to take a metal tube to unclog it because one of those geniuses thought it would be good to vacum up cat shit and hay. Cat shit because pee hasn't changed the box down there even though he is reminded to every day. Hay because they track it in from coming back in after going out to smoke and throw butts on my patio. So I got to clean up cat shit before I was able to vacum.
An apartment is not looking so bad to me.