I DREAMED A DREAM
A Dream where-----
---BM has disappeared for at least last 5yrs (preferably hit by a MAC truck---so that all her drama would not have affected SD's and rest of family
----SD's understand all that DH and I have gone thu for them
----BS has clue as to all DH has done for him, even though not his BIO
----EX has a clue of how to be a father, rather than a friend\
----I am a 36/32/38 HOT BOD Mama with heads turning all the time
----Dr. Phil started all "advice" with the truth that he is not a counselor but a former CPA.
----All Judges saw thru BS of BM's and automatically filed contempt on them rather than other way around.
----there was World Peace
You?
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I'd settle for world peace,
I'd settle for world peace, because heck- then wouldn't that be the WHOLE world include my little speck?
"I'm in F#CK OFF Mode." ~ Stepmadness
So it's not just me that has
So it's not just me that has a problem with the court ignoring obvious things? I had a hearing where my not-quite-yet-ex requested spousal maintenance of $1500 per month. The judge asked her two questions - "Is all your paperwork correct?" (yes, she said) and "Are you working?" (no, she said). He then lets me explain why she doesn't deserve all that money. He reads papers while I'm talking and when I'm done says that he's calculated my monthly income based on my gross year-to-date (which includes me having to sell vacation days to pay for the divorce as well as a large bonus that I won't receive again) and that I have plenty of money to pay her to "raise your child". This on top of $600 in child support and me paying 74% of day care so she can go to school.
She has purposefully not worked since last January and has said many times how she plans to go to school and not look for a job so that I'll have to support her. Her financial declaration states that she needs $3300 after taxes to support her lifestyle (which includes $250 per month in gifts and birthdays among other outrageous things).
I'm spending half of my NET income on her. Did the judge care that bankruptcy is a real possibility? No, as he said: "Your finances are none of my concern." when I tried pleading with him after his decision.
He didn't tell her to get a job and didn't ask her why she wasn't working. Didn't ask her why she needed $250 per month to pay for gifts or why she needed $850 to get a bigger apartment when she had no job and was living in a $500 per month studio that was small but big enough. Didn't ask her if she was really a "full time mom" as she stated. She's not since I have my son nearly half the time and a Guardian ad Litem is assigned and I'm trying to become the primary custodian. Didn't ask her if she was getting welfare (she is but didn't list it on her financial declaration).
It was like a gut punch. He probably thought I was some deadbeat dad that didn't care about my son and just didn't want to pay his ex to "take care of him"
And she's still receiving welfare. I mean, I'm in a bad way financially because of her but I feel bad for women or others that are beaten or actually homeless or jobless and trying to find a job. Except nobody is hiring and they can't get welfare... all the while my ex has barely worked in her life and is living off of other people - and proud of it.
Ugh.
Do you know it's not legal
Do you know it's not legal for her to get spousal support plus welfare? You better point that out to the judge or go to welfare and let them know.
Part of my divorce with my ex-husband I only asked for 500.00 a month for both kids and nothing for me as god gave me two hands and a great brain to work with. We were married for 10 years and he left me for another woman. This past June when my daughter graduated from High School his wife handed me the child support check and said "enjoy it it's the last one you will ever see".
Now I married a man who has 3 kids full time and now he's not working and guess who has to pick up the tab, boy I really now how to pick them, I should have listened to my mother!
I sent a bunch of stuff to
I sent a bunch of stuff to the welfare office shortly after the court's decision. I paid for her to live at the house for 5 months (+utilities and such) and then paid for her to live in my temporary apartment (+utilities) for 6 months. I don't think she reported any of that. Nor any of the money she took when she emptied our checking account at the beginning. And she received TANF which I'm really sure she shouldn't have been eligible for if she told the truth. It's my fault in a way - I told her when she was going to be served with the divorce papers. The next morning she went out and got a protection order that had me kicked out of the house. And since I couldn't go to the house, I couldn't see my son for over two weeks. Her behavior was all downhill from there.
And that's another piece of bull. Her written reasons for getting a protection order? "I'm afraid he might hurt me." Literally, that's what it said. I'd never even raised my voice at her. And they granted it to her just like that.
WOW---can you appeal? When
WOW---can you appeal? When can you go back again? That is ridiculous!!! I feel for you---probably should have gotten a lawyer on that one.
I can't my son is 20 and my
I can't my son is 20 and my daughter will be turning 19 next month so nothing I can do anymore.
Gah. Deleted my post and
Gah. Deleted my post and messed it up.
Yup that's why I've always
Yup that's why I've always worked two jobs in order to make ends meet and I still do that now.
If this comment was for me
If this comment was for me then - yeah, I can try. I have a hearing with a judge (rather than a commissioner) to try and revise it. I'm walking in expecting them to keep it the same since I've come to realize things are stacked a little unfairly some times. However, the judge is a lady so maybe she can spot crazy women better? The commissioner was an old guy. Oh, and the judge is also the same one that will be hearing the final dissolution. Maybe she'll take that into consideration and think about what needs to be done to get my ex more self-sufficient. She can't get spousal maintenance forever.
And that's the only "good" news is that the divorce will be final in March and I've been told final spousal maintenance is always lower than temporary maintenance. And it was a short marriage any way.
I guess I'll see.
Well good luck with
Well good luck with everything and hopefully one day she'll come to realize what a good man she lost...
Seijin...all I can say is
Seijin...all I can say is wow... I feel so bad for you. And just think... in three years it starts all over again. Fun ay? When are judges going to wake up? YES there ARE deadbeat dads in the world, but WHY are the good ones punished for trying to do what's right? Ugh.. it makes me sick.
Keep your documentation... it's the only thing that MAY save you.