How to limit drama and spending if SD10 is getting a phone?
Longtime reader first time poster.
I have been with my husband for 4 years, married 2. I have a SD10 that I met when she was 6. I have never met BM and have no desire to because she is a snotty sneaky lying B that thinks she is better than us. Our situation is pretty low conflict because BM lives 3 hrs away and when she asks for extras my husband just says no. When we first got together my husband got SD every other weekend. But BM has gradually reduced it by ignoring his calls so that this past year he has only seen SD 4 times. This was because she was angry he was with me, even though she was with her affair partner since before I even met my husband. He talks to SD about once a week over the phone or facetime for maybe 1 or 2 minutes before SD finds some reason to get off the phone. SD wants nothing to do with him and treats him like he is poop on the bottom of her shoe (same attitude as BM). She barely responds to him on the phone and visitation is a chore which she will complain to BM about once she goes home. She says we are boring and has actually refused to see us because my husband won't take her on vacations and to resorts (this spoiled brat!). She has only been taking his calls this month because Christmas is coming and she wants stuff. Never once has she given my husband anything for a holiday, not even a handmade card. We make crafts and she will make some to take home give to her mom, not her dad who is right there! The love only goes one direction.
My husband has kind of given up due to the alienation and his stress level and the general peace in our lives has improved. He loves SD but they are estranged at this point. It's kind of an ideal situation for me. He sends CS but BM can't cause us drama. We only see SD once in a while and she pretends like I don't exist. She will seriously ask how my dog and cat are doing but not about me... whatever I'd rather be ignored than directly targeted.
So to my issue. We think SD is going to get a cell phone this year for Christmas. I'm a bit worried that this will disrupt our peace and cause conflict since he can talk to SD directly and try to schedule to see her and try to win back her love (i.e. spend money on her). BM is quite controlling so I expect SD will get her phone taken away if she talks to my husband too much or if he shows up to get a visit that BM ahs not apporved. I have a feeling SD is going to use the phone to request money and stuff from my husband. She is very much liek BM and likes to make my husband "chase her" for her affection and spend money to get her attention. SD wants nothing to do with us unless we are buying her things and she is a preteen that cares only about brands and status. The last time we had her the only time she smiled was when my husband swiped his card at abercrombie, I'm not even exaggerating.
I liked the peace we've had and I've liked that she never wanted to visit and was not really in our lives. I feel terrible saying it but I liked that she was out of sight and out of mind! With a cell phone she will be a daily presence in our lives and I worry my husband's expenses on her will go up. We dont have a ton of money and I pay more of our bills as it is. What should I do to limit the drama and spending if SD10 is getting a phone?