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DH is still an ass

PetStr's picture

I don't post blogs mainly because I write from my phone but today I need to vent. DH is a dumbass. He had 4 kids with a narcissistic whore who has 8 kids total and who cheated on him all the time with friends and family members alike. He ended up in jail because she accused him of abuse on her oldest DD. We met while he was fighting those charges, going to court, etc. Fast forward 4 years, we are married and 3 of the 4 skids live with us. BM gets them EOWE and does not provide any financial help whatsoever. I run a small business, DH drives a truck. The brunt of the bills(95%), I pay. I do all the shopping, most of the school stuff, etc... DH plays video games. I've been disengaging a lot lately, because all of this is taking a toll on me mentally and physically. My business has me working 16 hr days, 7 days/week and I cook and run errands and attend student/parent conferences, laptop pickup meetings for the 2 oldest, band practice, tutoring, etc, etc. I make him discipline more, he hates it. Would rather play his games and let me be the "bad guy" all of the time. I feel like I have 5 skids instead of 4, except that one of them is in his 30s and shaves.....
So this AM, after I've gotten all 3 skids up and off to school, fed all the furkids, and headed out to work, I call DH (he's already at work) to discuss an ongoing discipline issue with SS10 and to remind him that today is his parent/teachers conference. DH says he's not going, that he's sick and tired of me calling him to talk about the kids or about my stupid business/clients/work (his words, not mine) and that he's hanging up. I'm like WTF do you want me to talk about? Quantum physics? How about them Cowboys? Did you hear the joke about the rabbi, the priest and the reverend? I mean I sit there and listen to him go on and on about his coworkers, about his stupid video games, his computer he wants to build, his truck he wants to buy, blah blah blah.... HE might think my business is stupid, but right now my business is what's keeping a roof over his and his kids' heads and feeding them. As for his kids, if I can't talk about them to him, who the f*ck am I supposed to talk to????

Comments

askYOURdad's picture

I'm like WTF do you want me to talk about? Quantum physics? How about them Cowboys? Did you hear the joke about the rabbi, the priest and the reverend?

ahhahah that's too funny I'm steeling this next time DH doesn't want to talk about what I do...

That said... sending some hugs your way, you have every right to be frustrated!

overworkedmom's picture

What is with these guys and refusing to parent???? What do we have to do, beat them upside their heads to get it through their thick skulls that these kids aren't ours, they have to actually parent their spawn!

new to this's picture

OMG!! I would have went through that phone and knocked him out!! You need to disengage big time!!! I wouldn't talk to him about it anymore but i damn sure wouldn't lift a finger to do anything for him or his spawn!!!

misSTEP's picture

The only way your DH is going to STEP up and GROW up is if YOU step back and let HIM parent HIS children.

Quit doing so much.

bearcub25's picture

Why should he do anything? You are his new Mommy.

I'd take a little vacation away from his family and let him see how stressed you are and how easy he has it.

hereiam's picture

Just stop. Seriously, stop doing his job. Those kids are his responsibility, financially and otherwise. Why does he have custody? It does not sound like he is that interested in them or in being a parent. Maybe they should stay with BM.

He is a giant ass.

PetStr's picture

I have no bios. It was just me and my dogs when we met. I own my house so they moved in with me. His thinking is, you were paying it by yourself before we moved in, yeah, the mortgage is the same but the utilities have quadrupled, the food bill is $500 more a month and I didn't need the $$$$ internet to play Call of Duty. Worst part, BM won't help. She let SD12 wear pyjamas all summer long because she had outgrown her pants and BM said it wasn't up to her to buy anything. I hate that bitch but thats another blog in itself. DH just called to tell me he'll be at the teacher's conference. Great! Guess who won't be showing up?

Cocoa's picture

no, the worst thing is your dh not pulling his and his kids' weight. it's up to him to get bm to help support them, and he won't do it as long as YOU are doing it. I bet you didn't get married just to have your "partner" sponge off you, so why are you allowing this? and yes, he should be paying a portion of ALL the bills. if he figures you were paying the bills before he moved in, you can figure he was paying HIS bills before you moved too, can't you? so, why do your bills increase and his decrease? was the arrangement when he moved in to turn you into his sugar momma? I reckon not. i'm sure you probably wouldn't have agreed to this. somehow finances were not discussed and this is your end result. it's never too late to re-negotiate the terms of this "agreement". kick his ass honey. you need to find out what you are to him. does he want a true partner/companion to share a future with or a live in sugar momma/babysitter/atm/maid/nanny? time to get to the truth.

hereiam's picture

His thinking is, you were paying it by yourself before we moved in

This makes it sound a lot like you are just being used.

PetStr's picture

BM doesn't want them. She dumped all 4 skids on us 1 1/2 yrs ago when she got knocked up with baby #8 and was leaving her DH to be with her boss (presumably baby #8's dad). She eventually took back YSS9, because he was miserable at our house because we have rules, we do homework, bathe daily, eat healthy food, go to school and the jury is still out on whether he actually is DH's bio. She was cheating with his cousin when he was conceived. I'll post blog about BM aka Biobitch soon enough. I have to get back to my clients. I am however gonna tsje my pups out yo the dog park lster on. MY kids deserve some mommy time.

Delilah's picture

OP ofcourse its frustrating that BM is not paying her way financially for her children, but neither is your DH. Quite focusing so much on BM, and start figuring out how you are going to address the unhealthy relationship your DH has with you. Remember who you are married to - your DH, not BM.

I would take the advice from the other posters regarding DH and stop allowing him a free pass! As right now it appears none of the bio parents are actually parenting their children nor paying for them, why would they when they have you?!!

PetStr's picture

MJ, when we first met, he made $$$$ as an OTR driver and it was just the 2 of us but when BM dumped the kids on us there was no way I was raising them with him being OTR 3 weeks/month. He got a local job and makes 1/4 of what he used to coupled with the fact he pays for our Health insurance, there's not much left. Had I known (hindsight is 20/20) that he wouldn't step up, I'd have let CPS take the kids. BM abandoned them basically. He wasn't always an ass. Its been pretty much for the past year since he's had to chsmge his job/work schedule.

PetStr's picture

Sueu2 you can pass on commenting if you don't believe me. I've been here enough and commenting on others' threads for a while so you can just move on off my blog and go hang out with HRNYC.

PetStr's picture

Anyway, now moving on, time to borrow AskYOURdad's mantra. .. "I love my DH, but I am not a doormat"...