SM getting ignored at family events - Different perspectives
So I was reading a blog from a couple years ago (got there from the post history of one of today's new blogs). It's on a common topic - a new SM's relationship with her adult stepchildren and how much to expect. But a couple of the comments went off on a tangent and got me thinking. Blog is here:
A poster (It's Goodluck, someone I like a lot actually!) comments from the adult SK's point of view, about how a stepmother would sit there at family gatherings and not say a word, just with this "smirk" on her face:
"A friend of mine who I grew UP with, parents divorced when she was very young. Dad remarried and mom also remarried. Anyway Dads new wife was just awful to my friend and so where the new wifes mean step sisters. Frieds dadas new wife would attend family events and SIT there all dolled UP, not one single hair out of place. She NEVER ever say one single word. All she did was have this smirk of a pasted smile on her face for several hours.
Gosh that was over 30 years ago and to this day I can STILL see that smirk on her face as if she is sitting across from me.
My point is don't be like that ugly step mom and her ugly step sisters."
And another poster, TwoOfUs, another favorite of mine, responds:
"Weird that this woman was at her husband's family events and it was somehow totally on HER to initiate conversation...as the new person in the room. Maybe she was just waiting to see how long it would take for anyone from her husband's family to talk to her...and she was surprised and bemused to discover that it didn't ever happen. Sounds like your friend's dad came from a rude family."
Somebody else writes:
"100 dollars says his family tried and gave up."
And TwoOfUs responds:
"I'd take that bet. 100 bucks she sat there ignored for one too many get-togethers and she gave up.
My DH's family has been, for the most part, warm & welcoming to me...and I have reciprocated in kind. I feel very lucky, because I know many, many blended family situations where this isn't the case at all for the new SM.
When you're the new person in the room it's up to the hosts to make you feel included and welcomed. Everyone knows that."
Sorry I am not intending to single out any particular person for their old blogs or comments! I just was hoping to begin a spin-off conversation on this topic, of how new people especially stepmothers (and as in my case, stepmom's existing children) get treated by their DH's adult kids and other extended family.
Personally I had a very unpleasant experience earlier in my relationship with my DH. We went to his hometown for a wedding and stayed with his parents, who'd always been very nice to me and my daughter. One of DH's brothers and SIL were also there and OMG they were so rude to me and DD! We sat there on the couch being completely ignored. I'm sure I probably had a "smirk" on my face too. It was mostly in an attempt to keep from crying or looking angry or making a scene!
Does anyone else have any thoughts on this topic of inclusion and etiquette?