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in utter shock....didnt/dont even know how to respond

PeanutandSons's picture

Dh said, in front of all the kids, that SD was his favorite child. What the flying fuck. Even if its true, what parent in their right minds says that out loud in front of their 4 children.

I didn't even know what to say.....I didn't say anything. Not sure if bs3 grasped what he said so I didn't want to get into a huge argument in front of the kids and highlight his comment even more. I just grabbed my two boys and we are at the park right now.

How do I even approach this?

Comments

oldone's picture

Wait until you go about with a bunch of his friends and then describe how great your favorite sex partner was - and that it was NOT DH.

"Oh sure DH is really good - but let me tell you how great this other guy was. Wow - it was really something."

PeanutandSons's picture

We were at the mall food court and the lady behind the counter commented how he had three sons and only one daughter, and asked if he prefers boys or girls. He started to say he likes both boys and girls and then paused and goes...oh who am I kidding...she is my favorite. And gave her a huge hug.

StickAFork's picture

:jawdrop:
What a ridiculous question, and an even way worse response.
How about, "I love them all equally and in special ways" response???

UGHHH. That's one of those things that doesn't get forgotten. Sad

PeanutandSons's picture

That's what it sounded like he was starting to say....but couldn't resist saying that SD is his favorite.

Total bullshit.

The lady was Chinese and from the sounds of her accent possibly newly immigrated, so maybe over there its not such a rude question. I dunno.

Its like....I'm expected to pretend everyday of my life and of my own kids childhoods that I love them and the skids the same. Every little thing that could in anyway be construed as me showing favoritism to my own kids is brought up and I am belittled over it. Yet he can flat out say that he has favorites?

How do I even approach him on this....

StickAFork's picture

I honestly don't know.
That kind of shit can reallly mess with kids' self esteem as they grow. Sad

StickAFork's picture

Snorty!

3LittleDragonflies's picture

I have 2 cousins who are Southeast Asian (fostered in their late teens). Those types of questions aren't rude to them and are quite normal.

aggravated1's picture

It would have been lighthearted if he was about four years old and thought fart jokes were funny. There's no excuse for that behavior. None.

ConfusedStep's picture

I'm probably not the right person to give you advice on this since I can be passive aggressive as heck.

I really feel for you though, there is no way in hell that would fly with me.

bi's picture

my mom never came right out and said it, and i never asked, but i knew my brother was her favorite for several years of our adult lives. i think she resented us equally when we were kids for daring to take up residence in her womb, but as adults, she was a bitch and always negative toward me, but just adored my brother. i don't have a dad, really. he's a drunk POS who has spent most of his life in prison for non stop petty crimes. my grampa was the father figure in my life, and he died 13 years ago. well, i was engaged one time before fdh. i was talking to my mom about it and said that bd would be walking me down the aisle. she rolled her eyes like it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard. nevermind that my grampa was gone, i don't have a father, and my brother and i are not close and he is unreliable. she was just a total bitch about it all. yet she was ready to give my brother her ring to give to his gf because gf wanted him to propose.

they would smoke pot and get drunk with her, so they were awesome and she just loved them to death. i was a prissy bitch who was more concerned with taking care of my kids and going to work every day, so i sucked. well, you can't put a bunch of pill popping, beer guzzling, high ons in a room together for very long and think nothing bad will come of it. eventually she started fighting with them all the time, and then she would call me crying about it, expecting me to do something. :?

over the years, she has had it out with them many times, and hasn't spoken to them in several months now and has disowned my brother, so now i'm the awesome child because i don't fight with her. it's so stupid. they don't get along because they are both immature and ignorant and way too much alike. she always favored my brother's daughter over my kids as well, but has a problem with the fact that bd's favorite person ever is my gramma (mom's mom) and she calls her gramma. :? my mom says SHE is the gramma and her mom is great gramma and she doesn't like that bd doesn't differentiate. (eye roll). cry me a fucking river. the whole favoritism bullshit is just stupid.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

DH made the mistake of telling me and a few of our friends that BD1 is his favorite. I didn't care that it was my child that was favorite or that SD2 wasn't around to hear the conversation or old enough to understand, DH got a quick stomp on his foot and "the look" and then in private I later told him that it was inappropriate to ever bring up who his "favorite" was in a public conversation. I then asked him how he felt when his mother (very publicly and repeatedly) told anyone who would listen that SIL was her favorite. He told me it made him feel like poop. I then pointedly asked him how he thought it would make SD feel if she heard him say that.

I made a grown man cry.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

That was just awful of your DH to respond like that & even worse that he did it infront of the kids!!! That kinda stuff can devastate a childs self esteem!!!

I think a slap across his face was warranted! How terrible of him!! Ugh!

Journey1982's picture

I don't remember why, but one day while my brother and I were talking to my mom, I jokingly made the comment that I was dad's favorite. My brother jumped in and said he was dads favorite. My moms response "Its nice to hear that your father made you both feel like you were his favorite."

PeanutandSons's picture

Would I have posted it to if he had said that one of the bs was his favorite....maybe not. But it would have bothered me just as much. Its a messed up thing to say to a kid, period.

And I am actually more upset for ss11 than bs3. My kids have both their parents to love them...and my hope is that he didn't fully grasp the full scope of what dh said and that he forgets it entirely..SD may have no bio mother in her life but she has daddy licking at her heels. SS was abandoned by his bm and also has a father that openly admits to loving his sister more. So neither parent fully has his back.

Three of those kids are old enough to know exactly what dh said. I don't even say stuff like that to bs3 when we are alone....let alone in front of the skids. Its not good for any of the kids...to either feel better than and above their siblings or to feel less loved and beneath a sibling.

And to clarify I didn't storm out and make a big scene. We finished our time at the mall as a family and drove home. Once home I took the little boys to the park.

Delilah's picture

Sorry but got to say your DH is not a nice person :jawdrop:

I would be horrified if I heard my partner say this in front of our children, even if it favoured *our* child. It's not right regardless who is the favourite!

It seems to me, that this incident is one in the long line of heartbreaking, stressful incidents that DH perpetuates. The fact he genuinely does not see anything wrong with this admission and then worse still saying it in front of all the children is disturbing. He has little to no awareness of HIS actions but is highly critical of your behaviour, actions. He really really needs to concentrate on himself and fix HIS issues.

You need to talk to him calmly and pick your moment, so if later on he is in a foul mood do not say anything. Wait until he is calm, peaceful and in a good, open mood. I would feel livid over this, but anger will only put him on the defensiveness and really your aim is to get him to acknowledge and fix whatever these issues are which are causing him to act like he does. So you calmly need to talk to him and discuss how this made you feel e.g do not say "you made me feel" say "I felt". Remain calm even if he raises his voice and gets nasty. Do not lower yourself to his level and please if things go south, then leave it and you will have to consider really long term what you want from your relaitonship if DH continues in this self destructive cycle as this type of behaviour is VERY damaging to the children and do not be surprised if your skids behaviour gets worse and your boys pick up on cues from the skids and are influenced by them!