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I need advice?

PB's picture

Can you please help me with this. Thanks. 

When i get home from work i hate when sd is there until her moms come back from work and dh leaves her to her house. 

Do you think is it better if dh watch her in exs home until she comes home? OR They stay here at us until bm comes get her?

I hate both! I just dont know what to do, i hate it when she makes loud voice, and make dirt in toilet, so sometimes i say i wish she eats and stay in her own home, but i hate it when dh is at exs sit and wait for ex to come home and then leave. Its not his house, so why he should be there? 

I don't know which one is better for me? I know the answer might be none! But can you please advice?

Thanks, hug...

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Remind me again, how old is this child? Isn't she old enough to stay home by herself yet? What time does her mother get home from work? 

PB's picture

Hi, she is 9, in october will be 10. 

Last year she stayed alone for a few hours, but Dh says there is no one else left in the building so no neighbour, and workers are there all the time so she is scared! They also need to move from this house soon. Her mom comes at 19:30 20:00 o'clock.

ESMOD's picture

Ideally, he would watch his child in his own home until her mom would come to pick her up vs being at his Ex's.  But that would also mean he should be making sure she is neat and clean.

Winterglow's picture

If your SAHD husband was doing his job right, there shouldn't be any cleaning or washing to do Why isn't he doing it?

PB's picture

Hah! When you ask him he says i do all the cleaning! Oh yes you do! he just do the hoover and mop sometimes and thats it. And oh god he thinks he is doing everything at home! 

ESMOD's picture

You should just do whatever you want really.. read, watch the news.... or clean if that is how you normally occupy yourself.  You can go out for a walk.. run an errand.. really anything.. the child is there with her father.. no need for you to really do anything with or for her.  

cmd88's picture

Did you ever get in contact with your parents? I know that it sucks having SD at the house, but that's where she should be rather than at the BM's house while she is working. That's just odd for your DH to bring SD over there especially when he doesn't live there. 

Winterglow's picture

Then at least talk to the people at your local women's shelter. They can help you take that first step towards freedom.

PB's picture

You are right!

Dh should not be there, we had a fight again last night and this morning i told him to not go there anymore, just watch her here at home until her moms come. But i know it will be hard for me. Im like a stranger at my home when she is there like miniwife dirty loud child. I sometimes lock my self up in our bedroom but then dh gets mad. So i think i have to make me busy with cleaning, washing, doing nails, etc...

Winterglow's picture

Why do you care that your husband gets mad? You are the one who is paying the bills and it's time to remind him of that. Don't let him bully you. 

PB's picture

Its not like i'm scared of him. No i'm not. But i dont like when we are mad or dont talk... and he is using this against me. He knows im sensitive and even if its not my fault i make the first step to people, and he is clearly using this. 

PB's picture

But at the other side i like to make myself busy, because when i dont have something to do and we just sit with sd i cant hug her or comminucate so much so its worst... at least when i have some work to do i say im busy... 

PB's picture

It's very sad isnt it? that i need to waste my time! Waste my best days of life to wait for her to go and then having peace at my own home! I dont know i should laugh or cry...

PB's picture

I just came home from work, and he is not gome. He should be there look after baby at ex again. 

Winterglow's picture

How long have you been married? I ask because if you wait too long to leave you might find yourself paying him alimony ...