Definitely guilty parenting. Just let the poor, poor victims of divorce free range and pacify them.

So don't teach them anything like manners and hygiene because their fragile little egos and psyches might burst!!

Instead just let them eat what they want, when they want, where they want (free range grazing)

That's pretty sad. What kind of food do you carry in your house? Is there a good reason why a 20 year old is living in your home? Do you have a close enough relationship with them to talk about their eating and hygeine issues? Have you ever brought it up with their dad?

In my case it was absent parenting. BM never bothered to make sure that SS had a shower every night. And when he did shower he just stood under the water - no soap or shampoo and the stink was still there when he was done. DH would have to give him a sniff test after every shower to make sure he got clean. The skid is 18 now and he still only showers about every 3-4 days. Ewwwww.

Absent parenting also led to poor eating habits. SS grew up on hot pockets and junk food. BM never knew how to cook so she would go out for fast food dinners nearly every night of the week. When SS would come for weekend visitation, he would eat every piece of fresh fruit in the house (usually 3-5 apples and a few bananas) and drink an entire gallon of milk (BM refused to buy milk). Then I would find wrappers from all of the junk food under his bed after he left. He would devour granola bars, little debbie snacks, and beef jerky long after every one else was in bed.

I always thought it was strange, but now I know it's just typical skid behavior.

And when he did shower he just stood under the water - no soap or shampoo and the stink was still there when he was done.

I pointed this out to GG that Prince Hygiene was doing this. He didn't seem to care and had no desire to teach PH how to properly wash himself!!

And the Behemoth eats out or does fast food every night so that's where the skids get their eating habits from.

To lots of kids-food=love. Food=nurturance. If they are not getting or did not ever receive these things from their primary attachment figure or received in inconsistently they will often turn to other things to provide it for them. One of the first activities of any parent is to feed your child. It is such a bonding activity that does indeed represent love.

My ss always had tons of food issues. He would raid the cabinets at night (this is when he lived with us)and gorge himself on an entire bag of oreos, an entire box of little debbie snack cakes, and would eat boxes of jello (just the sugar), packages of instant oatmeal (again unprepared). He was getting 3 squares a day with snacks so it was not an actual hunger issue. He would inhale food so quickly that he often threw up within a few minutes of eating. He's somewhat better now (almost 13) but still has strange food issues.

He must have 3 distinct meals a day. If we go on vacation-sometimes we get up late and eat a big meal 11 and then again maybe around 4 and have snacks in between. This satisfies everyone else in the family-but ss will literally freak out on us. He will whine and cry and throw a tantrum because he is not getting a breakfast, a lunch, and a dinner. Last year as we driving home from vaca he freaked because he was offered a poptart, a banana, and milk for b-fast. It was not enough for him. He went on and on and until one of my bios gave him his poptart. Then we stopped an hour later and he ate another whole entire breakfast. The strange thing is this kid is maybe 75 pounds. He is 13 and he could easily pass for 9-easily. He can still wear shorts I bought him while he was in 3rd grade. I question whether he has worms.

I'm not even going to get into the hygiene issue

Yup, I just had to strong arm my SS14 by saying "You are not to sleep in your next day clothes anymore"

His kids always pick the starches all the time. They won't eat veggies for anything. They eat candy for a 'snack'. I keep telling them it is a treat, not a snack.

Their eating manners are absolutely abominable. SS14 lays on the table. I keep telling him to sit up. He has even told us at the table, "my friends say I eat like a retard!"

I so feel your pain...

Friend parenting is pathetic. My SD(27) doesn't wash her hands (my bedroom is ajacent to the bathroom). She'll then go and cook dinner and offer DH and I some. I'm either . . full from lunch . .not hungry or . . . .will tell her I'll get some later . . which of course I never do.

She also puts food in the bathroom garbage can and still leaves food in her room. She also flushes food down the toilet. Now, we're not talking a teen here . . . she's almost damn 30 years old. How ridiculous is this? I've gotten on DH over and over and told him we're going to have every bug in town . . moving in if he doesn't get in her as!@.

Everytime we have an issue like this I ask DH point blank "doesn't she know not to put food in the bathroom trash, etc?" And his answer is "I hope she does." WTF, how ridiculous is that? It's a parent's job to teach. Parents .. do your job!

DH has excellent hygiene, clean around the house but has very poor table manners (he stuffs his cheeks full of food, chews some, then stuffs in more food. I've asked him if he's training to be a squirrel in his next life). I've been told that Uberskank (BM) is a P I G pig in all aspects personal hygiene, home, laundry and table-manners.

His 15 y/o daughter uses hefty doses of perfume to cover the funk. She stays with us EOWE, but I can count on one hand how many showers she's taken in our home since the first week of January. Except for when it was removed from it original packaging, her toothbrush remains untouched by human hands and her bedroom would qualify for an EPA super-fund. On the upside, I believe she's discontinued her monthly ritual of "spreading the love" so to speak all over the toilet seat, sink and counter in the bathroom. I guess she got tired of me using her favorite clothes to clean up the mess. :evil:

Her eating habits? Despite my numerous explanations of what the rectangular piece of paper is beside her plate, she continues to use her sleeves to wipe her mouth and nose (usually at the same time). Chews with her mouth open and talks with her mouth full of food. Still uses her fingers more often than her fork & knife (remember she's 15). And like her father, stuffs food in her mouth and doesn't chew and swallow before stuffing in more food.

Her table manners are very similar to her fathers, so he's taking the fall for that. He recently tried to correct her table manners, but after receiving the "pot calling the kettle black" stares from both of us, he realized he was doing the exact same thing and trying to bust her for it!

Uberskank gets credit for the rest.

Oh.....and I long ago disengaged (going on year #2!!) so I don't even bother to try and correct any of this any longer.

How can you even step in the kitchen to cook anything after you walked out the bathroom without washing your hands? How nasty is that? Isn't that just basic hygiene 101?

DH on the other hand so happy to please her . . he'd eat dog food if she fed it to him. Woof!

Ok, my youngest has tried the get in the shower but not wash trick...don't know why, i've always hounded him-BUT I will always go in and ensure he does since I saw him try this-and he only tried it a few times. AND I do the smell test when he gets out..if he's not smelling clean he goes back in cold water or not...he seems to have learned the lesson since AND yes I still remind them to wash hands (youngest more) everytime and do hand checks after. Eventually it'll stick I believe. I'm consistent w/it...their diet is always a very good one. The "sweets" i keep around is yoghurt or on ocassion cookies. But we cook dinner almost every night-and we grill and do veggies, carbs, etc. We rarely buy sodas-it's a special treat. They are big water drinkers which is great.

My SD doesn't seem to have an issue with showering or appearing clean, washing hands, general hygiene-except for the ocassional "dont' want to shower now" pouting I think MOST kids do...BUT her diet? Oh lord...the kid lives on sweets! Her mom provides them, my bf's parents do...I"m the strict one and always get on her case about the dangers of sugar addiction, how it can lead to diabetes etc..in fact it's one of the few things bf and I will argue about-..he gives up on her refusing water or treats not loaded w/sugar...lazy IMO-and I'm the one that throws a fit and will show my butt abotu how she needs to stop w/the capri sun and drink water even if she doesn't like it.
Eventually I'll just say-whatever, it's your child do whatever you want-but he knows I get mad about it.

I guess my only solution while at my house is to ensure there are NO capri-suns when she's around and no sweets..then it's tough luck...if he has to go out and make a special trip to get them he probably won't WHich punishes my kids though even though they very much are moderate with things.

Gave him a huge lecture the other day about sugar and nutrition..his parents boggle me-get her all kinds of icecreams, candybars, etc...the kids has tons of cavities and caps, and the bf's mom is diabetic and on a strict diet..I keep telling him he needs to get firm w/it...does he want to end up w/a kid on insulin at this age?? GRRRRR