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Bad decisions that Skids make to complicate their (and our!) lives

paul_in_utah's picture

This is something that has been rattling around my head recently.  It seems in step-life that we see far more examples of immature, emotionally unstable, and downright foolish decisions by the children in our lives, as compared to what would be seen in an intact and stable nuclear family.  Here are some of my examples, what do you got StepTalk?

1.  Taking on expensive habits that they can't afford - cigarrettes, energy drinks, fancy coffees, fancy clothes they wear one time and forget.

2.  Excessive focus on image/grooming habits that are very also very expensive.  Think those gigantic nails that are popular now, hair coloring, tatoos, piercings, etc.

3.  Getting pregnant on purpose to "baby-trap" some loser sperm donor, when they don't have the financial resources to take care of the baby.  Nor the work effort needed to effectively parent a child.

4.  Insisting on getting pets they can't afford and are too lazy to take care of.  It seems like these are almost always gigantic, destructive dogs that shit everywhere.

5.  Playing the "anxiety" card to get out of taking a job, taking care of their kids, being courteous to others, etc.  I know that mental health issues are real, and maybe the sub-set of kids we see on a regular basis (our skids) are more disposed towards mental illness than most populations, but DAMN.  There are so many stories on here of kids with "Anxiety" that I think many of them use it as an excuse to get ouf the things I mentioned above. 

6.  Threatening self-harm if they don't get their way.

7.  Moving a boyfriend/girlfriend into the house while the skid is still a minor.

8.  Drug use.  Even though I don't think weed is necessairly a big deal, skids that are blazing it 5 times a day are making a mistake, in my opinion.  If for no reason other than the cost and the risk of arrest, let alone potential impacts on heath, cognition, etc.  Then you have harder drugs that you read about here, like coke and heroin.  Uggh. 

9.  Refusal to take school seriously.

10. Getting crappy jobs with weird hours.

11.  Getting fired from crappy jobs due to excessive absences.

12.  Walking off a job on the first day because the manager was "disrespecting" them.

13.  Unfliching (and inexplicable) devotion to a broke, abusive partner who treats them like garbage.

14.  Relying on social media (especially Tik Tok, it seems) for medical and financial advice, and trusthing this source more than adults in their lives, experts, authentic resources, etc.

And bonus round, things that are not necessarily decisions made by skids, but issues that still create complexity:

1.  Special diets due to food allergies.

2.  Frequent medical issues that may or may not be objectively verifiable.  Think ER trips due to dehydration, exhaustion, etc.

 

Comments

dragonfly878's picture

Yes!!! Attention seeking is at the top of my list, too. SS could easily run the show between DH and BM because it was a s**t marriage and it was easier to focus on making him happy than addressing their problems. Now that DH and I are together and have DD, SS has to actually *ghasp* blend?!?!? Why do that when you can be 14 but act like you're going on 7 and get coddled by BM when you act like a victim?

Under "issues"

3. Attention seeking

4. Victim mentality 

5. Entitlement

caninelover's picture

We all seem to see alot of these.  Though I can add:

Food drama, eg becoming vegan on Thanksgiving and then wanting Boston Market the next day.

Foolish career choices, eg doctor when they have no aptitude for math or science, or becoming a professional mermaid.  LOL.

 

Stepdrama2020's picture

I suppose mermaids would be vegan. LOL

Boston Market story an all time fave. Mind you the Professional Mermaid is right up there.

I can say a common theme is the ENTITLED skids expecting to be big daddio's numero uno and SM is there to sweep the ground they walk on.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Hilarious! Career moves also include professions that they already know they hate but sink a ton of tuition dollars towards pursuing a college degree in it anyways. 

JRI's picture

My SD60 hits all your buttons.  I'll add:

"Shows financial irresponsibility.  Reluctant to pay for anything that can't be worn, shown to others or eaten."

Our all-time example is SD60 letting her car insurance lapse due to the insurance company being so unreasonable and inflexible about nonpayment of premiums.  Oops, she hit a deer, totaled her car and Daaad had to buy another.

 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

She's 60 and dad is still paying for cars?! ...when does the cycle end?? I am starting to lose hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

That list is not limited to skids. I know too many from intact families on whom you could have based this list. Bottom line is that it's poor parenting. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

It's poor parenting mixed with probably real mental health issues that would have been manageable if kids had been diagnosed and treated earlier (again, poor parenting).

Paul, most of the stuff you listed are coping mechanisms for anxiety and other mental health issues. When you don't have the tools or skills to cope, you'll chase whatever makes you feel better. Drugs, including caffeine, are easy to pick out of that list.  But the attention and positive reinforcement that comes from having a partner or kids or pets also fuels the "feel good" feelings that the body isn't naturally producing or regulating. Toss in poor access to mental health services in this country and the added "tax" for being poor with little to no coping skills and it becomes a downward spiral.

That's not to say that adults shouldn't be accountable for their actions, or that we can't and shouldnt be frustrated by these issues. That's why it's important to not enable bad behaviors but be willing to support good ones. If an SK needs a babysitter so they can go to therapy and fix the problem, parents should jump (as best as possible) to help. But an SK (or anyone for that matter) who needs a babysitter so they can forgo their parenting responsibility is enabling and just keeps perpetuating the cycle.

Learning to differentiate between enabling and helping took a minute, but I appreciated learning that lesson with the SKs. The goal is to make them independent, and the help that needs is going to vary. YSK struggling in their foreign language class because their pronunciation is garbage due to their speech impediment means having to step in and speak with the teacher (and probably accepting that theyll get a lower grade). But if they aren't turning in their assignments and that's why their grade tanks? Yeah, there are consewuences for that kind of behavior.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Agree that mental health issues can play a part, Lt Dad. I was referring only to those I know and they do not have mental health issues, but are the end result of their parent's bad choices. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Oh agreed. Poor parenting in and of itself causes a whole host of issues that may or may not correct themselves as people get older. The damage poor parenting does is astronomical.

Shieldmaiden's picture

Yes to many of these for my stepkids. I don't know if their anxiety is a chemical imbalance or a lack of parental preparation for the real world, or both. I think a lack of introduction into the real world with training wheels on creates these kids that are terrified of failure so they don't even try. Also, the parent letting them sink or swim once in a while, instead of rescuing them the first instant they are in distress, could help them gain the confidence and experience they need to survive. 

As for expensive habits - yes to that. They don't understand the value of hard work or a dollar earned because everything has been given to them. They also think that mental illness is a "get out of jail free card". They expect coddling vs actual help in learning to deal with their emotions on their own. 

Don't get me started with how much is wrong with the parenting that has been done (or not done) with these kids. I am thankful I never had kids with DH because he would have messed them up, too. We have a cat together and I even object to the parenting he does with the cat. LOL. 

floralsm's picture

This list describes Toxic HCBM lol. She's nearly 30 with two children and still relates to everything on this list. She's a child all over. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I think the majority of the OP's list can be traced directly to the poor/diluted/permissive parenting of his less-than-stellar partner. This goes for many of us on ST. 

lala-land's picture

I've got 1 through 6, 9 to 12 and 14 for SD31 and that is just 1 of the 3 skids. The others may be headed towards the big lose.  Amazing how crap parenting breeds crap kids.