Boyfriend and I just HAD IT OUT now I don't know how to heal...
All this stress just made me explode. BF and I have been IMing all day, as he seems to communicate better on the IM than in person sometimes. I finally spilled my guts about how I feel about how I am being treated, and addressed every issue I have. At first I tried to be gentle and loving, but it ended badly. I don't know if we will get over this. He made a comment to me that just pissed me off in a way I have never known I could be pissed off. I am so tempted to post that entire conversation up here, but I'm trying to check myself and my anger right now. How do you come together emotionally when you've had a fight that can end all and why am I always the one initiating the apologies? That hurts too! argghh
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Forgiveness.
Love isn't enough. There has to be forgiveness and understanding on both sides. There also has to be a judgment-free zone in the relationship where both people can say what they need to say without being criticized. You both have to know that no matter how mad you get, no matter how nasty a thing you say, no matter how ugly the fight is, if you truly love each other, then you forgive each other for being human. My DH and I have not been in a great place in a long time, but we're working on it. One of the things that's helped us recently is that we've been giving each other the time and space to vent, then talking calmly and rationally about how we feel, rather than jumping on the martyr bandwagon and taking things personally. You have to reach a point where you both understand that there's your truth, there's his truth and then there's the real truth somewhere in the middle. You just have to meet there and hash things out without anger. Easier said than done, I know. We have a code word we use to stop the conversation before it escalates, then we go back and talk again when we are calmer. It's a new thing we're doing, but it's working so far. The atmosphere in our house has lightened up a lot!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)