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Investing......want some other views!

Past life's picture

Hi ,

Well,  here I am, back again....needing to vent and get some opinions on a delicate subject. It is about investing.

First, my background. I was married for 33 years to my Husband. I raised 2 of his 4 children. He passed 8 years ago and I was on my own about 4 years. I have no natural children.

I met a nice man and we have been together as designated partners, for five years now.

My dellemia now is this. As we are aging, we want to get a joint annuity, as to have more income monthly. My partner wants to do a Charitable annuity with a organization he supports.  I want to do a joint annuity, with my step daughter as a benificary. My partner has no one he wants to leave anything to, but the organization. I am pulled, and would like to leave something for my SD.

How do I approach this,without hurting his feelings or making him angry at me? 

I hope someone out there, has went through this problem, and may have some ideas  for me to consider.


Past life


futurobrillante99's picture

If he gets angry because you want to leave something to the child you raised, he’s not a good person.

Can I ask who has the greater amount of money between you and your boyfriend, and the proportion? Example: I am worth almost 4 times what my soon to be ex husband is worth, financially.

i would advise you to NOT do a joint annuity.

he should do his own as should you.

do not commingle assets 

notarelative's picture

You use the phrase "designated partner". My advice is that if you are not married do not combine any assets. 

But, if you decide to, go to a lawyer for advice on the laws where you live. A friend and her significant other put joint assets in a trust that had specific language about its dissolution in the event of breakup or death. 

Also consider what happens to your part of the annuity if your partner needs nursing home care. Will, under the laws of your state, any part of your contribution be allotted to him? 

Are you investing assets that are solely yours or are they funds inherited from DH1? To me, that makes a difference. I have kept funds I inherited from DH 1 separate in marriage 2. When I did, if there is anything left,  they go to the kids if marriage #1 and not to current DH2.  

Consult a lawyer before you do anything. A good lawyer will walk you through the pros and cons so that you can make an informed decision. There is lots more to consider than heirs.


ndc's picture

I would talk to an investment advisor and a lawyer.  Annuities aren't always the right investment vehicle.  I also would not do a joint investment.  You're not married and you have different opinions about who will inherit.  There's no reason you can't do separate investments and each contribute investment income to the household.  As someone mentioned above, I think it makes a huge difference if some of your assets were inherited from your husband.  I suspect he would rather that any remaining funds go to his daughter, not an organization chosen by a man who is a stranger to him.

futurobrillante99's picture

Just as a case in point, I'm at the end of a 2 year marriage and a 4 year relationship that began while I was separated from my first husband. My divorce settlement was considerable, and I got the house. I also earned more (at the time) than my stbX.

My stbX walked away from his divorce with a retirement account that was 3x less than mine, and a cash divorce settlement that was 3 times less than mine, and he was actively dipping into it every month to pay his expenses.

I foolishly bought a house with him 5 months after we met and I think it prolonged our relationship due to the issues with having to sell the house while his kids were still in school. The last one graduated this year and we sold the house in the spring.

Anyway, soon after marrying him in mid 2016, I realized that I needed a post nuptial agreement to make it clear that ALL my premarital assets were off limits, including the profit from the sale of MY house (where I raised my kids and lived for 24 years). I also laid out other financial agreements and had spousal support/alimony waived and waived rights to retirement accounts. The document protected BOTH of us and our respective assets. He dragged his feet on signing it for a year and I refused to sell my house until he did. His motivation to finally sign it was that while I had my house and my own mortgage, I couldn't help pay the mortgage at our house.

I wrote a will that took very good care of him. If I died after 10 years of marriage, he would have received my entire estate in a spendthrift trust. I didn't trust him with the lump sum, so the spendthrift trust would give him a monthly check for a certain number of years. He wouldn't have ever owned the principal so it was protected from creditors and gold diggers. Anything remaining after his death would go to MY children.

I don't want to drone on too long about this, but there are plenty of men out there who have not planned properly for retirement and have met some kind lady who has a lot of assets. She's in love and naturally wants to look out for her new partner.

Don't get duped. He might be all that and a bag of chips, BUT unless he is on equal footing with you financially, do NOT comingle your assets with his. Please see an estate attorney and discuss the best way to do things for your partner that do not expose you to risk from him or his family. There are ways to control your assets, legally.

As for me, I will NEVER jointly own a house with a man again. The house will be MINE - 100%. I will never comingle assets again. And while I feel certain I will never marry again, if I foolishly decided to, I would not do it without an ironclad prenup. I don't care if the guy is worth 200K or 2 million, I will insist on a prenup for both our protection.

I will also not easily disclose my financial information to any man I'm seeing. I don't want a man to find me MORE attractive than he usually would because he hasn't prepared for retirement. I'm no one's retirement plan.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE protect yourself. There are many elderly men who are unscrupulous.

The post nuptial agreement truly saved my bacon as everything was already agreed upon before filing for divorce. Nothing to hash out. It should be over before Christmas.