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Long Time SM, Long Time Shoddy Behavior From SK

PalmTree's picture

Hello, I would like and value some opinions. Two "adult" step kids, 12+ years of inconsiderate, unpleasant behavior.
A wonderful husband who, like many other husbands mentioned on this site, only wants some peace and harmony.
There has been a trend over the years for the male stepson to arrive at Christmas with only a gift for his father,
nothing for me or my son. Visits from stepson where he will not direct any conversation to me. A history of general
unpleasantness. I tolerated his nonsense until three years ago, when after we (I shopped and shipped) gifts to him,
there was no acknowledgement of thank you for the gifts. The upshot was all out warfare from both the stepson and his
sister when I called him out on ungracious behavior. We moved past that, with apologies from the stepdaughter and continued passive-aggressive behavior from the stepson.

This last Christmas just gone, stepson ordered a gift online for my husband, no note, no salutation, which arrived
after Christmas. We had invited him for Christmas and he said he would let us know if he could come out, but never did. My husband called him on Christmas eve to see if he was coming, the short answer was no. I was not sorry, to be honest.

His birthday is coming up and I find myself rather disinterested in shopping, shipping and paying for a gift for him.
It is not the need or lack of a gift for me that is an issue, it is the lack of kindness and what I am viewing as hostile behavior that I am not willing to weather anymore. My bio son sent him a lovely gift for the holiday, no thank you yet. We sent him a generous gift, no thank you yet. What are the thoughts on this board?


PalmTree's picture

Yep, not buying him a gift. Will make a modest suggestion of what DH can buy him.
What is the longer term solution with this adult stepson? That is what I ponder and wonder who else
on this board has dealt with similar. I will say my husband is very unhappy his behavior
and attitude - and has told both of his kids as much. I feel more sorry for DH being let down by his son,
so often, with regularity. My husband is not oblivious to any of kid's behavior, we both want a good healthy relationship
with all of our kids, the stepson included.

hereiam's picture

I would not buy him anything nor would I suggest to DH what he could by him.

Your DH has already talked to him about his behavior, I don't know what else to do except just not put up with it and hope that your SS grows up someday.

notasm3's picture

Why invite him for Christmas? or for any other time. You know there is no reason that you have to have anything to do with an adult skid who is an ass.

I love my DH dearly but I have virtually nothing to do with SS30. I did see him for 10 minutes in December - first time in 2 1/2 years. Only because DH forgot his wallet and had to stop and pick it up. And even then DH came inside asked if it was okay for SS to come inside. I graciously said yes.

PalmTree's picture

Ahh, indeed, why invite him for Christmas? He has long chosen to go to a relative of his mother's (Mother is not there, lives in another state), instead of spending Christmas with with his Dad/us. Following the money has been our long-held belief, an elderly aunt who is loaded. There has been the odd year and there when he has stopped in when we lived closer.

At any rate this relative is no longer putting on Christmas due to declining health, so he had nowhere to go, or so it appeared. It will be a long, cold winter before I could not/would not extend an invitation under those circumstances. Hence, the invitation, which was a gesture for my DH, not completely for the selfish, entitled "adult" SC. Anyway, he obviously found somewhere to go, we did not, nor have heard from him, not a thank you for Christmas gifts, no happy new year call, nada. I understand you graciously saying yes to your SS coming inside, anything less is perhaps mirroring shoddy behavior we weather from these so-called kids. Civility, graciousness, at all costs has long been my view. All of which is why I posted today, curious to hear from other folks what their experiences and take is on similar situations. Not sure I want to play ball anymore.

PalmTree's picture

Okey dokey, thanks StepToIt18, appreciate the thoughtful input!