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BF needs to S*$& or get off the pot!!! My patience is growing thin.

overit2's picture

Good heavens, another evening last night with bf venting for hours about his grievance w/his situation-his BM and kid.

I mean please SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT! do something now or give it up, get on with it or quit complaining about it, stop procrastinating -make up your mind’ and do something, either make a decision about the dna test/custody whathaveyou....I've been patient...2 years patient. And a part of me doesn't want to rush him because I cannot fathom making such a decision and how painful it must be to chose to either become a doormat and taken advantage of the rest of your life for someone who isn't really your kid-or to get the test...and perhaps give up any visiation/csupport and relationship with whom you know as your D.

He's tormented with making this choice but not making it is tormenting to him and me also. He can't get on with his life, he's always angry, bitter and upset about the tricks BM pulls (yet again she pulled a fast one yesterday). It trickles down to us where 2-3 times a week we are ending up discussing the same crap over and over again and he does nothing about it.

He'll get in a bad/foul mood, he's mad, he'll vent, bitch, moan, and it affects our relationship because then any good time we might have had was ruined with his mood.

He says he's waiting for his parents to be on board with him but who knows...I know he's close to deciding and as his gf and the one that loves him I know I am supposed to be supportive, patient and I AM...but damn it I DO need to vent about it just to release steam or I'll say smoething to him and it won't be pretty. UGHHHH


alwaysanxious's picture

It sounds like his indecision is his decision. He would rather not do the test, not know, and continue to have visitation and CS.

overit2's picture

Oh and another thing-in passing he mentioned that if he had full custody he MAY have a chance to turn his girl around...but it would have to be know, not in another year as it might be too late. BUT he would only do that if BM gave it to him w/no fight/custody battle (yeah right)...

I didn't say anything because at that point I know he's just talking and doesn't think it would be an option-but reality is at some point he should know where I stand....I don't want him to make any decision based on what I have to say so i'm quiet about it..but to be honest..I may not continue the relationship if he does have full time custody. I know it's hypocritical sounding because I have my boys full time-but that's how he met me...and I met him w/EOW. Truth is the kids personalities dont' mesh well and it's hard enough eow-everyday would be a nightmare even if he did get to help her change her behavior.

I wouldn't marry him or ever combine our families fulltime and take on a smom role to a kid that is quite likely not even his? NOPE.

overit2's picture

Thats the thing though-he's dreading visiation, is about to give it up entirely, he resents the CS since the "non courte approved test".....

His relationship w/his D is strained...the stuff BM does makes it to where he has emotionally detached and stopped caring to some level..but another part of him does care and feels bad and knows he was a good dad and could be. He keeps saying he's close...and it does seem to be escalating lately-BUT I honestly cannot take another year of this...I'm giving it another 6 months and if it continues w/this "indecision" I'm walking.

alwaysanxious's picture

He sounds like my SO, wants to do something, not sure what to do. He goes through times where he feel like he can make a difference and other times where he feels like he can't deal with it.

LaMareOssa's picture

Oh, this sounds so familar. I've been through this too, and actually, I'm going through it now. My DH was going to go for custody about two years ago. He waited and waited.."to gather evidence." Then I ended up pregnant with BS2 and DH put off all the court stuff. Now, two years later, he is back to "getting everything together" and "making sure my paperwork is in order and correct." He is procrastinating and I'm getting tired of it. BM does whatever she wants when she wants. My DH is goin to court Pro Se, so I can understand his nervousness, but he has everything in order.

When BM pulls her crap and when SD doesn't show up for her weekends, I'm the one who has to deal with his sulky, cranky attitude. I'm the one who has to explain to our kids that SD isnt coming this or that weekend. I'm tired of it too and I totally understand how you feel and what you're going through.

overit2's picture

Thanks for understanding...I"m wondering do you think your dh procrastinates because he perhaps isn't sure he does want full custody or how that would work for you guys as a family? Maybe his nervousness even if bm pulls crap and he's mad about it is because he's not ready to do this full time?

I mean like my guy-there has to be a reason to the procastination right??