Definitely never cooking or grocery shopping for SS16 ever again!
Yes, I'm in that club now where the skids turn their noses up at SMs cooking, but have no problem eating other people's cooking.
So at first I thought SS wouldn't eat my cooking because a lot of it had beans in it like chili and tortilla soup. And according to SO, SS doesn't like beans.
SS was at a school event tonight, he came home and said, oh I had some chili tonight. It was his friends' mom's chili. I asked SS, you had chili? Yes. And it had beans? Yes. And to add insult to injury SS has to say, "Dad, we need to get you in the chili cook-off."
SO has to make it worse by trying to appease me: "Onefootout makes good chili too." Silence. SS does this all the time. When I cook something, it's "Oh, dad, you need to make this." Brat.
I'm seriously going to make lasagna and all kinds of his favorite foods, for myself, and he's not getting any of it. When SO gets pissed at me, I'll just tell him, "Oh, but your son won't eat my cooking, he only eats your cooking or other people's cooking." If any one else has a good retort, feel free to tell me.
What a freaking brat. Sorry, feelings are hurt and I'm angry. Got to get it out or I'll unload on SO and the only outcome will be I'm a heartless bitch.
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First, tell SO you noticed
First, tell SO you noticed this and that it hurts your feelings as a woman to be/feel insulted on your cooking. Say that next time he does/says something like that, you are going to be cooking for yourself and (everyone except SS). Then when it happens and SS or SO starts crap about you doing that say whatever you think would be the best one-liner.
my ex used to pull this shit.
my ex used to pull this shit. he wouldn't eat my chili, claiming he doesn't like chili. but his mom made chili and he ate 2 bowls. i was pissed. his lame excuse was that he was hungry and that's what she made. he used to pull that crap all the time. i just stopped cooking for him. i made what i wanted to and if he didn't eat, his problem, not mine. you won't see me winning hell's kitchen or anything, but i can find my way around a kitchen. there is nothing wrong with my cooking. they just like to kiss ass with other people and don't care how rude they are to us. this goes for dh's and skids alike.
the next time you make something and the asshole wants some, make sure to let him know YOU made it, not dh, so it won't be up to his standards. sd would go on and on about how "amazing" something was if she thought fdh made it, but if she knew i made it, she would make gagging noises or refuse to eat it at all. just push it around on her plate and act like it was raw liver and onions. too damn funny when she would rave about how "amazing" something was only to find out that while she may have seen fdh stir something, *I* am the one who made it! }:) shut her mouth in a hurry!
OMG SS is such a picky eater!
OMG SS is such a picky eater! Didn't realize this was a form of control. But this makes total sense. Thanks.
Wow, my SS isn't quite that
Wow, my SS isn't quite that bad, but I see a lot of similarities. He'll just tell his dad, and not show at the table.
Thanks for all your comments.
Thanks for all your comments. First I have SS full time except maybe one more summer.
Second, I already stopped cooking for SS a while ago after he'd talk to his dad about my cooking while I was standing right there.
After My latest fight with SO I've declined to go grocery shopping with him. I used to save him money couponing and pricematching. Took up a lot of my time.
Ive recently started working on my goal of becoming more involved in SS' life and SO invited me to SS' band concert. I went, and this is what happened. So definitely not ready to soften my stance on disengaging with no cooking and no shopping now.
I asked SO what he puts in his chili. It includes beans, but according to SO, SS has never eaten SO's chili! So why the hell does SS say his dad's chili is good! SO told me not to read into it and not to take it as a jab to me.
Yet again I'm imagining all this, and my hurt feelings are not valid. Thank goodness for you guys!
^^ I agree with Yankee!! My
My SSs did this sort of thing too. So after about 2 yrs worth of it- I quit making meals when skids are here. They used to complain constantly, things like "but my mom does it this way- i want it the way she does it & crap like that. Theyd sit there at times also & push their food around their plate, take teeny tiny bites then declare they were full. Ugh
DH used to 'feel sorry for them' & then cook them crap like Mac & Cheese or microwave hot dogs for them!! Totally made me feel undermined for sure. & I even made child friendly foods. Yet theyd turn their noses up.
Before I resorted to quit cooking for them- I even went so far (stupid, I know) as to wait till they were here & ask them what meals they wanted while here. Id write it down then go to the grocery. Even when I made the meals They said they wanted-- they Still would refuse to eat it or pretend they were full-- then 20 mins later theyd be raiding the cupboards for sugary snacks to eat. I finally had enough of it about a year ago & told DH I refused to cook for them anymore. I handed the reigns to DH & took the long happy break from it!!!
DH wasnt really happy about it- but hey, I tried!!! Now HE gets annoyed with their crap!! He no longer makes secondary food choices for the skids available. He does what a counselor once told us-- if they dont like the food you prepared- then the only option they should have is a PB & J sandwich They Themselves make!! & ya know what? It works!!! They are generally too lazy to make themselves the sandwich & then eat the food DH has prepared!!! We also had to make a rule about snacks- none for an hour before or after a meal!!!! That way they cant eat so much junk food & not eat their meals!!
Hang in there!!!
Thanks! I will. Had no idea
Thanks! I will. Had no idea the food thing was such a power trip
I didnt either until my skids
I didnt either until my skids started doing it! Ive been around lots of kids & babysit a few alot (plus my DD8) & they all never do this!! But I have read alot of ppl here with skids go thru this! Its so insulting, and I think thats why the skids do it! Its a power trip really! Sad but true!
What a turd. Of course,
What a turd. Of course, sixteen year olds are known for turd-hood.
It's a power trip. Make what you want to make, and if he's hungry, he'll eat it. If he chooses to eat poptarts instead, oh...well... Not your problem, right?
Is there *any* chance that cooking isn't your thing? Does SO like your food? I'm just throwing it out there because I've known a few people who *try* but it's just not their thing. Like sewing for me. I'm not going to be good at that... ever.
Just a thought, but my big money is on SS is being a turd.
Lol.. SAF,I'm no Julia Child.
Lol.. SAF,I'm no Julia Child. But Im not bad. SO loves my chili, and he wasnt just being polite. This kid is an extremely picky eater. He likes primarily junk food.
The very few things I made that SS liked, he scarfed down. Mini pizzas, pulled pork, honemade biscuits, quesadillas. He won't eat rice, fish, cooked veggies, anything with beans in it, or so I thought. I'd cook a lot of Asian dishes and he doesn't like Asian food. So yeah some of it is I don't always cook a SS friendly meal. That's not a big problem.
So before I didn't take it personally, thought he's just picky and spoiled.
But then when I was cooking a lot, he'd ask his dad what's for dinner, what's in it, wanted to know all the ingredients, and SO would tell him, while I was standing right next to them. Totally ignored.
Then I noticed SS would go out of his way to compliment SO's cooking, but would never say anything about mine, even if he liked it, until his dad prompted him.
And as I said above, sometimes when I cooked SS would say, dad, we need to make this.
It's like he's letting me know that he and dad are in an exclusive club, exclusive of me. I don't need a lot of praise for my cooking, but a simple thank you would be a nice gesture.
Yep, me too. I stopped
Yep, me too.
I stopped cooking for the skids a while back. SD eats anything and everything as long as I didn't cook it, SS is very picky.
If they think daddy made it they love it no matter what it is or how involved he is in the process.
There aren't many dishes OH can cook, so the nights they are here our meals are F*&^%ing crap but I am happy to live with that and cook "real" food the nights they aren't here. My dd's complain and say "oh but can't we have ___" and SD says "yeah I'd rather that too!" I just say "OH can't cook that, sorry. We'll have that tomorrow night when it's my turn to cook"
LMAO - I think she is starting to regret her manipulative nasty behaviour over my cooking now!!
The latest was at easter I made this gorgeous banoffee pie, my kids had been asking, and I said I would make it for easter, she asked me to make it the weekend before when they were here. "Sorrreeeee, no. I don't cook when you and ss are here, you know that!"
This is crazy, but in a
This is crazy, but in a twisted way I wish SS would be overtly rude like some of your skids, then his dad would believe me. But he is extremely passive and nonconfrontational. SS' disrespect comes in the form of passive aggression, button pushing, passive resistance and learned helplessness.
But I'm also sorry about the extreme disrespect done of you have to deal with.
Thank you all for your comments. This really helped me cool down.
I totally agree with you
I totally agree with you here! It's not crazy, I also wish SD was a little more open with her feelings towards me. She also is very passive about it and I don't think DH sees it. But I definatley feel it from her, I get the little jabs and body language that speaks volumns.
Oh SD12 was passive
Oh SD12 was passive aggressive with it too, and always behind Dadddeeees back.
Only once she didn't realise he was sitting around the corner from the kitchen at the computer. Had loved chilli the first time I made it (I thought Yes! finally a winner LOL) then the second time I made it came into the kitchen and sniffed the pot - yummy what is it, happy with chilli to my face then whinged to dadddeeee the behind my back about how she hated it and could she have something else. Big fight ensued.
So a month or so later I am in the kitchen and dd20 asked what's for tea, I told them and she said "can't we have chilli instead?" SD was like "Yeah, please, I love chilli!" Only as I said - Daddddeeeee was out of sight but IN hearing - she copped it then and he cottoned on to her games a little.
Wow that's gotta be
Wow that's gotta be frustrating. Id be tempted to call him out on the nose wrinkling, but if your DH is like mine, then you might be seen as overreacting or reading too much into it. He's just a kid, after all. And you're the adult. Right? I hate that defensive tactic.
I was shocked when DH's niece
I was shocked when DH's niece and 2 nephews wouldn't eat what I made for a dinner to which they were invited, and their mother made them PB&J sandwiches!! I'd never heard of such a thing. As guests, one learns to eat what is offered, or politely decline, NOT ask for a replacement meal. SD ate what I made, or she had no dinner.
Meals have been a thorn in my
Meals have been a thorn in my side for 9 years.
The OSS loved my food but the fatassed SS16 has complained and made faces and refuses to eat this and that since the day I started cooking for them.
I'm a wonderful cook and everyone always wants to come to my house to eat. But not Fatass. His mom makes everything from a box or a can so he doesn't like my "gourmet" cooking.... it's not gourmet, it's homemade from scratch.
I got so sick of his snide, rude comments about EVERYTHING I make, even the stuff he supposedly loved, that I refused to cook for him for several months. So I would make a nice healthy meal for DH and I and DH would go get Fatass fast food. After a while I saw that Fatass viewed this as a reward and he was somehow special. This enraged me. I told my DH that I have never seen a child so rude not to eat what was prepared for him and that from now on he HAD to eat what was put in front of him or he gets no meal at all. My DH finally agreed after years of misery. It's still miserable because Fatass as a smart-mouthed comment no matter what I serve him, but at least he is not treated like a prince anymore at meal time.
Just thinking about it enrages me. I also do not eat with them because he eats like an animal. I sit in the kitchen at a small table and they sit in front of the TV.
I had a problem like this for
I had a problem like this for years! I do the groceries, do all the cooking and serve the mealss only to have SS turn his nose up at it and waste whole meals and then ask for a snack aftwerwards. DW didn't back me up.
"Oh we can't force SS to eat something he doesn't like...That would be mean and cruel..."
Things changed overnight when, through NO prompting of my own, DW went to the grocery store by herself one day, spent her hard-earned money and SHE did all the cooking. SS did his usual "finicky cat" routine.
Suddenly that was NOT okay.
"I did all the groceries! Spent all that money and SLAVED in the kitchen for him and he WASTES his dinner!!! That is unacceptable!"
Really DW? REALLY!?!? Because I have been trying to tell you that for - oh - THREE F^%$ING YEARS!!!!
Whoo! Shaking, couldn't have
Whoo! Shaking, couldn't have said it better.
BRAVO!
BRAVO!
Wow, it's amazing how these
Wow, it's amazing how these skids wield so much power at the dinner table. I got told off by SO for not eating with him and SS. So Im back to eating a few meals a week that SO cooks. SO doesn't understand why dinner time stresses me out so much. But if I don't give in a little he won't want to even try to compromise.
So now I'll have to confront SS when he starts slurping his salad and scraping his fork with his teeth. That's going to go over really well...not.