Im just so sad....
Definitely not depressed. Just sad.
I actually cried a few minutes ago. I dont cry. I get angry. I get dissapointed. I get sappy at times. But I dont cry.
Was thinking maybe if I write it out I can figure out why and snap out of it.
I just sit here looking at the screen and dont know what to type. I guess I will type what I was thinking of right before I cried. One of the skillions of things I thought of was that an aquaintance/sorta friend died last week. He was a nice guy I guess. His Fiance cuts my SO's hair and we knew them from a club we go to often to listen to live music. SO goes way more than I get to because I have BD8. We have hung out with them often over the last 2 years. Apparently She backed over and killed him last Thurs nite at the club They had been bickering before that like they always did. She met him there when she got off work. I wasnt there, SO was. SO and several other people we know from there including employees said that yes they bickered and she also was showing pics of her wedding gown to some folks., but they left the club together and talked in her car before him gettting out to get in his car. Ironicaly there were already police and an ambulance 100 yards away for another reason and they heard her screaming for help. Yes they had both been drinking. She told the police that she had 3 mixed drinks over the 4 hours she had been there and the bartenders tab showed the same results.
Today SO went to the mass for the guy. I had to work. SO and a club employee and her SO went together. SO says the priest insinuated 3 times that she did it intentionally. The priest refered to it as tragic (I agree) and "may" have been an accident. The priest went on and on about his marriage that ended 10 years ago and that he had been lonely since then.
She (the fiance) wasnt allowed to attend by his family's (his grown children) orders.
He was 50 yrs old and so is she.
I feel so bad for her. I know that she had a few drinks. But I dont think it was intentional. And yes he saw his grown kids occasionally and his elderly parents. But she was his FIANCE. She knew him NOW. They were in each others lives DAILY for the last 2 1/2 yrs.
Not allowing her to be at the funeral is wrong. You cant undo that. Its a one time deal. My heart is so sad for her. I couldnt live with myself if I had accidentaly killed my SO. And Im sure she is torn up. If she actually said out loud she meant to do it is the only way I would believe it.
This also got me to thinking about SO and I. We are both Catholic. I can see what is to come with his family someday if we stay together til one of us goes. I will not be welcome at his funeral, BM will. he preist will talk about his marriage to BM and his family with BM and I get the feeling that I am just a "passing the time" girl in the big scheme of things and that really just makes me sad too
I love GOD, I dont love religion.