Okay so dd9 is here for the summer. She and both my SDs are getting along just fine and for the most part she and ss9 are okay.

My problem is that when ss9 doesn't get his way or gets upset he is a tantrum thrower and has been known to be physical at school as well as at the park district, (he isn't welcome back there due to his behavior the last two years), and I know I will LOSE MY SHIT if he puts his hands on dd. DDs father and I have and continue to nurture dds creativity, curiosity, intellect, etc. Am I saying she is perfect? Absolutely not; she can hold a grudge with the best of them and can be a know-it-all as well as a grammar nazi, all very annoying, I know. However, she is a well-adjusted, healthy, (on all counts), happy little kid. I don't want ss's issues to drag her down.

Examples:
- He throws things when he's mad, and often breaks them.

- He threatens things like, "If you don't do xyz I will tell dh and your mom you are doing things you aren't doing just to get you in trouble."

- He threatens to get physical.

- If another kid comes along to play, he has already shown that he will ditch dd and has told her things like, "You didn't ask to play so you can't play with us."

I realize some of this stuff might sound normal and sibling-ish, however, dd was not raised in a name-calling, alligator-death-roll-tantrum-throwing, psycho emotional issues environment. I'm all for her understanding that life isn't all hookers and gin, however, she has a very sweet and innocent soul and isn't an mean-spirited person like ss. I don't know how to protect her without screwing the whole situation up for everyone.

I was having issues dealing with ss before dd arrived, decided to disengage from him and it worked out fine. Now that dd is here, (ss is still only over on dh's days off), so he's watching both kids while I'm at work. All of that being said, dh is half the reason ss is a maniac; yes he is and has been working with ss on his issues and is receptive to my concerns. I'm not saying this kid is bad all the time, but when he goes off HE GOES OFF.

I already didn't care for dealing with ss and now that dd is here I'm double on edge. Ugh. Suggestions, comments, advice welcome as usual and thanks for reading!

Thanks to you both!

Crazytrain: Dh and I talked about, and agreed, that DD's visit doesn't necessarily mean ss is going to be at our place all day for the entire summer, they'll get sick of each other and throw down. Dh has already relayed this to Voldemort, who was chomping at the bit to dump ss on me all summer using dd as an excuse. ACCESS DENIED!
Gonna have to find some sorta currency with this kid, maybe the xbox indeed.

furkids, you're spot on and I sincerely appreciate you pointing that out to me, it can be tough to see that sort of thing when you're in the middle of it.

EDIT: just noticed that I said fukids rather than furkids lol...Freudian slip I guess