You are here

Adult adoption and moving out

omgstop's picture

Part 1:

Okay so osdsdtb17 will be done with high school, most likely, in February 2016. She turns 18 next July. She is working 35+ hours a week through the summer to save for her own car. She's made it clear that she will be moving out asap once she turns 18. This is TOTALLY cool with me and dh. However, I'm not sure she will be making enough to support herself at that point and will linger with us for who the hell knows how long. Additionally, we just renewed the lease at our tiny apartment because we are waiting to see if the renters living in dh's house are going to buy it, (they have until the end of this year to make that happen), or if we are gonna move into it. I also wanted to wait this one more year, (even though I HATE living in the apartment), because I want osd to move out. She is LOUD, sloppy, dirty, lazy and entitled. Outside of that, she and I are actually really close, I just don't want to live with her lol. I don't know how to make it clear to her that she NEEDS to move out by the end of the summer she turns 18 without causing an argument. She's a typical teenage drama queen soooo yeah, maybe not likely that it won't cause an argument. I just don't want next summer to come and BAM we are stuck with her living in the house.

Part 2:

OSD has been estranged from Voldemort since December of last year; osd has also been living with dh, (and now me too since I moved in last November), for 2+ years - she literally has absolutely NOTHING to do with Voldemort. Osd has asked me on several occasions if I would consider adopting her when she becomes an adult. It think that's a SUPER HEAVY topic and not one that should be thrown around lightly. I would be more than happy to do so, but not until she is significantly older than 18. No way am I gonna run right out and adopt her the day she turns 18; she still has so much growing and learning and changing to do and she may still have the chance to rebuild things with Voldemort. I'm not sure how to answer her without making her feel rejected or like I have no desire to do it. Additionally, if she changed her mind and did not want me to adopt her, that would be okay with me too. I'm not like hell-bent on adopting her.

As always, questions, comments, suggestions appreciated and welcome!

Comments

zea.momie's picture

I had the adult adoption discussion with my OSD. I told her I had no problem doing it and would be honored. But I did let her know it would ruin any chance of a relationship with her biomom, and that when her mom does find out that she would probably loose any chances of seeing her half sibling over there. I told her she would need to look in to it and she would be responsible for all the legal filings and such. That way it can not be turned back around in the future and have it said the child was forced into it. But told her she needed to do the legal work that way I knew for sure she understands what it all means and to be sure it is what she really wants. Making them spend their own money on it will make them think about if it is truly what they want.

ChiefGrownup's picture

My dh has begun saying things to SD15 like, "you need to start thinking about what you're going to do when you turn 18." Part of that is to get her to realize she better do better in school (3Fs, D, 2Cs). But it's also because he has reached the point where he pretty much plans to toss her out at that point. Start the conversation early so it's not a big fat surprise. She'll be 16 next month so it's not as early as it sounds.

omgstop's picture

Yeah we have almost exactly one year before she turns 18 and dh knows that I'm over it with her living with us. She's more than capable of taking care of herself but she's LAZY and wants every last thing done for her. I guess you're right and the sooner that we bring it up, (I wonder if maybe dh should bring it up first?), the better. Thanks!