Confession - BM passed away.
I've not been fully honest on here because of my shame. My shame because I feel I should be better , more patient and loving but I can't - I try - but I can't.
The SS's BM died before I was in the picture. I met my DH and he asked me to help bring up his kids then 7 and 10.
We moved in fast and the SKs saw me as a new BM. I have BD of my own from previous relationship and they kept trying to push her out and kept teasing her about my time I spent with them. And then not letting her do things like sit next to me and always trying to get my attention. Also trying to get her into trouble, lying about things she had said or done.
One of the kids has ADHD and he very hard to deal with. Not good academically, pathological liar, lazy and constant drama. Running out the house because he was asked to do a job, pulled a knife on other SS. He's also very manipulative, he's very fake. He has no boundaries. He lies constantly even when there isn't any need to and he also stole money recently too.
My husband is great - patient, proactive, consistent and takes things off SS when he does bad things. I can't really fault his ability to father. We have tried everything from treats, love, calm talks and shouting, taking things away.
None of it works. We have done everything. My husband has too.
I hate being around this kid. But I'm all he has too. I'm angry at him because of all he has done. And all the work I've put in for years with what feels like not getting anywhere. I resent him. He never learns a lesson.
i hate myself for getting into this situation - I hate myself for not being the person he needs.
I just can't do it though. I really tried so hard but I'm so just so upset with him. I don't like being around him. I find him ungrateful, spoilt from the way he was brought up from before, he doesn't learn any lessons, he doesn't know right from wrong, it's drama every single day, he doesn't help, he's selfish, has an attitude.
I'm at the end of my rope. I really really can't leave. I've suggested I stay some place else a few nights a week to get away but my husband just won't have it and to be honest we can't afford it. I love my husband and he's a great Dad he's said he's going to take the kid out more on evening so I can get more time. But I just don't know if it's enough.
I tense up when this kid enters the room.
I know he's been through so much and I've really helped him through a lot of that and have got him lots of professional help and regular meetings with the school. I know he will always carry this trauma of course it's not a quick fix but a lot of his behaviour stuff isn't to do with ADHD or loss there is a line where he actually needs to learn right from wrong.
disengaging really helps but it also comes with its own sadness when you are 24/7 with the kid. If he went anywhere else it would be better but he doesn't so I spend my life tense, stressed, upset and biting my tongue disengaging.
how do I survive this? How do I be strong? How do I be a good parent to him? I'm so confused. Has anyone been in this situation?