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Tired

OKtoStep's picture

Trying to escape step hell. Disengaged from skids for years. Of course that made me hateful and manipulating. But being engaged was abusive and controlling. Never could win.

STBex keeps submitting declarations to the court to try to gain 100% custody of DD. This week it's that I stabbed BS with a fork, am selling pics of DD on the internet and only want communication with DD so that I can make her advocate for me for a second chance at the marriage.

If all of this wasn't in writing I would think I was imagining it. Even after 10 years of almost every step hell horror possible, it never crossed my mind that he would resort to outright lies and sick, twisted fantasies. 

Im so tired. I wish I had been smart enough to leave him 9 years ago when all of this first started. I'm like a lobster in a pot and didn't notice the crazy ramping up until the day I started getting insane texts that made me think he had had a stroke. 

Comments

JRI's picture

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  How awful.  I hope you have a good lawyer.  Hoping for your best outcome, Oktostep.

Kes's picture

What a nightmare.  You sound quite worn down - is there anything you can do to help yourself feel better - even if only temporarily?  You need a break. 

SteppedOut's picture

Of course your STBX is lashing out at you. There is something deeply wrong with you... you did not throw yourself on the alter of his first family to be treated like dirt! Clearly something is "wrong with you"

My formerSO felt the same. Something must be wrong with me that I would want to leave him and that I would not allow his kids (or him) to treat me and our baby like crap. First it was blamed on the abuse I suffered during my first marriage. When he couldn't convince me that I was "over reacting" because of PTSD, then it was I must have postpartum depression. He suggested that I seek therapy to learn methods to help me learn how to accept and put up with the abuse from his kid (and him). 

He does not want to admit there is something wrong with himself and his kids.

OKtoStep's picture

Not only is it STBex trying to bully me into therapy for his issues, he tries to get everyone and their uncle on board too. His lawyer, social services, DD's GAL,  my parents. No one is touching that with a 10 foot pole.

*edit* ftr, I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now but he doesn't know it because it's not his business.

SteppedOut's picture

It is good that you are in therapy...to heal yourself. Both my ex and probably yours wanted therapy to teach us to cope with their abuse of us. I will not go to threapy to learn to tolerate abuse - and hopefully no therapist would want that job! 

OKtoStep's picture

Exactly. You understand perfectly. Thank you so much. 

SteppedOut's picture

It is great when you find people that understand....because in step life, they just try to make you think you are crazy. This website was a lifeboat to me when a needed it. I am glad to help!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

You: "I'm tired of swallowing sh!t sandwiches."

Him: "You need to take eating lessons to help them go down easier." 

hereiam's picture

Yes! Therapy is for YOU.

I will never forget when my parents sent me to therapy when I was 15, to try to get me under their control. The therapist (who I adored) told me, " I am here to help YOU, not to get you under your parents' thumbs."

futurobrillante99's picture

Girl, I'm glad you know you're dealing with a narcissist. Have you ever read the books by HG Tudor? They are chillingly accurate and insightful books.....because he's a narcissist. His stuff really helped me to heal. I knew I was healed when reading his stuff started to started to make me uncomfortable. While I was healing, it was sweet validation. Once I was done, I wanted to distance myself from evil. ((hugs))