I wish I could say something..
This is breaking my heart. On the last visitation BM called SS SIX times. We have caller ID so he knows when it's her calling. When he sees that it's her he gets this defeated look on his face and sometimes says something like "gosh it's my mom AGAIN". When he's talking to her it's "no...no...nooooo...NO MOM" and we know she's asking him questions about me. He's gotten so frustrated with her that sometimes he'll put her on speakerphone so that we can hear the nasty things she's saying to him. This last time she said to SS "I don't want to have to talk to your sorry son of a bitch father". My jaw about hit the floor! You don't say that to your child! When he gets off the phone he is in a funk for a minute and will sometimes go into an imitation of her. "Is SHE there, did SHE eat with you, did SHE get you food, did SHE talk to you, what did SHE say, nah nah nah," he'll do, in a high-pitched naggy voice. Lately he's not been as honest with BM as he used to be because I think he figured if he told her what she wanted to hear, she might leave him alone. Unfortunately, he was wrong. BM emailed me to say that she didn't appreciate us putting him up to lying to her...we didn't respond, but we didn't tell him to lie. It was only a matter of time after him having to endure her interrogations that he'd come up with the idea himself to try to get some relief. Too bad it didn't work, and now I fear that things are going to get even worse.
BM and BF have a neutral restraining order against each other. It WAS doing fine, but lately BM has been abusing and exploiting it as much as she can. She'll say that her call or email is related to SS to get us to listen, then she'll go off on us and start b$*#@ing. When BF calls to talk to SS, she'll tell him that he'd better not call again or she'll call the police and hang up on him. UGH! My heart is breaking for my BF and his son. I wish I could say or do something to make it better. 
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RE:
In our state, the law on recording phone calls states that only one person has to be aware that the call is being recorded. Therefore, since we are aware of it being recorded, it doesn't matter if we have her permission or even if she is aware of it.
We got a new phone which allows calls to be recorded and we'll be doing this from now on.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Immaturity..
That is all I can say about this woman.. She is so JEALOUS of you.. Wow.. No matter how pretty she is on the outside she is a very ugly person and unfortunately it is shining through.
Sometimes it is better to just sit back and let things happen. What I mean by this is SS is already annoyed by her phone calls and her nagging.. And eventually when he is old enough he may decide to come and live with you and you BF, because of all her annoyance.. All you can do is be there for the both of them. Show this boy that you love him and nothing will change that.. Listen to him if he wants to talk. She is making her own grave. One thing I would enforce is the restraining order, I am not sure how those work because I have never had one but I would definately let the answering machine pick her calls up and keep the tapes.. Then when and if you need to use them you can. I would kindly answer the phone sometimes and tell her that he is taking a nap or outside playing or something.. Just to give him some peace of mind.. I would not let her get to you though.. She is just angry and bitter because you have what she does not.. And still she may not even want what you have (BF) but its just one of those things.. I wish you luck...
Hope I have helped..
Happy
Record the phone calls
We have the same issues, so one day we said "BM, just so you are aware, we are going to record this phone call." Well, she freaked out, screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU DON'T HAVE MY PERMISSION TO RECORD THIS PHONE CALL! THAT IS ILLEGAL! TURN IT OFF! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BULLYING ME LIKE THIS!!" Anyway, we don't need her permisssion, she only needs to *know* that it's being recorded. If you already have a neutral restraining order, I would say absolutely record the calls. You tell her you're recording them for the court since she is clearly in violation, and she'll either dig her own grave or stop that silly madness knowing that what she says could come back to haunt her.
In our case, the one repurcussion was poor SD having to listen to her mom's side of the conversation, thinking her dad was bullying her mom and it really upset her. She came to us later, asking tearfully why we record mommy's calls, it upsets her so. She asked us not to do it anymore and we explained to her that we prefer everything in writing so that we have record of everything in case anybody forgets (or BM flat out lies!!) but that BM prefers talking (so she can lie and manipulate and change her story 100 times and not get caught) so we still need to have record of what is said for future reference, thus the recording. We told her we would just insist on communicating via email whenever possible to avoid the upset in the future. She accepted that, but nonetheless, the whole thing was really hard on her. So just be aware of the possible repercussions for your SS.
(Please note: the things in parentheses were not actually said to SD! We never EVER badmouth her mother to her, even when it's just the simple truth of her heinous actions. Interestingly, SD often figures out on her own that her mom is doing bad things, so we certainly don't need to be the ones to tell her.)
How old is your SS?
How old is your SS? Has he talked to his mother, honestly, about how this makes him feel?
He should not have to listen to that. He should be able to love both of his parents, not feel pressured to say bad things about either of them, no matter how his parents feel about each other. How hard that must be for him.
RE:
He's only 8, and he's afraid to tell her how he really feels. She is constantly punishing him and making him feel guilty for being with us. He knows how she wants him to feel, but that's not how he really feels, and he's afraid that that will be just one more thing for him to be in trouble over. Plus, I think he's afraid of "betraying" his mother by telling her that he doesn't feel the way she wants him to or is trying to force him to.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*