We awoke this morning at a little after 6:00 AM to the phone ringing. BM called, I answered - she asked to speak to BF. I have no problem with her as long as she's being civil, so of course I said, "Ok, hold on." Our phone is loud, and I could hear her telling my groggy BF that the situation with SS had gotten out of her control and that the four of us needed to get together and have a meeting. She said that she wanted me to be there because I help raise him too. So, BF, BM, SS and I convened this morning for a meeting.

As a little background - BM has been a lot better lately, with the brief exception of her head coming off her shoulders and spinning around a few times when she found out I was pregnant. We gave her the number to our home a couple months ago, partly because we're never there, partly because we don't have an answering machine, and partly to make her shut up about having an additional contact number. To our surprise and delight, this had been the first time she's called it.

BM came with SS, and brought breakfast (aww). BM told us that SS had been up until 4:00 in the morning last night crying, cussing, slamming doors, and refusing to do his homework. SS didn't want to talk about what was bothering him with us, so BM prompted him with things that he had said to her the night before. It seemed like a bunch of things that she has been saying bothered her all along - the fact that he doesn't go to bed at the same time at our house that he does at hers, doesn't get his meds at the same time, doesn't get meals at the same time, and other stuff like that. He claims that the two days that he spends with us and his schedule gets messed up is the reason he's so mean to his mother the entire two weeks between visits. Also, he's stolen money from her! They found $40 in his room that had gone missing from BM's purse. He never, EVER acts like this at our house. We've never heard a cuss word come out of this kid's mouth, so when BM told us he'd been saying the F WORD of all things, BF and I were in shock. He does what he's told and is generally a really good kid when he's with BF and me. But apparently he's a constant sarcastic, mean little poop to her 24/7.

We started talking about what may have caused this behavior. BM never really disceplined SS, she's the kind that will fuss at him endlessly but never really does anything about the bad things that he does. Well, that's ended now. The other day when he threw a temper tantrum at a doctor's appointment, she wore his hind end out - complete shock to SS, but it got his attention. She says that he doesn't really understand why BM and BF got a divorce and feels like he's part of why BF left, so they spent some time talking about that. Then she said she thinks that he's angry because of the bad things that BF and I say about BM when SS is around. BF and I asked SS, "What bad things do we say about your Mom?" Of course, he couldn't come up with anything. We've been trying to tell BM for years that SS was playing us against one another and telling her things that weren't true about his visits with us, but she never believed us. I don't think SS ever thought we'd all sit down and discuss it to where he couldn't lie anymore. So BM finally got to see that all the things that SS claims happen while he's here, but which we've been telling her weren't true, really weren't true after all.

So to attempt to fix everything, we've told SS that from now on, all three of us are going to be on the same page. BM and BF told him that because of the lies that he's been telling and the stealing, we can't trust him anymore. So if he tries to tell us anything, we'll be calling the other parent to find out if it's true or not. We also made a list of rules, responsibilities, and expectations for SS - complete with set bedtimes and routines for personal hygeine and medication. Also, because his Mom is in really bad physical shape, one of the stipulations is that he's to help out around the house in whichever house he's in. It also had a list of consequences for when he breaks a rule. They had him read the contract out loud and sign it.

The poor kid was mortified. I think he was more in shock than anything, because he never in a million years thought that the three of us could meet together and be civil to talk about what's going on with him. I don't think he ever thought it would happen and he could just keep getting away with this crap.

Then of course, when BF walked off to go to work (we met at BF's store), BM got to warning me about BF. She was nice about it, but I really just didn't want to hear it. She's said it all a million times. The best thing with her is to just let her talk, so I did. She told me to be careful and not let myself get into the situation that she did with BF. She said that he started cheating on her when she got pregnant and even gave me signs to look out for to know he was cheating! Then we talked about the baby and pregnancy, and hers with SS. SS was born very early, and BM and I both have a lot of the same risk factors with pregnancy, so she was telling me some of her experiences. It was really nice to be able to just talk to her...not some internet stranger pretending to be her friend but actually her, not being on the receiving end of a bajillion nasty emails and phone messages...just chatting civilly. She asked that I not use this meeting as a violation of the restraining order. I was like...as long as you can be civil and not all "you're a tramp whore husband stealing bitch blah blah blah" then I don't really care what you do. BF's mother thinks that the pregnancy is the reality check that BM needed to realize that he's gone for good, I'm here to stay, and she'd best just deal with it.

I sure as hell hope so.