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DH wants details on my individual counseling sessions

ntm's picture

DH found a refund check that I recently received from a therapist because of a credit balance around an insurance payment. He asked who it was from, I explained, thought that would be the end of the story.

He knew at the time I was seeing a therapist. I stopped for a bunch of reasons - ongoing construction made it impossible to get there, getting out of work early was problematic, and once it started getting dark early there was criminal activity going on in the area. She's located in a city. 

Doesn't he start in quizzing me on why I was in therapy. Was I going because of him. I was working on a difficult homework assignment and I just said, and this was honest at the time, I don't remember why I was going, it was a long time ago.Although I did remember one of our sessions being about him wanting to bring his daughters on vacation with us, and as you all know, it's no vacation when skids are part of the package. I didn't bring that up though, because in my opinion, what is discussed in therapy stays in the therapist's office unless you want to share. 

He got pissed. Did his mangry thing. I told him it's not appropriate to ask what's discussed in counseling. He got mangrier. Said that sure with casual acquaintances and stuff, but in a marriage you should be willing to discuss. 

My ex used everything I shared from my individual counseling (and he always pressed for details) against me during the remainder of that marriage and in our divorce proceedings. I felt very violated. I feel that this one would, in an angry moment, also bring up anything I shared from those counseling sessions. 

 I remembered this morning that we'd gone together to a therapist to talk about how he treated his daughters preferentially over our son and that idiot said he parents just fine, leave him alone. I came home, called my family doctor and said I needed someone else or I was filing for divorce. THAT's how I ended up with this therapist. My doctor thought it would be good to do individual counseling. 

Are we supposed to share our counseling conversations? I've wanted to do teleconference therapy, but have been afraid ge would hear some of the conversation and I strongly feel it's private unless it's something I've worked on in therapy to share with him. 




caninelover's picture

You are talking to a therapist and what you do and don't choose to share is your business, period. 

He can ask, but if you say "I don't want to share details' then he needs to respect that.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

You are most certainly NOT the A!!!

NO, you should not be sharing your counseling conversations. Unless it's something you want to share. If that's the case, I'd think you would be in counseling together and what you're sharing is an "assignment" working towards improvement. 

If you feel he needs some sort of answer, make one up about working on you, but it is none of his business. {{hugs}}

justmakingthebest's picture

I would tell him that a supportive partner wouldn't be asking for details, he would be asking how he can support you in therapy and if there are things he needs to know or things he can do differently to help. 

THAT is all he needs to be asking. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

What goes on with the therapist is between you two.  If you want to share fine but appart from that nope.

I never really share with DH about my sessions beyond that fact that I went and while I find it useful I also find it strangely boring at the same time.

SeeYouNever's picture

Some people don't understand therapy because they think there has to be something wrong with you to go. No, it's because you need help sorting through your thoughts and situation so you can be a better person.

His reaction to your session together tells me he already thinks he's perfect... And doesn't get the point of therapy at all.