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Are contact lenses cosmetic?

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

So DD3's dad and BM had their court date last month. The judge literally pointed his finger at BM in court and said she had to submit receipts for the copays and deductibles for prescriptions and doctor visits and hospital stays within 30 days to Dd3's and said "and nothing cosmetic!" I saw the paperwork that was mailed after the hearing. It even says 50 percent of the costs not covered by insurance and nothing cosmetic." So BM texter that she needed $241 for their contact lenses. He just bought them glasses. She gave no receipt. There is no vision insurance plan. He told her no as contacts are cosmetic especially after he just purchases eye glasses. BM is having a cow and saying she is going take him back to court and get a crap load of money.  She was the one to take him back to court and lost big time. Her child support was knocked down from  $1000 to $500 with a credit frim.wjrn she filed.  She is so stupid . So what's your opinion? Is he right to not give her the money? It was given to me for daycare

Comments

momjeans's picture

I’m pretty sure contacts are considered “cosmetic,” especially once glasses have been provided. 

I get the whole principal of it, but I guess DH just needs to weigh his options? Would it be more cost-effective to challenge her in court, or insist she provides a valid itemized receipt, and pays his portion. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

BM can stuff it. She's just having an episode and trying to intimidate your ex with methods that previously worked. Classic stuff.

I'm so glad to hear he's finally able to contribute towards your shared daughter's support.

I love dogs's picture

Really? When she was already told to provide receipts? That is what I call an f-ing idiot.

ESMOD's picture

I get both because contacts are better in some circumstances like sports and glasses in others... I can see paying for both as a parent but would want a reciept.  Obviously not absolutely needed but they do have some value beyond cosmetic.

DaizyDuke's picture

I agree.  I have both as well, and if BS8 ever needed glasses I would get him contacts as well.  He does karate and jujitsu and plays soccer and baseball and basketball and ALL of those (save maybe baseball) are annoying to play with glasses.  A couple of years ago I had some issue with my eye and my Dr. told me I needed to wear my glasses (no contacts) for 6 weeks and I cried.... not for the cosmetic reason, but because I run and I HATE running with glasses on... my nose gets sweaty and the glasses start sliding down and it's annoying.  I also can't wear sunglasses when I am wearing my glasses and I HATE squinting.. it literally gives me a headache. I wear my glasses at night and on weekends (when I'm not running or going out in the sun) 

If the kids are very active and play sports then I could justify the contacts as not being just cosmetic.  But would definitely want a receipt before I paid a dime.

simifan's picture

I think it depends on the situation. Contacts are helpful with sports like Esmod said & I know I get migraines from wearing glasses. Most contact wearers also have glasses. 

I love dogs's picture

Well that's fine if it ends up being a necessity, but BM to threaten dad and say she'll get a "crap load of money"? Just unnecessary- ESPECIALLY when she was already put in her place by the judge. Is $250 or half of that a crap load to her?

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with the others. SS wears both contacts and glasses. SO has to pay 90% of all medical costs- however contacts is the one break that we get. Braces are another story. She got those, through one of the most expensive routes and stuck SO with the bill without even telling him about it until after the fact. Nothing he could do about it. 

Iamwoman's picture

Whichever one is bought first (contacts or glasses) is considered the "medical" item. The second item will always be considered the "cosmetic" item. This is how it works with vision insurance, and so this definition can be used in court to protect your DH.

Since glasses were bought first, the glasses are medical. The contacts, having been bought second, are cosmetic. Perhaps BM should have researched this definition beforehand...

ESMOD's picture

I agree and BM should have approached her EX in advance before incurring the cost.  I mean, as I said above... contacts can be very useful especially if you are active.  For that reason... people that are able to afford it usually get both for themselves and older children. 

So, we did pay for the kids to have both when they were teens because they were involved in sports and having contacts was nice for that.Planning is good though.  Normally vision ins will cover one or the other (well..not totally cover lol) and I would usually go in December for my appt and get them to give me contacts.. but order glasses to be delivered in Jan of the next year.

Ispofacto's picture

Next time Dipshidiot demands money without a receipt, or outside of the 30 days, just auto ignore her.  Don't argue.  The judge told her the rules.  She has to follow them.  It's not DH's job school her.  Only a proper request should get the desired response.  If it goes to court, tell the judge you were waiting for a receipt.  That's what he told her to do.

Also, I agree contacts are cosmetic.  I wear glasses and have never had contacts.  I thought long and hard about buying them for my daugher.  Intact homes have to consider budgets.

WalkOnBy's picture

I wear both.  My daughter wore both when she was a minor.  Asshat had to pay his share of the glasses, because that is what is medically necessary.  He didn't contribute toward contacts,  and we were told by the FOC Medical Specialist that contacts are considered cosmetic.  

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Mine is for prescription glasses... They're trying to start me off on the "base model." LMAO

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Contacts are a tricky subject because yes for the most part they are cosmetic BUT they are pretty damn helpful if you want to do anything athletic or active.

Of course that would be just basic lenses, nothing that changes colors of the eyes, stuff like that.

But like I said as someone who did sports including judo glasses just didn’t work. Since I didn’t have / couldn’t get contacts I was pretty much half blind during those activities. Even now I don’t have them so when I run I don’t really get to enjoy the scenery.

But he doesn’t have to pay in your case. She failed to provide receipts if I’m correct and he did just get the kids glasses. Most insurance companies allow new glasses / contacts at a max of once a year if not every other year. I think a judge would easily side if this went to court and your partner could show that he got the kids glasses within the last 6 months or so. Even more so if he can show that the prescription hasn’t changed.

strugglingSM's picture

Contact lenses are definitely cosmetic. If the children have glasses, they can see. I say that as someone who has worn contacts for over 20 years - by choice - and who started paying for my own contacts by the time I was 17 because I wanted to wear a specific kind. 

I would call her bluff and let her take him to court...I hope she goes before the same judge, who is likely to be unhappy that she's wasting the court's time again. 

If this BM is anything like mine, she would use any excuse to get extra money from DH. When he met me, I said to her, why are you giving her extra money without any proof that she actually spent any money at all. You should ask for proof of payment. He did and she had a fit, but in reality, their CO says they're supposed to agree on things like medical, education, and extra-curriculars before any decisions are made, so she couldn't exactly take him to court and say he wasn't paying when in fact, she wasn't following the CO. She also couldn't take him to court, because in reality, she was asking for money for herself, not for things for the kids. She then sent DH a handwritten list of what she had supposedly spent. When he told her that wasn't enough, she sent him pictures of "checks" she had supposedly used to pay, but some of them were written out to the wrong name and had amounts that did not correspond to the amounts listed online for the "lessons" she was paying for. When DH questioned that, she told him those were processed checks and he shouldn't object, but there were no markings from the bank and she didn't have pictures of the back of the checks, so no indication they had been signed and cashed. 

Essentially, DH pays for some things on his own and she pays for the rest. If she comes to us asking for more money, he points out to her that she's welcome to pay her proportion of the sports that we pay for, which the kids want to do, but which she insists she won't pay for because the kids didn't mention anything to her. What we would pay her for the sport and activities she pays for is less than what she would owe us if she paid for the sports and activities we arrange, so she always tells DH he never pays for anything, but then is silent when he says he'll pay if she also pays her proportion of what we pay. We end up paying more than we would if we followed the CO, but I'm much happier to pay for things directly ourselves than pay BM, since I know she always requests more money than the actual cost of whatever it is we're supposedly paying for. 

One child (age 11) insisted he would only wear contacts because glasses were "embarrassing". DH had purchased glasses for the child and paid 100% of the cost (even though he's only supposed to pay 30%). When BM wanted money for contacts, DH told her that he never agreed that SS could have contacts and he wasn't going to pay for them. SS came to our house a few times with contacts and I had to practically put them in his eyes because he couldn't do it himself. As a contact lens wearer, i told both SS and DH that if you can't put them in your eyes yourself, you're not ready to be wearing them. SS now doesn't wear contacts or glasses. He needs them for reading (which he rarely does), so he can get by without them for the most part, but it does impact his vision that he doesn't wear anything. I've told SS that he really should make sure he wears them for reading or looking at his tablet, and that's where my SM guidance ends. I'm not his mother, so I can't demand he wear them and I can't care more (or make it more of my problem) than his mother does, so I've had to back away and let that one go. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

The contacts were for SD18 who graduates June 1. She is in no sports whatsoever . I think she just can't stand it that the money train is ending and ending fast