Update to Tonsils
So after DH and I spoke and then I spoke to my mom, DH sent a message to BM. He requested a second opinion, medical documentation which shows tonsil/throat issues for an extended period of time, stating the guidelines that are published by reliable medical sources and the american pediatric journals, stating the negative reviews of the doctor especially specifically related to tonsil removal surgery, and saying that at this time he does not agree to surgery without further evidence that this is in the best interest of SD especially during COVID. Also asking if she has had a further allergy test performed since we have never seen it in our home perhaps SD is allergic to something in her house making her tonsils swollen.
BM responded a lot and a bit of back and forth went on, see below for highlights regarding DH's requests, all in response to asking for documentation showing it has been an issue for 3 years like she said when BM has never mentioned, shown any documentation prior to, or any of the doctors DH has taken SD to in this time has shown any of this to be an issue prior to July 2021.
-"There is no reason for her to continue having issues. The tonsils have been issues for some time. She is actually at a good age as she isn't 3 and now 5."
-"This is something I advocated for and will stand my ground on. A secondary referral is fine. But won't change the fact that her breathing is affected."
-"You standing in her way of having a better life is absolutely ridiculous. I already agreed for a secondary referral. But will follow the doctors recommendations for the betterment of SD."
-"It will be difficult with school and work to find time to keep getting other referrals. So please be considerate of my time."
THEN when DH asked "so you are telling me that you are not following the court order and consulting me to make a joint medical decision, correct?
"I am saying I will not put her health in jeopardy that is what I am stating."
-"If she can sleep and eat better that to me is more important"
-"I do not understand why your making things difficult. "
-"You can disagree but if I need to pursue a legal permission I will get it. Because I'm with her more than you to know what is going on with her."
-"as to the comfort and quality of life I will not argue with you."
-"I just find it odd that everyone else saw it and was shocked but you say she is fine."
-"I've been dealing with time constraints and other personal issues with my other child. So I may have forgotten to forward paperwork."
AND finally when DH reiterated "I will not argue or message anymore on the topic. I will await the medical documentation from you documenting the issue prior to July 2021 and I will await for the information and results of the second opinion. Then after all information is received, I will make an educated decision on what is in SD's best interest. I am not saying indefinitely no. What I am saying is I need a second opinion and need the paperwork that documents this being an ongoing issue, proving that this will be the most beneficial for SD and until provided with such my answer is no."
"if you cared so much about a pandemic she would never have been on that plane. It's interesting to me you suddenly care and what to make choices about something that you know litterly nothing about."
^she responded with more followed by a second message too.
Again if this is in SD"s best interest then all for it, but DH is not going to willy nilly say yes to a surgery even though BM did not even try to consult him on it, when it has only been 6 weeks of hearing about this for the first time. DH has every right to be concerned and BM is acting like he is saying no to a heart transplant. Plus yet again, two years after she took DH's rights away to her other child she has to throw in information about her other child to snub DH.
My favorite is DH said "everyone has personal shit they are dealing with that takes time, it is called life, so it is not my problem you did not do your job as primary parent and upload documentation that shows there is a medical issue with SD."
Needless to say DH is calling the ENT and her other two doctors in the am to get documentation/speak to them about SD because BM is not the most reliable source.