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Update on SD’s sister’s last name

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So for anyone following my story from the beginning know the situation about BM's older child who she passed off as being DH's for 3 years until he left her. 

BM revealed today that she has not changed her older child's last name from my DH's because she didn't want to change her last name twice so instead, three years later supposedly BM and her DH are in the process of him adopting her. BM having no care that the judge ordered her three years ago to change it immediately from DH's, but not wanting to do the process several times thought it wasn't confusing and is totally acdeptable the child had my DH's last name still. Even though she also admitted today that the child thinks my DH kidnapped her as a child because of the fact that she was in DH's care primarily for 1.5 years after he left her because the child wasn't his biologically. So because she was with him when he had rights to her at the time, but because he knew she wasn't his at that time he knowingly kidnapped her, meanwhile BM left her in his care that whole time ....

Then BM tried to come back and say she doesn't speak badly about DH after she admitted that both the child and SD think DH kidnapped her. Anyways, I feel really bad for DH because it's just another thing BM spun about DH that wasn't true, but this time not only to the child he wanted to keep in his life, but also to his actual biological daughter too. So totally awesome. I also feel badly for the child because that whole situation is a wreck. Plus for BM's DH, while we know he is a total idiot and BM has been cheating on him, now he's adopting BM's child. 

Let's just say the situation is an absolute disaster. 

**EDIT: we also found out earlier in the day that they are moving May 27, but we haven't received any notification yet or anything. So in the earlier part of the day we actually did give BM a friendly reminder that she needs to notify both the court and us in writing at least 30 days prior to the move. BM said she understands and she will do it, but DH and I don't think she will and if she does it will be after she already lives there. After yesterday and everything else though we are just done with the whole situation except calling SD for a while and attending the meeting with the school in like 9 days. 


Livingoutloud's picture

How did this crazy woman admit it? What was the conversation? Her just randomly admitting to things is just as crazy as her doing and saying crazy things. She tells a child she was kidnapped???? 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

yet again BM just "got the paperwork from the hospital visit because it was left in her friends car" and DH shouldn't of, but did make a snide comment to her about how there is always some convenient excuse because LITERALLY there always is even though she says she's going to do something a certain way, when DH follows up about it the next day because it isn't done or even later than that BM comes up with some conevenient excuse.

BM in turn made some snide comment back about how she doesn't lie or bring up the sins of the father to SD 

Then DH said back "yeah like how SD's sister's last name is still mine, but that isn't a lie and is totally my fault, not yours" 

so yeah that is how it all came about is she gave the info about the child going to be adopted after saying things that SD has said to BM about DH that aren't true and DH said well SD says stuff about you too and how you told SD I kidnapped her as a baby, etc. 

Don't condone the back and forth with BM because it doesn't help anything and doesn't look good on DH, but hey we do have some not cool things admitted in the messages that are against their CO such as talking badly about the other parent and against the CO the judge gave about changing the child's name immediately years ago after he took his rights away from her. Aka she doesn't care about the CO. Although we all know a judge probably wouldn't care 

shamds's picture

For her for the rest of her life till she is an adult and even then probably through college. Likely he hasn't thought that far and if bio mum cheats on him and they divorce, she'll be after every single wealth/estate of his. The only reason she wants him to adopt the elder kid is so she doesn't need to be ever financially responsible for her.

its right out of dodgy bio mum/cheating exwife playbook 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I told DH, that it's a fucking joke. Because we know that BM is cheating on him and we know from evidence on the phone she either had a pregnancy scare with one of the dudes she was cheating on him with or she had an abortion. Either way, it's just all downright wrong. BUT it is none of our business. 

Winterglow's picture

It's time to follow the advice Rags often gives. You need to give SD age appropriate FACTS. She needs to know that nobody was kidnapped. Do not let this slide. If nobody enlightens her, she could develop a fear that her father could try and kidnap her away from her mother. Or worse. 

Livingoutloud's picture

I think BM admitted that she told older sister that she was kidnapped. OP can't do anything about it.

But I agree thet should tell SD that's not true or she'd start telling people her dad is a kidnapper 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

To SD but SD told the CPS worker that SD herself was the one kidnapped and as a baby. BM claims she was honest with the older child, but never told SD anything about it. However, that is not the truth even remotely and SD thinks it happened to her. 

BM claims she will have another conversation with the children about it and use different language. I do agree, it needs to be addressed at an age appropriate level when we see SD in summer. 

Livingoutloud's picture

Omg why would she tell any of her kids anything about kidnapping. Kids are too young to even know the word themselves 

Rags's picture

result in the cheating breeder being being tried for severe civil and criminal violations,  tried for fraud, etc....

Cheating then trying to pawn the spawn off on a spouse as theirs, smh.

While the dynamics of this are different between the cheating male and the cheating female, there should be equitable civil and criminal consequences for both flavors of cheats. I'm not sure how that would work, but... it should happen.

IMHO of course.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

It is not only cheating, but also fraud! Goes both ways for sure and should be treated equally. Sadly, I don't think that will happen anytime soon if ever