Update

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Thank you everyone for your congratulations on DD, she is 2 months today! She is absolutely adorable and all the dogs absolutely love her. 

Steplife has been pretty quiet since SD went back to BMs. There hasn't even been any drama on scheduling calls with SD either. SD is doing pretty well in school thanks to the IEP and it seems like her teacher understands about kids with divorced parents and keeps them both equally informed. 

In SD's latest therapy appointment she talked about seeing us during Fall Break and being excited to see her grandparents which makes both us and my parents very happy. Not only did they adopt a new puppy, but their dog also had 7 or 8 puppies, plus they adopted another kitten, and got 2 chicks. This is in addition to all the cats, the dog, and cow they already had. It is so sad though that SD told us two weeks ago their dog that just had puppies ran away, was hit by a car and passed away. It frustrates DH and I so much who LOVE animals how irresponsible they are as pet owners. Now things do happen, but this is at least the 10th time we heard the dog ran away. SD also had said how they knew there was a hole in the fence, but they hadn't fixed it, but the dog was outside all the time by itself, etc. There was one if not two kittens that also ran away and were hit by cars within the last two years. I am not surprised though since every time we facetime SD lately she is in the front yard by herself with one of the new puppies typically not on a leash or cats, not that far from the road. SD loves animals, but at 8 I don't think she is responsible enough to be that close to the road without any adults nearby alone and especially not with animals that can get away. All it takes is for the puppy or kitten to get out of her arms and run towards the road and the animal plus SD if she runs after it can be hit and killed. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it though. 
 

EDIT: SD is not responsible for any of the pet's deaths at BM's. I was simply showing how irresponsible BM and her husband are as pet owners, but also how SD's safety is compromised being unattended with these pets that could run out and SD could run after them and also get hurt. They don't live on a little neighborhood street where there aren't cars going by, they live off a road that is heavily used and their home isn't far off the road either. 

Comments

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Enough information to call animal control. Also, I called animal control once here in WA because of what I considered an abusive situation with a husky, but it didn't meet the criteria for animal control to be able to do anything 

Rags's picture

So, go "Why do you keep killing your animals?" on SD. She may love them, but she is killing them and BM is letting that happen.  SD needs to understand that having an animal means responsibility and accountability.  She needs to be forced into accountabiity for the repeated death of her animals. whether she is capable of being responsible or not. 

If that traumatizes her into not having animals until she is old enough and mature enough to be responsible, then keep scrubbing her nose in the fact that she is killing them.

Her emotions may bet spun up, but at least the animals may have a chance by not being cursed to be owned by her just yet.

Nea

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

In my post, I am not saying this has happened when SD is out front with the animals. What I am saying is I am not surprised that the animals have died because BM allows and probably encourages SD who is 8 to be on the front porch unattended with these animals off leash so it just shows how irresponsible BM is as a pet owner. I am saying it is not only dangerous for the pets, but it is dangerous for SD who could end up also getting hit by a car if one of these pets got away from her and ran towards the road with SD being 8 deciding to run after them puts both the pets and SD's safety at risk. 

BM and her husband are the irresponsible ones that do not fix their animals so there is repeated kittens been born after kittens being born, then their dog accidentally got pregnant and then also hit by a car and killed like some of the kittens have been. BM wants to "homestead" on an acre and lack of both responsibility and knowledge. It is sad for both kids to have constant pet deaths not to mention how sad it is for the animals because of the total lack of being a responsible pet owner.

When here DH and I both have discussed with SD what a responsibile pet owner is. She has asked why don't we get more cats, dogs, etc. and tell her we only have the amount of pets we can not only afford to take care of and fix as they should be so we don't have accidental puppies, but also that we can afford to give the attention to that they require and deserve. SD hasn't liked that DH has called out BM and her husband on not being responsible, but he has told her it isn't her fault, but he wants her to understand these things. 

Rags's picture

I am a kid who did get hit by a car running into the street. I was barely 6. I was under direct supervision by adults and I still ran into an oncoming wave of traffic.  Fortunately I bounced off of the side of a car driving by instead of eating a bumper head on.  We had gone to the airport to pick up dad. Mom, my baby bro, less than a year old, and our houseman.  The flight was delayed so we were leaving to wait at home.  We got to the curb to cross the main airport road.  I stopped to look both ways a step or two in front of mom.  She said "No!! I heard "Go!" and I went.  I hit the side of a passing car, flipped in the road, was on my knees looking at a wall of cars screaching down on me with locked up brakes.  Fortunately they stopped. A limo pulled up and a Consular officer piled all of us in and headed under escort to the hospital. They then went back to get dad and bring him to the airport a couple of hours after I had been admitted to the hospital.  I had a few bruises. No injuries. I was lucky for sure.

I am not worried about the 8yo. It is the animals that concern me.  Between BM and SD, animals have about zero chance of surviving until death due to old age.

Even more sad than the dead pets, is that SD is being hardened to death as being something that is no big deal.  This is the precursor to Jeffrey Dahmer crap IMHO.  Yes, pets die, as do people. But driving massive rates of fatality due to idiocy, irresponsibility, and a rabbid case of genetic dumb ass is just wrong.

That SD is upset at baring idiot BM and SF ass as the irresponsible POS that they are instead of being upset at unnecessary death of animals due to human idiocy is extremely concerning to me.

As for BM's dream of homesteading on an acre, just more proof that her brain contains not even one functioning brain cell.

smh

The investment in effort, structure, and cost of sacrificial pets that it will take to counter the idiot BM and SF in order to give this kid a chance is massive.

Good luck.

Take cre of you.

Harry's picture

Are you gonna let her be near your DD.  I Would not let SD stay in your home. I could never take my eye off my DD. You have a major problem with SD.  You must do something before she hurts DD 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I think my post was misleading. SD is not responsible for any pet deaths at BMs. What I was saying is I am not surprised by the pet deaths at BMs because of her compromising the pets safety and leaving an 8 year old unattended out front by the road with these pets and how BM compromises not only the safety of these pets, but also SD's safety by leaving her unattended where an accident could happen. 
 

BM would certainly call us helicopter parents and has called DH one before, but we don't leave SD unsupervised outside, let alone with animals outside. As pet owners and parents, it is our job to make sure both are safe and we take that seriously.

Dogmom1321's picture

Did BM "leave" SD outside or did she venture out there on her own without permission, KNOWINGLY with a bunch of animals? I think there is definitely a HUGE difference there and I would want to get to the bottom of it. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

SD to do the calls outside. Ever since Easter, every single call is SD outside and not in BMs house. A few weeks ago the video on SDs end wasn't working so when BM was checking if she fixed it, SD answered the video call and BM is there and asked if the video was working. SD was on the front porch with a puppy at that moment and the rest of the call like usual. You could hear BM open and close the front door going inside and leaving SD out front on her own.

Harry's picture

Talk to SD councilor,  to make sure your DD is going to be safe with SD.  Lay it out for tge councilor about DD safety..  Councilor must talk to her BF.  He must send a letter by certified mail sign by councilor and return to you. Requesting a meeting with him about SD.   Letting him know he's put on notice that he could be held responsible for any wrong doings of SD. If he refuses to meet with you.  
This is serious, something going on at BM.  And you need to get a answer.   
'You also must realize that if BM is crazy SD most likely will be also. And as she gets older they get worst .  That's the scary part of this. You don't know at what age they are going to shap

Dogmom1321's picture

I would be mindful of what is going on and just keep an eye out. Your SD could be visitng and "forget" to close the baby gate, etc. etc. and more of these accidents could happen and sadly your bio would be in harms way. 

SD14 is "forgetful" as well and I don't leave her alone with DS3 ever. Never have and probably never will. 

**IMO 8 years old is plenty old enough to know how to just stay inside. Has your DH addressed this with BM? I would be interested to hear if she is going outside without permission and just disobeying BM. A simple "just stay inside" is an easy fix that a 8 year old should definitely be able to follow. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

BM is well aware that SD is outside and we used to have our calls that SD was in her bedroom but ever since Easter, every call has been SD outside. Ever since she got back from summer break SD has been specifically on the front porch alone with at least one puppy and sometimes also kittens too. 
 

SD will definitely not be alone with DD.

Dogmom1321's picture

I would encourage her to put the animals back inside while she is on the phone. Tell her to only call back once the animals are put away. You are making yourself liable too if SD is facetiming while she is running in the street after pets too. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I think maybe people have really misunderstood this post. NotYour's SD has never shown any signs of being purposely mean to animals, and there is nothing to suggest she would in any way be a danger to her baby sister. It is the BM who is irresponsible with the animals. And NotYour is not going to be leaving her new baby alone with SD anyway. This SD has never shown any signs of any mental health issues that would be dangerous in any way.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Because at 8 to have 3-4 animals hit and killed by cars, let alone the other issues with all the other animals is tough and could be avoided if BM was a responsible pet owner. Because of the lack of supervision at BMs with animals, we do monitor SD with our animals. Honestly will probably do so with DD too because at the end of the day they are animals and it's the responsible thing to do for both the children and the animals. I almost cried when I heard that the dog that just had puppies died, I think a lot having to do with my hormones because I was thinking of DD and passing after having her. I'm obviously not an animal so it is different because it's the lack of responsibility of the pet owners on that one, but still.
 

Same thing about leaving DD with SD unsupervised, she simply isn't old enough and it is the responsible thing as a parent to monitor the children especially together when one is as young as DD. BM definitely thinks we are helicopter parents, but we just don't want to leave things to chance because things do happen and we want everyone to be safe. Shouldn't have kids or pets if we can't manage to watch them.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'm sorry this situation hit your so hard - although I totally get it. I know your SD is perfectly normal and was just concerned that people were misreading the situation. I also know you wouldn't be leaving DD alone with her in any case!

AgedOut's picture

I think people might be reading this wrong. I do not understand parents like your SD's BM/SDad. They, as the adults are dropping the ball and putting not just their animals in danger but your SD too. In the same amount time it takes for an animal to run into a road a child can be grabbed. So many things can happen and it's not on SD, it's on the adults. 

 

 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That's what I'm saying!

thinkthrice's picture

And the Girhippo.  They would always adopt pets that they had no business having.  They would all try and run away because of neglect or basic cluelessness.  If they didn't run away they would be rehomed shortly after adopted namely back to the shelter and probably euthanized which would actually be better than living with the Girhippo Clan sadly.  Or they would mysteriously get sick and die suddenly  or get run over by cars.

Chef's middle child (SD) would shoot frogs in the eyes with BB guns at age 8 thus she is named the Animal Torturer.  She is stb 26, living on her own as far as we last knew and is constantly adopting cats that run away.

BethAnne's picture

Congratulations on your little girl, it sounds like she is thriving. I bet your sd loves being a big sister. I'm glad that your sd is doing better at school as well and is getting the support she needs. It's not surprising she's excited for her next visit to get to spend time with you guys and her new baby sister.