SD's Visit and BM's drama
So not that it matters, but there has been ALOT of drama the last 2+ weeks with BM so I decided to share some of it because perhaps it will give some perspective on why communication is limited with BM not that it matters whether people understand or not.
-BM messaged DH on 7.21.21 that SD had a doctors appointment on 7.19.21 that wanted to discuss with DH and have him look at medical documents on medical concerns. DH was not notified of an appointment. BM had 3 concerns, two of which have already been discussed several times to which the doctors have all said are not concerns. 1. Allergy to daily, soy, and seafood... SD has never had an allergic reaction to any or doctors felt an allergy test was necessary, 2. Constipation ... BM claims SD never has bowel movements, but SD with us has bowel movements every other day at least. Everytime we talk to SD she says she is eating junk which we think is the issue with SD's bowel movements when at BM's.
-The 3rd issue BM has never brought up to DH, SD has never complained about to us, and when DH has taken SD to doctors appointments the doctors have never been concerned about, but BM claims has been an ongoing issue for 3 years.
-When asked further about the tonsils issues, BM said “she has small airways so I worry if she has an allergic reaction and she can’t breathe.” Then continues to say she switched pediatricians because “I didn’t think they were taking me seriously” … Well seeing as you never once mentioned this before but are worried she can’t breathe, but this has been an issue for 3 years, seems rather suspect.
-DH asked why he hasn't been informed of medical issues or appointments BM says “Unfortunately, I’ve been rather busy between school registration and regular medical appointments for 2 children. I also work.” …. Well you wanted primary custody and wouldn’t settle for anything less, you also took DH’s rights away to the other child so you set yourself up for that, plus welcome to the rest of society that has to work
-Had to ask BM 4 times for her to upload documents from SD's appointments, took 2.5 weeks for her to finally do it
-Had to ask BM about the allergy test results because she did not share that info, also took 2.5 weeks. SD is not allergic to seafood, dairy, or nuts. BM says SD next is seeing a "geneticist" to do a more in depth test because the doctor only tested for the 3 basics... I don't think BM knows the difference between a geneticist and an allergist.
-Has an ENT appointment "much later" to look at her tonsils, but BM has not provided that information, big surprise. Guess the second doctor either takes it seriously or it is much easier to send her to a specialist, but there are no notes from SD's appointments of her tonsils being a concern.
-BM informs DH that the meet and greet of SD's teacher is while SD is with us, so she will provide teacher info after
-Had to ask BM to provide teacher info since BM did not share info days after the meet and greet
-Not to mention DH had to do legwork to find out what school she would be attending because BM either did not want to share the information or did not put the legwork in to find out
-After informing DH of medical issues says “when she sees you please be mindful of her medical issues” acting as if SD has a disease or disorder and to not neglect the medical care she needs
-When asking if SD will be on the plane for her flight BM informs DH she purchased SD a phone for her travel... Okay, makes sense
-Then BM tries to dictate the phone rules and how things will work in our house
-"I'd like if you could allow her to use it. Even if its specific times or just a few min. Just as long as you make sure it is sent back with her and supervise use. We do have rules and she is only allowed parents and 2 other people on her phone"
-"I don't want you to confiscate it the entire time."
-DH messaged BM that flight had landed (9:45 our time, 12:45 am BM’s time) and asks to call and talk to SD... It is super late and SD literally just got off the plane
-DH tells BM that SD is too exhausted to call. BM then asks to call SD first thing in the morning or have SD call her, like SD hasn’t even been with DH 12 hours and BM is already asking to call when she claims she isn’t going to interfere with DH’s time. So DH says SD will call BM sometime the next afternoon
-When SD calls BM, BM asks several times how the flight was, which I get because first time SD flew, but the child already answered the question several times, then BM asks several times what SD did for the day, where did she go, if she ate, etc. … it was 3 pm here, nope we are starving SD. After 2 minutes of interrogation by BM, SD asks if she could go and call her later… SD has never asked DH to go and call him later
-So on SD's phone DH is not listed as a contact on it (only BM, BM’s friend, and BM’s Dad).
-Plus BM has a gps tracking app on the phone. So the phone has been shut off the whole time. There are several other tracking apps on the phone and we aren't having BM in our business, plus SD is 5 and it is DH's time.
-SD has been here and it is currently off and charging for SD's flight tomorrow. It will be turned on tomorrow when they get to the airport. We turned it on today to check the battery life and there are 10+ text messages from BM to SD including photos, voicemails, etc.... never once messaged DH to call SD or anything, so that part is nice, but SD is 5 she cannot read your texts.
-We looked at SD's tonsils and they look totally normal and there hasn't been a complaint or any mention of them the whole time she has been here.
Conclusion of SD's visit, SD has been great, she has been having an awesome time, she had a fantastic flight and is not scared of flying or anything. It sucks with the restrictions of camps, etc. because of COVID and travel so we didn't get all of our weeks with SD this summer, but at least we got to see her for more than a week. DH will be reaching out to SD's teacher since we have the info now so he is kept in the loop. Moving forward if the information is not provided after the first ask DH is just going to call the doctor or the school because he is done playing games of BM withholding information.
Side note everytime BM messages about ANYTHING she says "we" instead of "I" it is so annoying because we don't care if there is a we just say "I." DH has said we or referenced me max 3 times in regards to SD because whether we discussed it or not when talking to the other parent it shouldn't be about that. Meanwhile because DH has to fill out a guardian form at the airport for BM to pick up SD, we had to ask what her license says since according to some paperwork it says a different last name, but others it has DH's last name. So either BM falsely puts on another name and hasn't changed it from DH's OR she hasn't changed her license because her license still is DH's last name. Again, we don't care, but what is with that.