SD Update

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So DH sent over the CO and other documents to SD's ENT specialists, pediatrician, and the school. DH requested not only any and all records they have for SD to be mailed and/or emailed with the direction that he would cover any and all costs for this as well as portal access if they have portals so DH can access all information digitally, separate portal login of course from BM. This way he can access any and all information on his own, without going through BM. 

Guess what? BM did not upload any documentation last night like she stated she would. To further the documentation trail against BM if there ever is a need for it, DH sent one message today requesting all information we are waiting on from BM since she did not upload it last night as promised. BM then uploaded two documents, 1. The allergy test results from July testing dairy, meat, and seafood which we already got two weeks ago, 2. Another page of SD's visit in July that BM did not share before.

What is interesting about the documentation from July's visit, under the section that says "History of Present illness" it says:

-"SD is accompanied by her mother with concern for enlarged tonsils. She intermittently snores at night but has been having increased coughing with sleep and some drooling at night. Mom would like her to be tested for food allergies and referred to allergist due to significant family history of food allergies. SD currently has not had any allergic reaction to food or medicine so far. No throat infections, difficulty breathing or cyanosis noted."

Hmmm... so SD has not had a history of throat infections or as drastic symptoms as BM has been claiming she has been suffering from for 3 years. 

DH only also messaged BM to point out the note about no throat infections in SD's health history

BM's response was that a pediatrician cannot diagnose throat issues and that she has to request SD's documentation from 2019 & 2020

1. Yes, a pediatrician can diagnose throat issues such as infections

2. You were supposed to be doing that since July, when it was requested you send the last 3 years over showing documentation of throat issues as BM has been claiming, but we never saw and during those years had SD every other week, etc. 

Just was filling everyone in. Thank you for the information, advice and suggestions, it has been helpful. DH is putting an end to the power play of information and soon we should have the full picture of SD's visits, past history, results, etc. to either continue to back up DH's thought that tonsil removal surgery is not what SD needs right now or convince DH that SD does indeed need them removed.


tog redux's picture

I'd suggest he not say anything more to her until he gets all the information, except that - I will let you know my thoughts when I get all the information.

Then only reply to whatever needs replying to.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

back in August, DH told BM that he would not give his decision on SD getting tonsil removal surgery until he received all information and BM has given 1, maybe 2 of the 5 items requested. I forgot to add BM alluded to SD having an October follow up appointment which will further prove SD needs this surgery, but come to fnd out today, that is not true. BM is planning on taking SD this week supposedly to check in on SD's tonsils.

I am just happy that we are on our way to less communication with BM since he will not be needing BM to relay information anymore. 

advice.only2's picture

My BS finally had his tonsils removed when he was a teenager, it was a long drawn out process.  BS endured several years of tubes in his ears, adnoid removal and finally years of strep throat.  Even after the years of strep throat his GP was refusing tonsil removal, instead wanting to have him tested to see if he was a carrier of strep.  That's when his ENT stepped in and insisted BS have his tonsils removed.  I just see the hoops DH and I had to jump through and the suffering BS endured for years and I want to slap your BM...she is the reason actual sick kids can't get treatment!!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That is what my mom said about my uncle. He had bad strep Almost his whole life and it took him years to get his tonsils taken out and he had like 15 years oF medical history backing it up. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Mother states that child _____

NONE OF THESE DOCTORS ASK FOR PROOF!!! Beacuse what kind of mother would lie about this stuff?? The kind of "mother" that is going to get attention, use split copays to try and hurt the other parent financially, will build up a fake case until she can use it to prevent visitation. -- A sick and twisted "mother". 

tog redux's picture

Also, doctors now are sued on the regular. It's not worth it. If OP's DH challenges their diagnosis there is a good chance they will refuse to treat SD. People are lawsuit happy nowadays, and even though medical malpractice is hard to prove, it's extremely stressful to go through the legal process. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

We are waiting for the second specialist summary, BUT the first specialist's report also goes like "mother states that ____". From when DH talked to the second specialist it sounded like the same basis that BM states SD has had x, y, and z at night time. Haven't seen anything, but it all being based off what BM has been claiming thus far.

tog redux's picture

Well, to be fair, that's how doctors diagnose. If you say you cough a lot at night, they can't know otherwise, they have to be go by self-report. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

But to recommend surgery solely on a mother's claims doesn't seem right especially when there is no history of throat or tonsils infections like the guidelines for this surgery is recommended to require.

tog redux's picture

Well, that remains to be seen, I guess, once you get all the reports from other doctors. Not saying BM is right, just pointing out that this is how doctors make diagnoses. The PCP may not be aware of other doctors' diagnoses. So that's why he needs to wait for all info to make a decision and not react to one doctor saying there was no history of it. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

What I was simply stating was that SD's pediatrican who has SD's medical history made notes from this appointment that SD does not have a medical history of tonsil/throat issues. Which is why BM has been dragging her feet when we have asked for medical documentation backing up that it has been an ongoing several year issue of SD's tonsils but we never heard about it because apparently SD's doctor has not heard of it either. Another example of BM withholding requested medical information. 

We saw the one report from the first ENT that clearly states he recommends it solely on BM's account of SD having issues at night. DH spoke to the second ENT who also was basing it solely off of BM's claims as well. The second ENT also said that SD might be allergic to something which is why we are waiting on the allergy test results and that removing her tonsils may not even fix those issues because it may not be tonsil related. All I am pointing out is from everything DH has seen and heard directly from the doctor that they do not know if it is a tonsil issue at all.

Thumper's picture

Reporters claim's do hold weight. . In addition to exam, various testing..

 Reporter's usually are BM's

In some cases, not all, this is problematic.

There was a case I was working. Kids around the same age as your sd.

Adenoids removal and tonsils. Not because of ear or throat problems BUT because the child was snoring...every night. Little kid sleep apnea . That was the first time i head of that. The surgery went well. Post surgery the child finally has had a goodnights sleep without difficulty of breathing interuptions. 

Snoring can also hide other serious conditions . I know someone who went to the doc's for snoring..Turns out the diagnosis was Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma.

Maybe dad should take a week to head back to speak with all doctors. Like a Sat to Saturday?

What do you want BM to do?



NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

and according to the exam and the basic allergy tests the only basis for the surgery is BM's claims. None of which has been observed at our home in 3 years. DH has had primary custody and week on/week off custody so he has had significant time with SD during this time. We are waiting on the results of the environmental allergy test done and to have a sleep study done. BM has also lied and said the more extensive test was done before it actually was to try and back up why SD should have them removed. Why would you believe someone who lies about tests that have not actually been done, makes claims about how SD is so bad, but yet has not gone to the nurse, complained to her teacher, complained to us, SD tells us on the phone that her throat doesn't hurt, etc. BM has been caught in numerous ways on lying and over exaggerating just on this topic alone, not to mention about everything else she lies about. Until the two test results come back DH and I believe one of 2 things is happening, 1. SD is allergic to something in BM's home which is why this issues only happen there, 2. From seeing SD and hearing things from SD, it appears as though BM favors SD's sister. Who I know since she was in our household for years, has major behavioral issues that make all the attention on her as well. So SD had a sore throat or something one time and saw all the attention she was getting from BM about it so she uses it so she gets attention. From things BM has said, we know 100% fact SD does certain things at BM's to get attention that she does not do at our home.

No, dad is not taking a week to fly cross country when he just got a new job to talk to doctors when he can talk to them and get records, etc. from his residence. That would start a great trend that BM drags her feet and claims x, y, and z so here comes dad running across the country in a non-emergency situation.

We want BM to stop purposefully withholding medical information as she continually has done and to stop lying about medical information as well. Which will be accomplished since DH is no longer relying on BM for information and is going straight to the source from here on out.